Arguments? Any Advice?

[sasad]

My SO is in FL , we have been seperated only since February of this year. We met over 10 years ago, but got together again 2 years past. We lived 85 miles apart.We were on/off again dating until he knew he was leaving. Things got intense pretty quickly in December/January. He is hoping to be back the end of the year.

I am not the most trusting and secure person as I have been hurt and have a failed marriage as well ( not fron him at all). He has a hard time opening up and expressing himself. He tells me he sees us growing old together and we have been looking at houses as well, so that seems pretty secure. He did step out on me last year. I cant really blame him because we had not had the exclusive talk, but it still hurts.

We skype maybe once a week and text is our form of communication. He dosnt like to email and tells me I am pretty much the only person he ever texts. I dont need to know everything and everywhere he is, as thats just trust. But last night, we were texting, then nothing for almost 2 hours. I got cranky and told him I was tired of being the one to always communicate... anyways, he says he fell asleep and responded back after midnight. It wasnt very nice. He said Good Morning today, and I responded Morning back.
I feel like I give in and have to apologize yet he cant seem to understand how some of this stuff hurts. He also cant seem to express what he feels and I am frustrated.

I am rambling.. lack of sleep and crying cuz this is all stupid, but I feel like i need to make a point. Any advise or suggestions? I am sure others here have been through this as well.
Thank you all for being here

[Sarah96]

I had similar problems with my boyfriend awhile back... for me it only got better when I "forced" him to communicate with me. Him and I are very similar but also very different. He doesn't express his feelings and doesn't understand how important it was for me to know how his life was, like you said, not to know everything he's doing all the time and everywhere he is, but enough to trust him. We argued pretty often until we took time to talk about EVERYTHING... he's still working on opening up and expressing himself and his feelings more, but he's come a long way since the beginning when I felt I was the only one in the relationship at times. I think it really just boils down to communication and talking about everything and opening up and supporting each other. You have to communicate your expectations, sometimes you have to do it multiple times but eventually he will understand. I know it's irritating when they stop texting back for some unknown reason.. especially when that reason is falling asleep. We've had that happen several times and in the beginning we both used to get really pissed at each other but it's just another thing we had to work out. We both now understand it happens and when it does it's fine and we just laugh it off and keep talking.
I wish you two the best!

[p_b82]

I think there is a balance here that needs to be met, and you have not quite got there yet.

To me as an outsider, to be in tears after him not texting for a couple of hours because he went to sleep, sounds quite extreme; however it does sound that those tears were caused by a different level of frustration you are feeling that goes deeper than just one night of poor communication.

I think you need to have a deep talk with him, either on skype or on the phone ideally about what your needs are from this relationship. If the odd text and a once weekly call is not doing it for you, then you need to let him know why it isn't. Explain it to him a way that makes him understand, rather than just say "you need to talk to me more often"

I was on the other end of a relationship where the communication needs were not balanced, it was one of the factors that led to the end of it; At the end of the day, it doesn't matter so much about what the future holds, but you need to either be happy with the now, or be prepared to be unhappy to get the end result you want. Either option is fine, but you are the only one that knows whether you are able to play the long game without falling out of love in the short term.... as if you can't then the future is irrelvant if you needs are not being met now.

Good luck with it

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I think there is a balance here that needs to be met, and you have not quite got there yet.

To me as an outsider, to be in tears after him not texting for a couple of hours because he went to sleep, sounds quite extreme; however it does sound that those tears were caused by a different level of frustration you are feeling that goes deeper than just one night of poor communication.

