Am I being irrational?

[1991md]

Ok! I got an update.

Her and I will probably do a call either on Thursday, Friday, or Saturday. It should work even if we have an 8 hour time difference.

I had to explain where I was coming from and she also agreed but she said she has been busy and stressed lately but would like to do a video or voice chat.

It makes me feel like a big baby about it all.. but I will let everyone know how it goes! Probably going to give her space til then if she is busy and stressed.

What she wrote was a little confusing but she seems like she would be more comfortable voice chatting, which works. That way I won't have to shave

[1991md]

Just an update, we will have our first "voice chat" tomorrow afternoon.

I never heard her voice before but she heard mine. It should be interesting!

I am hoping it will all work out since lately she hasn't seemed talkative. She will be going out tomorrow and will be back around midnight her time and mentioned she will stay up late.

I am afraid if she won't be talkative if she was just out/it would be late, but then again she might be more likely to be herself if she was just with her friends.

I'll let everyone know how our voice talk will be.

[1991md]

Things seem to be going well I think.

We attempted a voice call but sadly at her parents the wifi wasn't so good so it lasted a few seconds at a time. At least I got to hear her voice first time ever. She does have an amazing voice Nothing like I would have expected.

We ended up texting each other instead which was nice because we haven't chatted in a few weeks. Maybe next weekend we will try it again.

[XxFranticLovexX]

Just be careful with that. Maybe I've watched too much Catfish, but I've seen situations exactly like this play out to one person being deceived on that show.

That being said, I never once had a skype call of any kind with my SO before (or after) meeting him. His computer is kinda slow and crappy (I'm using it now lol) and his webcam doesn't work. :/
However, we did have phone calls and such, even before we were officially together.

[jessback]

Hope, she doesn`t cover anything...about her appearance i mean...

[1991md]

I don't think she is hiding anything. I honestly have 2 different impressions of her.. one is from how she looks, the other is just from writing with her. We actually met as penpals the day after my birthday

Anyway, from writing her the last few months she seems like a great person. Caring/close with her family, thoughtful, has self respect, honest, nice, and so on. I would imagine we would be good friends and get along well if we lived closer and she thinks the same way.

From her looks it make me think she is a punk/trouble maker (my sister said the same thing when she saw her picture). She has dyed red hair and a few piercings that I am not particularly fond of near her lips. She told me despite her looks she is a wallflower. She isn't the type of girl I would approach directly in real life.

So it just comes to how skyping will go. To me its the closest to "hanging out" persay. She mentioned we can try again this weekend but she's been busy the last few days so I am not sure if we will anymore.

As I said we attempted a voice call but it only worked a few seconds but we heard each other first time so I guess the awkwardness shouldn't be so bad anymore. Anyway, I am starting to think I may be caring too much/too fond of her. To me it seems like things are setup for something "more" in the future, just planning on going with the flow til then.

Thanks for all your help. All the best to all of you!

[1991md]

I double posted

[1991md]

Ok, so I have some news to share. Can't say it's the best news though. We ended up having a "dispute". The way I understand it is I got mad at her and ignored her and she got mad at me for getting mad at her. It seems really childish and blown out of proportion.

Last Wednesday I asked what she was doing Friday (to video chat). Got no reply. Friday I asked again and then she told me her best friend found out her boyfriend cheated on her so she was consoling her friend and hopes I understand.

I wrote her the following Wednesday (about 5 days later) telling her I understand but I was just upset she ignored me and could have told me sooner instead of 2 days later and hoped her friend is doing better. And maybe I treat it like we are dating or something.

She wrote me yesterday (completely mad) saying she needs time to think about everything, she has a busy life, is a student, has horses to take care of, we have a big time difference and is loyal to her friends and she told me her reason and doesn't understand why I acted the way I did.

Anyway, she clearly said she needs time to think so i will give her the space she needs. She honestly got really pissed and it probably is because she had a lot on her plate (which is hard for me to know without her letting me know). I am just upset that she doesn't seem to respect me and appreciate me like she used to. I know she has a life and maybe I was being clingy, but it was the lack of communication that made me mad.

I am going to wait til she writes me then apologize and explain myself again, she used to be more thoughtful and communicate and say things like "I am busy but I will write you later." I just feel like I am being taken for granted. I was hoping to ask if she ever sees us as more than friends to know her feelings (i doubt she likes me that way) but it seems like a bad time for that.

