Is This Normal?

[maybe__someday]

Is it normal to feel awkward/uncomfortable about being affectionate towards someone?

In February I met an online friend in person (who is a little more than just a friend) for the first time, and they were incredibly affectionate towards me and I was obviously weirded out and uncomfortable by it. I stayed there for 8 days, and it took the entire 8 days to actually start to feel a little more comfortable with the affection. However, I'm someone who needs to be "exposed" to things regularly or consistently, otherwise there's no real affect. So since I won't see my friend for another few months, I know that I'll be awkward again the next time we see each other when it comes to affection. My friend wants me to try and initiate some of the affection next time (this has become a more recent desire of his as our connection and feelings have grown for one another), but I can't make any promises with that. Something that seems so simple really isn't when you're in the actual moment. I know that he sometimes feels as if I don't share the same emotions as he does because I don't really know how to express myself in person in the way of affection. He understands something like this is hard for me, and on a certain level he accepts it, but I understand that sometimes he's a little concerned about being the only one initiating and contributing to the showing of affection. But I just find it difficult. It makes me feel awkward and a little uncomfortable, whether it's receiving or giving the affection; it's not even really the person, it's just the action of being that close/intimate with someone, even if it's just a hug or holding hands.

Is it common to feel this way, or are people generally able to be affectionate as if it's natural?

Do you find it easy, being in a LDR, to show affection when physically possible?

[whatruckus]

It's definitely normal at first. I always felt awkward about affection at first, even though I'm an affectionate person. Lol. It's just something you get used to after a while, and it just becomes natural. Especially, if you don't do it that often, or you don't know the person that well.

I'm a shy person at first, and with my SO, I had a hard time kissing him until we actually started dating. Lol! He got mad at me the first time we met because I promised I'd give him a kiss, and when he asked for one, I chickened out at first. So, don't feel too bad. Once you get comfortable with the person, and comfortable around the person, it'll just come naturally. I found what helped me is to just push myself to be affectionate. No need to feel awkward, or unsure, because you want to be with that person. And, clearly, they are willing to receive that affection! Hope this helps!

[Kapwned]

I think the first initial initiation is hard or awkward for me but it quickly feels natural.

People often show their affection in different ways but a lot of people really like physical affection. Do you feel uncomfortable being touched? How do you feel about other forms of affection such as verbal or gestures (like buying them something or doing something for them)?

Affection is an important part of a relationship, it's basically how you show and tell someone you care without being so direct and saying "I like you," or "I love you."

If you are finding it really hard to be affectionate toward them and receive affection from them you might want to question why that is for you. Because it could seriously affect your relationship down the line. But first try to see if there's any other way you express affection. I do think feeling awkward about holding hands is a bit much, though and it might be something you want to look into. Give it time and if it appears to really start to affect your SO or it just doesn't let up, then look further.

[whatruckus]

I think the first initial initiation is hard or awkward for me but it quickly feels natural.

People often show their affection in different ways but a lot of people really like physical affection. Do you feel uncomfortable being touched? How do you feel about other forms of affection such as verbal or gestures (like buying them something or doing something for them)?

Affection is an important part of a relationship, it's basically how you show and tell someone you care without being so direct and saying "I like you," or "I love you."

If you are finding it really hard to be affectionate toward them and receive affection from them you might want to question why that is for you. Because it could seriously affect your relationship down the line. But first try to see if there's any other way you express affection. I do think feeling awkward about holding hands is a bit much, though and it might be something you want to look into.

I felt awkward about holding hands with my first boyfriend at first. Then, with my ex it felt more natural, and now with my SO, it's just what we always do. He loves holding hands and whatnot.

For me, I slowly progressed into being more comfortable being physically affectionate.

[Redheart14]

It's ok to feel like that, it will get easier. I still feel awkward now when I see my SO again for the first time in a while.

[Ella85]

For me I am a really shy person and usually I find it really difficult. But my boyfriend is the opposite which helped. I think it's something that will come in time and you may slip back a little in between visits. I won't be as nervous this time around, but I still will be a little as it'll have been 5 months in between visits and I only got to spend 9 days with him last time. I am so glad it's longer this time around.