I think you need to have a deep talk with him, either on skype or on the phone ideally about what your needs are from this relationship. If the odd text and a once weekly call is not doing it for you, then you need to let him know why it isn't. Explain it to him a way that makes him understand, rather than just say "you need to talk to me more often"

I completely agree with this response. Obviously every relationship is different, but I would not be okay with just the occasional text and weekly skype. You can't really communicate though text and I think that's coming out in your response. You need more communication and contact. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! If you had more contact, you probably wouldn't react as strongly when you don't get a text back because you know where you stand in your relationship. Reassurance is key, especially since you feel the need to talk about him stepping out on you. If you ask me, it sounds like you're feeling insecure with the relationship with not having enough communication and worrying that things are going on behind your back if you don't hear back. It's not healthy to live like this and you definitely need to talk to your SO.

[differentcountries]

So he canconsider buy a house with you and grow old with you but he hardly Skypes you, never emails you (I assume he doesn't call or write letters either) and cant promise to text you much? Sounds very odd too me. There has to be contact in between visits, otherwise the relationship dies from lack of nutricion. It can't live forever on pretty words he once said. Talk to him.

[Kapwned]

Sounds like you need to do a routine sit down and talk about how important communication is in a LDR. You cannot be together physically so any time you can talk means a lot to you. Let him know it makes you happy when he takes the time to talk to you and give you some attention. Don't focus on the negative here. Just tell him what it is that makes you happy. But also leave room for compromise. If he fell asleep then you shouldn't be mad at him per se. If he was at work all day he may have just been really tired.

LDR couples need structure and ground rules. You need to be verbal about what you want and what you do not want. And try to balance out your consideration. The relationship is not purely about making you happy, it's about making the other person happy as well and if your needs are too much for him then he may greet you with aggression and it may end in a break up that could have been avoided.

[canuck]

Myself and my SO are new to the LDR thing. Lived together a long time before work took her away for a while.

One thing we both agreed on before we were even separated was keeping in touch. We're a couple, together, however you'd like to look at it. We text or message eachother on skype all day every day. It keeps us connected to each other. Twice a day we video skype. Morning for coffee, evening before bed. These are two times that we both look forward to each day. Sure, we've missed a few times due to what life brings. But really, if you're in a relationship, communication is not just a big part, its what the two of you are. It is why and how you love each other.

I'd say you should set some definite times to skype with eachother. Whether that be daily, weekly (uggggg!) or whatever. At least then you know when you will be talking. If its not possible to make the time now to be in touch on a regular basis, what will the outcome be when you eventually close the gap between the two of you?

[Ella85]

I completely get it as my boyfriend and I are on 2 different continents. We both have young children and sometimes in life we can't just spend hours on skype together. We both work, we both have social lives etc. Like this week his little girl was sick and then he got sick too. So there were a few days where only one or two messages passed between us.

Like you, my main form of communication with my boyfriend is texts (although they come to my email). We do skype, we do phone calls (usually phone calls 3 times a week and skype at least once or twice). But sometimes life does get in the way and we can't speak as much as we'd like.

As for you crying after he doesn't reply for 2 hours. You know what is there that is making you feel like this. It's something you need to work on. I had HUGE insecurities (not about him cheating at all) that I won't go into in great detail on here, before I went and physically met him. The majority of them are now resolved. But there are a few that I still have to deal with which are in general, not something that is affecting my relationship with him, but thats to do with my expectations with how anyone treats me in general.

If you're unhappy, or if there is something bothering you, you need to speak to him about it. When you are with someone you are part of a team and if you can't confide in him, then what is there? I hope that you can take something from what I have said. As someone who has anxiety and stress related issues, I can sympathise with what you have said. But you are not doing yourself any favors by allowing yourself to be like this.

My advice to you is talk to him, calm yourself and talk to him.

[Irina_Linn]

Ditto with everything above
Try making at least some schedule of communication to get a sense of security and confidence.And of course try keeping up with it.Set particular Skype days or email days or something.And TALK about it.You should share your feelings as much as he should open up to you,otherwise LDR will become incredibly hard.
Also,what I was doing in my LDR (now we closed the distance) I was making selfies on my way to college,at home,at work etc.I would send him my selfies few times per day so even if we didn't Skype he could see me and my routine.I asked same thing from him actually and it worked.So good luck!