It's been 4 months now...

[JohnGoober]

I've been in a relationship with a girl for a while now. Lately, I am starting to lose interest in her and we have fights often and I don't think it's my fault. The fights are mostly due to her refusing to skype. When we first started being friends, we had agreed upon skyping or calling to each other once in every few days.

It's been 4 months now and she still hasn't video chatted with me. Every time, she would give an excuse and today, she finally told me she doesn't like talking to someone on phone or skyping. I told her It makes me feel close to her when we video chat and I tried make her understand from my perspective but she got mad at me for starting a fight again. All we do is text and I want to talk to her at least once in a few days but she didn't even try to understand me. Am I forcing her and pressuring her to skype with me? Sure, she hates the concept of Skyping but I was hoping she would at least make an effort for me.

I'm starting to wonder if her and I will last any longer. I don't know if I'm being needy here. I tried to explain but it didn't work..What else can I do? Or should I just ignore it?

[MissButterfly]

So you still haven't met her yet? If not, then you're just going to get the exact same replies as in your previous threads. (You previously said that you had video chatted with her, and now you say you haven't... So what's up with that? We can't help you if you're inconsistent.) It's a red flag, it's weird, you have been talking for a long time. If she doesn't understand that you would like to see her face every now and then and you still don't have plans to meet, this isn't really progressing. You had these same worries months ago too. Has anything gotten better?

[JohnGoober]

So you still haven't met her yet? If not, then you're just going to get the exact same replies as in your previous threads. (You previously said that you had video chatted with her, and now you say you haven't... So what's up with that? We can't help you if you're inconsistent.) It's a red flag, it's weird, you have been talking for a long time. If she doesn't understand that you would like to see her face every now and then and you still don't have plans to meet, this isn't really progressing. You had these same worries months ago too. Has anything gotten better?

When we video chat, she doesn't talk, she types. I talk. Aside from these things, things are okay I guess but I really miss the voice communication.

[JohnGoober]

So you still haven't met her yet? If not, then you're just going to get the exact same replies as in your previous threads. (You previously said that you had video chatted with her, and now you say you haven't... So what's up with that? We can't help you if you're inconsistent.) It's a red flag, it's weird, you have been talking for a long time. If she doesn't understand that you would like to see her face every now and then and you still don't have plans to meet, this isn't really progressing. You had these same worries months ago too. Has anything gotten better?

You're right, it isn't progressing. I still haven't met her because I have been looking for a proper job. I'm in a lot of mess here, I need to fix this before I meet her. Maybe she has lost interest because I haven't met her yet.

[differentcountries]

So she has phone anxiety?

[JohnGoober]

So she has phone anxiety?

No. She just said she doesn't like talking on phone or on video. That's the only reason she gave me.

[TheSteelAngel]

No. She just said she doesn't like talking on phone or on video. That's the only reason she gave me.

I don't like talking on the phone either. It makes me really uncomfortable. Knowing that I have to make a phone call with someone just makes me sick to my stomach. When I first was talking to my SO I told him that I can't do Skype because I'm too scared and that I just don't feel comfortable with it. He understood and it took me a while before I finally was able to relent and actually talk to him. Now I love Skyping with him and I don't feel nervous with him at all.

I have a question for you though. When you guys Skype does she have her camera on? Are you able to see her at all? It just seems a little fishy that she keeps making excuses with you and just types when you guys talk unless she's scared. If she isn't scared then there is a possibility that she is catfishing you, though I really hope that that isn't the case here.

[Kapwned]

Phone calls and Skype calls feel different to me. I guess it's because when I do a Skype chat with someone there is no pressure to constantly talk I guess. I don't feel bad having a period of silence, nor do the people I call. Skype is not like phone calls to a lot of people it's like hanging out. When you hang out with friends you aren't constantly talking, there will be moments where you're both quiet. I wonder if this is what she doesn't like. I hope she isn't hiding her identity from you. We recently had someone come onto the forums claiming they had been giving their SO photos of their sister while claiming it was her. I've also heard of plenty of cases of people doing this and I can't wrap my mind around it but I wonder if that's possibly why she doesn't want to do chats.

Next time, why don't you ask what it is about Skype that she doesn't like? Does she feel pressured to talk? Does she not want to show her face? Her voice? etc.

[JohnGoober]

I don't like talking on the phone either. It makes me really uncomfortable. Knowing that I have to make a phone call with someone just makes me sick to my stomach. When I first was talking to my SO I told him that I can't do Skype because I'm too scared and that I just don't feel comfortable with it. He understood and it took me a while before I finally was able to relent and actually talk to him. Now I love Skyping with him and I don't feel nervous with him at all.

I have a question for you though. When you guys Skype does she have her camera on? Are you able to see her at all? It just seems a little fishy that she keeps making excuses with you and just types when you guys talk unless she's scared. If she isn't scared then there is a possibility that she is catfishing you, though I really hope that that isn't the case here.

We used to skype and talk before. We did it for a few months and yes, she had her camera on and everything. I dont think she's scared or nervous. If I ask her to Skype, she leaves her camera on but doesn't talk, she just types.

[TheSteelAngel]

We used to skype and talk before. We did it for a few months and yes, she had her camera on and everything. I dont think she's scared or nervous. If I ask her to Skype, she leaves her camera on but doesn't talk, she just types.

Maybe she just doesn't like the sound of her own voice and probably thinks you'll find it unattractive or something like that?

[maybe__someday]

I don't think you were very invested in this to begin with, if you're losing interest in her just because she won't Skype. That's just how it's come across to me. There's still ways to connect with someone emotionally, Skype isn't the only way. My (more than a) friend and I text a lot and send pictures, and that's enough for us; Skype is just a bonus when we can do it, but not a necessity. We've connected by text on such a strong level, probably more than some people who see each other in person have. Maybe you're just not cut out for a LDR, or maybe you have too many expectations. If she doesn't want to Skype, that's her choice. Accept it and find other ways to connect, or move on.

[nemolove_22]

I know for me personally, I am one who doesn't like talking on the phone, or over Skype - as I get SUPER self conscious whenever I have to video cam with someone, even if it is my SO. Maybe it will just take her time to get used to it - it is something that isn't for everyone.

Sometimes trying to understand where your SO is coming from - as much as you do want to Skype and all that - helps. Have you ever tried just directly asking her "Is there a reason that you're not comfortable Skyping over Cam and talking?" Don't accuse her of anything, just try to figure out why she feels the way that she feels about it.

It's about working with one another, and starting to lose interest after only 4 months just because of this - LDRs are hard work, but it's about finding those ways that work for both of you - compromise and don't pressure her into doing something she's not comfortable doing - understand that she may have an issue talking over Skype, or on the phone etc... Take the time to understand where she's coming from.