I'm desperate for advice :(

[isabelleglove]

Follow your gut, but stick with the truth

[differentcountries]

Well, i told him the complete truth, showed him the real me, we had a very long chat, and has forgiven me, and says that his love for me hasn't changed and wants to work it all out, but i'm feeling somewhat different towards him now, before, i was sure he was the one, and felt like he was my complete happiness, but now, something just doesn't feel right and it's making me want to give up, and move on with my life, i can't expect this man to be the exact same with me as he was before, i know that, but i also can't go on with the relationship feeling the way i do, i still feel guilty, and that he deserves better, which he does, i love him so much but i can't see this going anywhere anymore, he has arranged another date to meet, and said he wouldn't take no for an answer, i did not say yes, but he's forcing me into this, i cannot afford it, and everytime i tried to answer he told me to shush, i don't know what to do now, other than just move on and go through all the hurt to forget him, though i know it won't be easy, but in the end i'll be happier than what i would be if i continue to go through with this relationship that i don't feel as happy in anymore, it's not that i don't want to be with him, cause i do, and i love him ever so much, but since all of this, things feel different, and he's acting weirdly, using cuss words to me, something he's never done, so i don't know what's going on, but i want out of it before i get myself into more trouble that i can't handle. i'd rather go through the hurt of walking away and getting over him, than staying and pretending to be the happiest one of us both, that would be a waste of his time, what do you guys think i should do? walk away? <3

Of course you don't feel the same about him. He was a scene where you could present yourself as perfect, now the both of you are just ordinary people, he seees you warts and all and he takes it. Perhaps you have to see his faulty sides. Perhaps there are still things you have not told him, for instance about your past.

The girl I told you about, who kept lying to people? I knew her mum a bit. She was the kind of person who would look at the sun and tell you it was not there, like her daughter was bi/lesbian and her mum would be like, no, she is straight, why are you lying to me about it? So you can see where she comes from. She was never raised to face the truth, and she had a hard time trusting herself, her partners and her friends. She made everyone hate her because she told a million transparent lies. She had to have some tough confrontations with people before she found peace. I don't know if she had therapy, but she certainly should. I think she started to date this woman who was very down to earth and they moved to the countryside and had a kid. And now she doesn't look half as pretty as she used to, but much happier which is a good switch

You will have to deal with a certain ammount of aggression on his side. For sure, you lied to him. He trusted you and you did not tell the truth. You HAVE to be able to take these small acts of agression. After all, you did break his trust. How do you think relationships work in normal-land? I shouted at my boyfriend ONCE and ever since he has been very weary that I raise my voice. But you know what? I don't have to shout. You don't have to lie, and you don't have to be perfect, and he doesn't have to be perfect. He is upset that you lied to him, which is a very normal and sound reaction.

Relationships are not always about happy. Sometimes they are about togetherness and closeness in different ways. I have been with my boyfriend more than 1 1/2 years, he has seen me tired, not well dressed, sick as well as wonderful and witty. He used to be my perfect wall, but he is not anymore. I have been with my husband almost 11 years, he has seen me at my best and worst, sometimes I have felt embarressed about myself and I have felt angry that he would witness it. But the great thing about my relationships are that we have room for stuff that is not perfect, and although I strive to do well I am not perfect and nobody ever is. But we are pretty good, still. And you can be pretty good, too, if you grow some patience and stick with things when they are uncomfortable.

Your relationship needs a different structure. Change is scary. It is easy to blame the people close to us when we don't feel great. But stick around. Smell the fresh air of your truth in the room. He did not run away, he is a bit angry but he stays, you can stay too. And find out who are you, who is he, what can you be together.

Maybe you are one of those people who are not really into analyzing yourself, looking into the past and so on. That is ok. But you have to feel the feelings that you feel and not run away from them. My SO told me - but I knew this about him before we started to date - that he doesn't know himself and he doesn't care to. But he loves the ways I stay with him and sort of force him to realize stuff about himself (even I don't know how I do it, I am very very curious about him I guess). One of the things I love about him is his trust in me and faith in me. I know it was hard for him to trust me, or love me, which is maybe the same thing? Love can be so scary and wonderful if you allow it to. You have just put your SO on a big test, and he passed it. Don't punish him for passing your test.

Don't make up hindrances from thin air. He is pushing for you to meet, which is what you want anyway. If you can't afford to go, then let him come to you. It is really not that difficult.