Should I go?

[ljs]

Ive been in a long distance relationship with my guy for a couple of years and now have the opportunity to go to visit. I am in Melbourne Australia and he is Pittsburgh USA. The problem is I got sick with the flu and couldnt fly so had to postpone this trip yet again. It upset my bf and he broke up with me. Saying he thinks we should meet first to decide on where we go from here. Im so heart broken and to think I will travel all that way knowing he isnt my boyfriend is going to be hard and Im nervous. What if I fly all that way only for him to turn around and still not get back with me? I really dont know what to do. He wont fly to me because he hates flying so its all up to me to be the one that does all the traveling. Any advice? Do I just realize its over and move on? We have been on and off for 6 years as friends and in a relationship.

[Moon]

That's an awfully long time to be together without meeting, and an awfully long way for only one person to travel. I'm not sure I'd be able to continue a relationship where the other person wouldn't ever travel to see me, it isn't fair. If he cared enough, he'd do it.

You could still go though, even if to just meet him after so long, then maybe tour around Australia by yourself, since you have the opportunity, and might not again. I'd go, if I had the ticket anyway, but I'd be going to see Australia at this point, not really him. An LDR where one person refuses to compromise just doesn't work in the long run, he'd never meet your family, your friends, or see where you live and what you like to do.

[Miasmata]

He breaks up with you because you got sick? Really? Would you say that's how a person who loves you would act?

[Redheart14]

If that's the way he's going to react to something like that, I'd hate to think what he'd be like in a crisis and you needed him to fly to you. I personally wouldn't waste your time after he's done that. Relationships are about compromise and if he's unwilling to do that (especially in a LDR where visits are crucial) I'd cut your losses. Plus he could still turn around after the visit and say he doesn't want a relationship after you've spent all that money. I think he's shown you a huge red flag to how he deals with things not going to plan (even though getting sick clearly wasn't your fault). I'd just go somewhere different and not bother, you deserve better than that. Tough times are meant to pull you closer together ,not break you up.

[Kapwned]

Sounds like you are putting in much more work into him than his is into you, and you need to tell him that. Yes, a flu isn't the worst thing in the world, but you could get other people sick while traveling, and that could be people who can't handle the flu like the elderly, infants, and people with compromised immune systems. And for him to break up with you because of that is ridiculous. He'd have the right to be upset, but only at the situation, not you. And the fact that he is petty enough to not want to fly over there to meet you because he doesn't like to fly?

At this point you really have nothing to lose. If you don't go, you will lose him for sure, if you do, you have a chance. But before you decide to go you should try to talk to him and tell him that as of right now you are putting more work into making things right between the two of you than he is, and it seems like he is not seeing that. You need to know if he is in this and determined to make it work if you travel there. I know for some people when meeting in person it can be totally different than online and at a distance, and sadly for some it's for the worse, they just do not click. But he can't dangle that over you and think so cynically about your meeting. He needs to be enthusiastic and optimistic about you coming there.

[ljs]

Yeah its a hard decision. Im scared to travel there knowing he isnt my boyfriend. It was meant to be an exciting time but he seems so angry that the trip was canceled...by only a few days. We have had a lot of trouble trying to get me there with work and family commitments and now I can finally go but I guess after being in and out of this relationship for so long my heart is breaking. Its terrible Im lost about what to do.

[maybe__someday]

Doesn't sound like much of a boyfriend to me. I honestly wouldn't even waste my time or money taking the trip to meet him, if he doesn't even seem to care. Breaks up with you for falling sick? That's just ridiculous.

[Miasmata]

Be honest with yourself: Outside of this incident, was this a rewarding, supportive and positive relationship for you? What makes you want him to be your partner?

[1991md]

I can give you my 2 cents. I am not sure if it will be helpful or not, but I honestly think a meeting is definitely a must when deciding you do get along or not. It is very easy to develop feelings for someone you are used to talking to, but you need to check and see if it can be a reality. In my opinion I don't think it is right to make promises until you meet. The best thing you can do is make sure you are both on the same page and get to know each other better and see if they are worth meeting. It also helps that way it won't be awkward when you meet.

I am sorry to hear that things aren't going well for you both now, especially since you are able to visit. What if you both meet somewhere in the middle that way it won't be as far of a trip for you? What if you fly to California and he meet you there?

If you both are serious about each other and break up and never meet because of you getting the flu then that is a sad way to end it all. I would give it a few days time, let things settle in, and give him one final chance on whether or not he wants to meet you or not.

All the best to you!

[ljs]

It doesnt matter much now after a whole night of arguing. He admitted to contacting a woman he met online 12 months ago because he was mad at me 3 weeks ago. he always uses the excuse she is just a friend and that I should trust him. But Ive realized he is a sociopath. Ive also been financially supporting him for all these years too. Its a total mess. The end of the conversation lastnight he said ok lets be together and have you come over and try and then when I said Im uncomfortable that he is now emailing this other woman again after an argument he said thats it we are over for good. Im so mentally beat.

[Miasmata]

Wow, that really sounds like he was bleeding you dry then, both financially and emotionally. I'm really sorry. What's important now is that you take good care of yourself and realize that he wasn't worth it. Recognize what happened and how it happened, and understand that you deserve so much better. Don't let someone play with you like that.

[Zapookie]

You shouldn't ever send someone you've never met your hard earned money. Take it as a lesson, and try to move on. He's not worth wasting anymore time on.

[ljs]

Yes I know. But unfortunately Im learning he is a sociopath and they manipulate you into believing what you have with them is real.

[maybe__someday]

Yes I know. But unfortunately Im learning he is a sociopath and they manipulate you into believing what you have with them is real.

Wow, I really don't understand how people have the heart to do that. And you say you've been together for seven years? That's a long time to manipulate someone and use them for their own personal gain. Really sorry you've had to go through this. I hope that you can move on from it and take time for yourself.

[Redheart14]

At least you saw it now rather than after all the stress and money of a visit. On to bigger and better things. You deserve better and by cutting him loose you allow yourself the chance to find that.