need advice on a troubled ldr....

[ciara]

Hey everyone my name is Ciara and I am new to lfad but I really like it. And right about know I need all the help I can get.
My boyfriends name is ken and we have been together for 19 months. long distance of course, we have seen each other about 3 times he has met my family and I had met a few people in his.(not parents though) I love him so much he has become my best friend and the love of my life. This was supposed to be our year. he would work hard and do the things he has to do and I would do the same and next year this time he is suppose to move here and we start a life together.
A few days ago he told me he is tired of the long distance and he wants to work on what is good for him and if this life is the one he wants. He loves me I know that and no he is not talking to anyone else. But he wants a break and I feel like this is our year and he ups a wants to quit, we are already in a break I don't know how else to be. So last night we broke up for good but he still wants to be my friend and even though I want him in my life I cannot do that it hurts way to bad. My friends tell me to let it go and if its meet to be it will. I don't know what to do.
So that is where you come in the people that know this stuff a little better than I do. I need help I love him and miss him and don't know what to do.

[squiddie]

All break ups are hard the first few weeks. What I've found works best is to let yourself be sad for a while, but at the same time, keep busy. Don't push it down, but do take your mind off things. Keep focusing on school or work, hang out and do what you always do with your friends. Teach yourself something new, or develop a new hobby. Since the school year is beginning, see if maybe you can take a fun class at a community college or community center, such as a new language or some fun new skill. In other words, just keep going about living life.

Every day you will miss him a little less and it will hurt a little less. It takes time, but as long as you're letting new things come into your life and not pushing away the people around you who love you and care, you'll make it through.

Don't hinge your life on one person. Yes, if it's meant to be, you two will be together again, but don't keep yourself from exploring new things, and if a new person comes in that maybe you're kinda sorta into, don't shoot down the possibility.

[mynameiseric]

the low points in a relationship are where you can really tell if the two of you can last. my SO and I have had plenty of lows, but we always come out on top. I know your situation is a little more extreme, but this is a test for you guys. Dont give up, dont let him go, but you also need to give him a little space. If you're gone, maybe he'll realize what he lost and come back, and if not that it wasnt meant to be. Just hang in there and keep your head up, only time will tell

[agentholli]

I would have to agree. You gotta let him do this, as much as it hurts. This is a test, and you need to do with what he wants. I know it hurts like crazy, but try to keep your mind on other things, and try not to focus on it. Have you heard the saying "If you want something, let it go free. If it comes back to you, then its yours. If it doesn't, then you never really had it anyway"
My heart goes out to you, I hope you can make this a good experience and not a negative one.

[Tanja]

Holli's quote says it all - you need to just stand this situation until the worst part is over. Whether or not you'll end up together I don't know but things tend to sort themselves out with time. I know you might've wanted a different answer but the truth is there's not much you can do and pressuring him now will only push him further away.

Give it time and take care of yourself, everything will be ok in the end.

[ciara]

I really do love this cite...thank you so much for your advice it's hard but I am doing better...he called one of my friends and said he was feeling awful and I know that is childish but I am happy he is hurting to so I don't feel like it's just me..

[paulawriteslove]

I know this is hard for you, but sometimes a relationship needs a break. I've broken up with my boyfriend before for some personal time, but we got back together. Sometimes a relationship needs a break to strengthen it. Just be there for him no matter what. Best of luck!

[michy]

You can only control what is in your hands... he wants a break, that's in his hands and you'll have to honor that request for space, even though it hurts. But what you CAN do is make sure he knows how you feel, that you still love him. And if you still feel that he is your one, make sure he knows that too. The relationship may fall back into place or it may not. If you are being honest with your feelings and respectful of his needs, then I think you are doing everything you can do.

If it doesn't work- be as strong as you can be, take care of yourself, and there are lots of people here to offer support! A friendship with him may be possible if that's what you both want (my two BEST friends are exes)... but usually a cool-off period is in order first; it's extremely hard to be an objective, supportive friend when emotions are running high on either side.
Good luck!

[Karringtyn]

LDR's are tough in themselves. What is happening now you DO have control over....at least YOUR part in it and how you handle it. Give him his space. Allow him to go through what he needs to...to "find him"..and you take care of YOU first. I love my SO very much...but I love me too..and I work hard to take care of myself..I have to. We ALL have to.

Soooo...with that said....give him the time...allow yourself to feel these emotions. Time DOES heal everything...as cliche' as that is.

And btw nice to meet you! Welcome to this site!

[Silviar]

I think he's looking for a break in the wrong spot. A break isn't going to make him miss you less, just more, and if that's supposed to help solve problems, well, then how can you work on them? If you've already broken up, all you can do is be the wonderful, happy individual you are, and show him that you're a great person. He might or might not want to pick things back up, but it's time to live for yourself entirely and see what happens.