Anyway, that's my plan unless anyone has anything else in mind?

Thanks. And sorry for writing an essay! I tried to keep my other messages shorter to the point.

[snow_girl]

I don't think she is hiding anything. I honestly have 2 different impressions of her.. one is from how she looks, the other is just from writing with her. We actually met as penpals the day after my birthday

Anyway, from writing her the last few months she seems like a great person. Caring/close with her family, thoughtful, has self respect, honest, nice, and so on. I would imagine we would be good friends and get along well if we lived closer and she thinks the same way.

From her looks it make me think she is a punk/trouble maker (my sister said the same thing when she saw her picture). She has dyed red hair and a few piercings that I am not particularly fond of near her lips. She told me despite her looks she is a wallflower. She isn't the type of girl I would approach directly in real life.

Sooo even though you know what kind of person she is inside the fact that she has red hair and piercings (god forbid) seems to somehow override or at least question the kind of person she is even though based on her writings you know exactly what she is like.

[1991md]

The way I look at it is just by writing you can create your own fairy tale/fantasy about a person.

I wanted to video chat with her since it is like talking face to face/hanging out. People are totally different when you meet them in person. Not sure if you understood what I meant but that is what I meant in a nutshell.

I had this kind of impression about her personality, wanted to follow up and see if it's truly that way or just my mind is seeing her in this way.

If you can only connect by writing then why bother trying to make a deeper more serious connection?

Anyway, the whole appearance thing is irrelevant. If possible I would like some input as to my post I made today after our "arguement". I have my idea of how to handle it bit it would be cool getting some other input.

Thanks for your comment though.

[whatruckus]

Honestly, it still sounds very fishy to me. You guys finally voice chatted, but it only lasted a couple seconds? Then, you try to bring up the video chat thing again, and suddenly her friend needs to be consoled. Then...now she's mad at you for getting upset that she ignored you (which is a valid reason to be upset with her). You were just trying to schedule something.

I don't know, man...

[1991md]

I had a lot of patience for a while but now my patience is getting thin.

I will give her a few days, tell her everything that's on my mind - as honest as possible and see how things stand..

I was hoping to have things "naturally come together" but I might just see what the deal is and see if we can work something out or not.

Otherwise I am wasting my time.. I'd rather be honest and give it a shot, than to wonder what could have been. I know we aren't dating.. but our friendship even seems like shit.

Then i can move on. I don't want to pressure/annoy her so I'll carefully think what to write.

It sucks it has to be more complicated than it needs to be. The way she came down on me made me mad. Like I have no respect.

Thanks whatruckus. I appreciate it. I hope you have a great week!

[p_b82]

My ex got pissed off with me for me getting pissed off with her for ignoring me - when again she was busy but didn't let me know and therefore I had no idea of knowing.... some people are just not good communicators.

Either way, if this is a friendship, and nothing more, then I think you probably should just walk away from this - there are a lot of red flags, you are getting nothing meaningful out of it, and by your own admission your patience is wearing out.

If you do not contact her to give the space she has just asked for, and she doesn't reach out to you, you know the answer of how this stands.... if she does get in touch, then I would reply with the email you are planning on sending at that point, but don;t be the one to send it first imo.

[1991md]

Thanks P for the reply. When we first got to talking she showed more respect and had better communication. That is why I feel like I am being taken for granted.

I know she is busy and we still talk but she doesn't share that she has been busy. Just apologies for being busy after not hearing from her.

I am leaving next week on Vacation so I would like this situation resolved by then. But I agree there is no rush contacting her - I need my space too. The sensible thing to do is wait for her to come to me after she had her space.

My plan was to write her late this week on Wednesday(her free day)/Thursday(after her Uni). Hopefully she would get back to me by then.

[1991md]

Not sure if anyone is interested or not but for me, everything pretty much has gone down to shit.

Last I heard from her was last Saturday "I need time to think about everything." I wrote her Thursday with an apology and explained the reason why I acted the way I did. She never 'read' it yet on whatsapp. It has been delivered, but not read so I am wondering if she just deleted it without reading it. She is ignoring me and still seems far from talking to me.

I am leaving on vacation tomorrow and wanted things resolved by then. I am getting the idea that her and I won't be friends anymore. It just sucks because in my eyes it seems like a childish reason for a friendship to end. Not sure if it was my fault either. Maybe I was clingy/annoying. Everything is all up to her now.

thank you everyone who helped me out. I appreciate it.