personality differences

[oinkpig329]

My bf is a really logical engineer guy, and I'm very emotionally based. There have been times I try to share my emotions with him and since he approaches emotions very differently I can sometimes get upset. Is this a common difference? I wonder if I'm putting too my of my happiness on him instead of creating it for myself?

[Sarah96]

My boyfriend and I also have personality differences, specifically when it comes to emotions. I can be a very emotional person whereas he sometimes hides his emotions, doesn't know how to talk about them or will just avoid them all together. It took him and I awhile to figure things out and make sure we were on the same page emotionally. He deals with the distance better than I do. I will cry for hours whereas all he will say is "I wish you were here" and it used to drive me crazy and make me think he didn't love me because he never got upset the way I did. What I'm trying to say with all my rambling is that it's okay to be different as long as you talk about those differences and you're both on the same page and understand what you both need to feel better/be happy. Yes it is necessary to create your own happiness to a certain extent, but there is nothing wrong with also relying on him for your happiness, after all relationship are supposed to be fun and filled with happiness (except for the normal occasional problem)... Just sit down and talk to him about your love languages/personality differences and decide what you need him to do to make you feel better and ask if there's anything you can do for him... if you're on the same page it will make things easier.
I wish you two the best!

[lucybelle]

Just because you are different doesn't mean you should clash. You should both be able to communicate what it is you need.

[whatruckus]

Everyone is different, personality wise. Even when you think your SO and yourself are exactly alike, chances are you're not.

Basically what I'm trying to say is, don't worry about it so much. My SO and I very alike, but when it comes to emotions, or romance, we're very different. I'm very passionate and open about my feelings, he's not. I'm very romantic and thoughtful, he's not. Lol. He has his moments, but they are rare. I think maybe you two should have a talk about how to better communicate your feelings. Tell him what you need, and have him tell you what he needs. Also, have each other say what doesn't work.

[snow]

Just because you are different doesn't mean you should clash. You should both be able to communicate what it is you need.

^ This.

Just because your SO is very analytic does not mean he shouldn't be listening to your problems. When my man tried to solve my problems when I just needed him to listen, I told him that I don't need suggestions atm, I need someone to vent to. Try telling him what you need.

[Ella85]

I am a very emotional person too, although with age I am also a very guarded person. There are few people I tell my 'secrets too' and that would be a close knit of about 3 people who have been around forever and who I trust and then of course my boyfriend. My boyfriend deals with his emotions much better than I do. Actually he deals with mine better than I do most of the time too.

Just because your boyfriend isn't showing his emotions as much doesn't mean he doesn't care, people deal with them in different ways. If you are upset try to calmly and rationally explain to him what it is you need or how is he going to know? A lot of this is to do with communication. I'm also guilty of in the past holding things in that I needed to tell my boyfriend because when we first got together I was used to dealing with everything all by myself. I don't do it now, if I am upset I let him know.

Hope that helps some.

[differentcountries]

It is very common to have personality differences, and very normal for a guy to be fact-oriented and women to be more expressive with emotions. What is important regardless of your personality is to know yourself, and then to find ways to talk about how you feel and ask for things you want. It sounds like a good idea to find ways in which your happiness can rely in yourself and not just him. Also, be sure to use other people and not just your relationship, friends are important for your wellbeing.

It is really difficult for people who are "logial" (although there are just different types of logics) to understand complex emotions and emotional shifts. There is also some biology involved; some women experience fluxes of emotions related to cycle and are phsyically more prone to produce tears/cry. I am one of those women who will cry if I am tired, happy, sad, angry etc. which sometimes gives me a dramatic flare, haha. My boyfriend used to be so upset when I cried, and after more than a year together I found out he only cries when family members die! I had to explain him "the waterworks". Apparently he has discussed the subject with his mum, because he said "I understand from her that girls ARE like that". Now he understands that a few tears from me doesn't mean I am deeply depressed. It used to frustrate me that he reacts to many feelings by "closing down", but I am learning the logic to it and the ways in. He may look neutral on the surface but there are little signs I have nicknamed "the man-cry", which are expressions and micro-signals that he is sad, angry, upset etc. without showing it in any overt way that I would. He finds it hard to "read" himself and is really grateful that I do it, and it helps him to read himself too.

[R&R]

One of my SO's favorite sayings to me is "You are such a GIRL". He'll use it on days I am being really emotional or sentimental. He doesn't mean it in a bad way but more to let me know he understands my being emotional sometimes.

My SO's growing up and some of his adult years are quite different from most. Due to his experiences, there are times he really just has to compartmentalize and he doesn't let his emotions get the better of him. I finally got it that it had nothing to do with me but that it was his way of dealing with things or to be able to get through his day to day jobs. We communicate pretty well for the most part.

As far as putting too much of your happiness on him - don't place your happiness in someone else's pocket. That should come from within you. A relationship and your partner should enhance your life but not become the deciding factor of your emotional well being.

[Miasmata]

First, real quick: There are tendencies for the genders, but don't be limited by "men are like this, women are like that" thinking. Just because men are often pressured to be more aloof and hide their emotions doesn't mean they are all inherently like that. Same for women and showing more emotion. Some posters here tend to bring these things up as if they are universal traits. I don't know if you mean it that way, but I can't help being a bit bothered by it, no offense! We are all unique, and I don't think we should parrot stereotypes. Tendencies we can discuss, sure, but none of these things are set in stone. In the end, everyone is in an individual, and should be seen as such

Ontopic - In my relationship, my SO is the emotional, gut-acting one, and I'm more the stoic, logical type. While he's an engineer and very much a science person, he's the one who wears his heart on his sleeve and shows his emotions very openly, both the good, the bad and anything inbetween. And as with most traits, it's not universally good or bad - Sometimes, his temper is a big issue and I need to seriously reign him in, but sometimes, his open and enthusiastic ways really help me come out of my shell more. The way I see it, our differences enrich us, and as long as we both feel we are compatible overall, I enjoy embracing them. I wouldn't want to be together with a carbon copy of myself - There would be no challenge, no new insight, no expansion to what I do and think. I'd say that you should try seeing both sides to the situation. If you think it's a legit problem that needs adressing, by all means, definitely adress it! But if you can reasonably see both positives and negatives in it, ask yourself honestly if it's really a problem after all.

[xcherrypoopx]

My bf and I have a huge difference in personality. He is also logical and doesn't let emotions show or get in the way of things. I, on the other hand, am super emotional. I get hurt by his responses (or lack of) very easily. But, we get along fairly well. I tend to not get along with emotional guys so, guess it works lol. I think this is pretty common though.

[Deleted]

He and I are polar opposites on the Myers-Briggs personality test: he's an INTJ and I'm an ESFP, though we get along. I can say that it's not so much your personalities as much as the way you communicate with each other. Perhaps you should have a conversation about how you can effectively communicate your emotions with each other and how you feel. The issue probably isn't that you're putting too much of your happiness on him, but probably that you communicate differently. That's all.