[snow_girl]

Unless you start sprouting a penis from your bellybutton, its notmal. You don't need to come looking for validation of your feelings, if thats how you're feeling then thats okay. There is no "normal"

[maybe__someday]

Unless you start sprouting a penis from your bellybutton, its notmal. You don't need to come looking for validation of your feelings, if thats how you're feeling then thats okay. There is no "normal"

Hmm okay, well that's what I thought this site was about, sharing experiences and concerns or questions and getting back some advice and opinions.

[maybe__someday]

I think the first initial initiation is hard or awkward for me but it quickly feels natural.

People often show their affection in different ways but a lot of people really like physical affection. Do you feel uncomfortable being touched? How do you feel about other forms of affection such as verbal or gestures (like buying them something or doing something for them)?

Affection is an important part of a relationship, it's basically how you show and tell someone you care without being so direct and saying "I like you," or "I love you."

If you are finding it really hard to be affectionate toward them and receive affection from them you might want to question why that is for you. Because it could seriously affect your relationship down the line. But first try to see if there's any other way you express affection. I do think feeling awkward about holding hands is a bit much, though and it might be something you want to look into. Give it time and if it appears to really start to affect your SO or it just doesn't let up, then look further.

It's honestly affection in general, whether it's being physically touched, buying or receiving gifts, and verbal affection (this I can sometimes do online, but not in person).

Yes, and since it is so important, I really want to try and work on this. Maybe feeling awkward about holding hands is a little over the top, but to me the simple things are big things. Hopefully with time I can figure out why this is happening and work on it.

[differentcountries]

SO can sometimes feel awkward about affection. In some ways, I get it. By displaying your emotions you expose them. I have never been the one to say I love you first. I have the most relationship experience, so I allow myself to push him sometimes to ease him into things. Sometimes the little things are big, I think for SO it was harder to write me a card than to move in with me.

[p_b82]

Whether it is normal for another person is irrelevant if that is what *you* actually feel, and if you are not happy with the way you feel, then as you rightly say, you need to work on why that is and alter your mental perception of those actions - whether they are touching, gifting, complimenting etc.....

Personally, I can say things in writing I would curl up and squirm if I tried to say them in person - for me this is normal, for an outgoing extrovert that would not be the case......

I think you have done the right thing by talking about it with your BF, but be aware that if you are unable to find ways of talking his love language, he will eventually find that the relationship for him is un-fulfilling - I know this from personal experience - and it could lead to things getting strained. That does not mean that I am saying you should do things you are not comfortable with, but that if you can't it might just be that the two of you are not compatible and unfortunately that is the way things go sometimes.

It sounds to me as though you have some pretty high defensive walls you need to work on, and when you manage that, the intimacy will come easier - as it does with familiarity too in fairness; the more you do something the easier it gets...

I just had a thought that made me smile a little along those lines, I got so used to walking down the street with my ex holding her hand (we were together 5.5 years) that I often found myself grabbing a girl's hand if they were walking next to me by habit. That was a stranger one time, my mum another and my sister yet another until I finally managed to stop myself doing it

[R&R]

Each persons definition of "normal" is different. I am easily physically affectionate with my SO - even from within the first few seconds of being in his presence for the first time. I am also with my very best friend. We always hug when we see each other, etc.

As far as everyone else in my life, not so much. Even as my kids have grown, it's very rare with them but we are emotionally very connected. For the most part, I don't like my physical space "invaded".

I think pb_82 gave you some excellent advice and insight.

[snow]

With me, it depends on the person. I remember with my very first boyfriend, I felt absolutely uncomfortable doing anything with him, hugging, holding hands, cuddling, kissing and it stayed like that throughout the entire relationship.

I don't mind holding hands, hugging and kissing my husband, but when we met for the first time it took me a while to feel comfortable. I hug my big brother every time I see him, but I don't like hugging my little brother as it just feels awkward. One of my husband's best friends I like so much, I don't mind hugging him, another friend of his is making me feel uncomfortable when it comes to showing affection. I guess that's "normal" :P