Missing my ex

[skgirl]

Hi.. I need some help..
I had a boyfriend I met 2 and a half years ago. We'd been in a relationship for 4 months after about 9 months of friendship then I broke up with him 'cause I thought he didn't love me(he broke up with his ex gf that time). After like 3-4weeks of no contact he texted me again and then after a month we got back together and had been in a relationship for 14 months.. I broke up again because we were both really depressed and barely contact each other. After that we've been texting and he told me he's been dating 3 girls and the last girl is now his gf(2months). He told me he's dating girls for desperation(he has alopecia and is really depressed about it) and that he doesn't love her. He said he still loves me a lot but just can't break up with his gf because he thinks it's not fair for her to just call it off... And then we were talking and I told him that I have a guy friend and he suddenly said that he no longer sees me the way he did and that he sees me differently now. He told me not to talk to him anymore. I told him that I love him and that he's the one I care the most and that no one else means anything else to me. I sent that text yesterday and his last text was the day before yesterday and hasn't texted me since then.... I don't know what I should do.. Should I do the no contact rule or wait till he texts back and talk to him or should I text him right now? Like "hey.. I really want us to talk..."
Please help me.. I can't take this anymore I always cry in my sleep...

[skgirl]

Please don't tell me to move on or foget him I really want to work things out with him.. He means so much to me

[whatruckus]

Please don't tell me to move on or foget him I really want to work things out with him.. He means so much to me

Honestly, I don't know what kind of advice you want then, because that's what I was going to say to you, and I guarantee I wasn't going to be the only one. You two are really dysfunctional and don't seem mature enough to be in a functioning, stable, relationship. He cut contact with you just because you told him you had a guy friend? What? Then, he doesn't want to break up with this girl because "it's not fair to call it off", meanwhile he doesn't love her, doesn't really want to be with her, and tells you he loves you. What the heck? So being in a relationship with someone you don't have feelings for is more fair than breaking it off with them? Um...ok.

You can love someone with all of your heart, but unfortunately it takes a lot more than just love to make a relationship work, especially an LDR.

[R&R]

Skgirl, you are the same age as my youngest daughter. If she came to me with this same situation, with all my love for her, I would tell her that this is an extremely unhealthy relationship and that it would be in her best interest and for her own good to move on. She would need to focus on herself and to be happy as an individual. She would need to break the cycle of this relationship. I give you the same advice. You are going to find honesty on here - and that may not be what you want to hear.

Looking back at being age 19, I was out of high school, engaged and living with my fiancé. We were together for 3 years when the relationship ended. Looking back now, it really was a good thing it happened. I am such a different person now than I was at 19. Believe it or not, he and I are still friends all these years later and he has a wonderful wife and 2 beautiful kids. You are going to grow, mature, meet new people and find someone who you can have a healthy relationship with.

[jenlee11]

His reaction to thinking you're talking to another guy tells me that he still has feelings for you too. If you really do want to text him just tell him again how you feel and that you'd rather the two of you be something instead of your current situations. If he responds positively then maybe you guys can work on something. He might honestly feel bad about dating other people. I know when my boyfriend (we were on and off again for a while as well) told me he wanted to work on things and I was dating someone else I did feel terrible. If you really want it to work then tell him that you'll be around for a bit. If he doesn't take you up on it then it might be time to move on.
Best of Luck

[p_b82]

I am just going to echo what has been said already - asking for advice and then saying what you don't want to hear is much akin to writing a blog or diary entry rather than actually looking for a solution to the problem, and that is fine, but if you ask for advice you will get it, like it or not

My suggestion to you is to work out why you were depressed, and why you ended it the two times before that. You must have had your reasons for it after that length of time, and so truly look into yourself and question "do you love that person" or "do you love the idea of that person, and how they made you feel when things were good?"

Projection of feelings are nasty little things than can often blind us from the actual truth - especially when our mind is doing it's best to pull the rug out from under our feet - aka depression.

Personally, I would take some time to work through the things I have mentioned, and take some time to yourself to settle things down. Just because he is dating for no real reason, is no reason for you to get back with him, if the relationship wasn't working for you both after 14 months together.

[differentcountries]

Would you seriously go back to your ex who openly admits to using other people as his main way of dealing with his insecurities? And that, although it is "not fair" of him to stop fucking her to soothe his stuff, he is upset just because he talks to other guys? Of course, if you can deal with that stuff, by all means try to convice him to dump his rebound girl for you.

Sadly, people having "feelings" for you does not mean they are equipped to date you in any sound and proper way. I have had more than one experience in the past of a very strong sexual, mental, spiritual connection with a person that was impossable for me to start or continue a relationship with. It takes more than just love.

[ldrhbk]

Hey,

I can almost sympathise with you on this, I've posted my own thread about my gf and I breaking up (well ex...I guess) - after 4 years. I miss her terribly and depression was a huge player in us breaking up. I after 2 weeks have come to the following conclusions though -

1) I identified what caused the breakup
2) I accepted that I was broken up
3) I accepted that what's done is done
4) I initiated no contact to allow us both room to grow a little (well, its only been 2 weeks!)
5) I focused hugely on myself, like they say, you can't love anybody else till you love yourself
6) Cognitive behavioural therapy, twice as much gym, reading books on relationship management
7) Remember the mantra - "Prepare for the worst. Hope for the best"

Remember. Take care of yourself before you take care of someone else...the fact is, you haven't been focusing on who you are as a person. Do that first. The rest will follow.