Overthinking?

[AshleyMarieButler]

The only thing I hate about distance is the added worries, the assumptions, overthinking, etc. It's not that I don't trust my SO, it's just every time I see him in a photo with another girl, my heart aches. I do not feel threatened because I trust him, I am just jealous. I hate that the girl in the photo had the chance to be beside him, to actually stand next to him.

Yes, a few times I have gotten jealous even though him and the girl are just "Friends".. I just hate she can spend all this time with him while I am seeing it all from a distance from my phone..

I sometimes get the urge to hang out with one of my guy friends and post tons of photos of us being silly, just to see what my SO would say, and if it would allow him to try to talk to me a little more than we have here lately, but then I realize that's just childish of me..

Yes, we love each other a lot, but I feel like he needs to realize that he might be my first love, and we might be wrapped around each others fingers, but that doesn't mean you can do whatever you want and not message me and expect me to understand, or to automatically know what you're doing. I get worried easily because of my past, and I over think. If you read my message and don't reply for a long period of time, or do not explain what you're doing, I will assume the worst. I don't mean message me every time you're planning on leaving your house, or send me a paragraph explaining what you're doing, or what time you'll be doing it. I simply mean send me a message like, "Hey, I wont be able to talk much today because of work.", or "Sorry baby, but I wont be able to talk today, bad service here lately. i'll try to talk to you as much as i possibly can!"

Also, the "girl" that is his friend.. I know nothing about her. I don't know if they have a past, or if he used to have feelings for her, or if she stays the night with him like I have considered she did once because of Snapchat but I may have been overthinking that.
I am not one of those females that flips out on a guy over little things, I have a high patience, but with him it's different because of the distance.

I have been cheated on before quit a few times by my last relationships. One of those times was also a distance relationship. It didn't last long, and the guy had started off as my best friend. Luckily he had told me he cheated and apologized.. but still, my trust after that faltered.

I trust my SO, just not the lurking females who do not know how to keep their hands off..

[Unconditional]

If you trust him then you trust him. Because it takes two to cheat after all. If she makes a move on him nothing will happen because you have to trust him to be able to tell her NO and to stay faithful to you. And if you trust him to do that then there is no need to worry.
I know that over-thinking is hard to stop believe me i get that but you have to try your hardest to control those feelings if you don't they will not only eat away at you and make you bitter, but your relationship as well.

[AshleyMarieButler]

I do not feel like this all the time.. It is very rare. But if I do feel the urge to overthink I will remember that I trust him, and he would never hurt me. I do not need to allow the worries to control my emotions, because you're right. It will eat away at me and cause the relationship to bitter. Thanks!

[whatruckus]

I feel your pain, but you need to let him know this too. My SO has a lot of friends that are girls too, pretty, skinny ones. In fact, I got a little annoyed at him the other day because he added 2 girls (who are very pretty and very skinny) the other day, and I texted him, "Who are all these girls you keep adding on Facebook?" He got annoyed, but it's hard for me sometimes to see it when it pops up in my Newsfeed. Like I told him in an email I just sent him last night, it's not that I don't trust him. I just don't like girls thinking he's single (his relationship status is hidden on FB and no one can see what anyone writes on his wall besides what he writes, only he can see everything, all because of security reasons that have to do with his job. Plus, he has to approve things he's tagged in before they post to his wall). He also doesn't message me back a lot because he forgets.

I was cheated on too, by my ex, and we were kind of LD (he lived 40mins away) and he was always texting/hanging out with other girls. There were girls that even tried to start problems with me when I was with him. I'm afraid that might happen again with my SO because they don't know he has a girlfriend, and they don't know that I'M his girlfriend. All they see is me commenting on his posts a lot.

So, I completely understand where you're coming from. It's hard, but you and I both need stop worrying so much. I've gotten a lot better at controlling it, though I do have my slip-ups (like the other day). But, the more I explain to him why I get this way, the more understanding he is. He tries to accommodate me, and messages me when he can, but he's a scatter brain.

[differentcountries]

I am not jealous of his friends, who I know and have met and it is all platonic, but I know for a fact that my SO gets sexual offers, both from strangers and people he knows from before. He refuses them of course, sometimes he tells me about them. It used to bug me, but now I realize it is something that comes with the job he has and the lifestyle he used to have. It doesn't mean anything, unless it is something he wants to pursue. It also helps that although we are not official of fb, I am getting known as his gf. If anyone asks about him, they will be told he is taken.

Are you sure you are all that jealous? You sound more envious about their chance to spend cd time with your SO. Also, you seem upset that he doesn't always keep you in the loop. If you focus on making ld time meaningful and him sending updates about what he is doing, those traces of jealousy might fade.

[TheSteelAngel]

If you read my message and don't reply for a long period of time, or do not explain what you're doing, I will assume the worst. I don't mean message me every time you're planning on leaving your house, or send me a paragraph explaining what you're doing, or what time you'll be doing it. I simply mean send me a message like, "Hey, I wont be able to talk much today because of work.", or "Sorry baby, but I wont be able to talk today, bad service here lately. i'll try to talk to you as much as i possibly can!"

^^This I totally agree with you on. I get a little antsy with my SO too when he responds late to my texts, and I kinda went off on him the other day about it too. Thankfully he's gotten better at texting me now haha.

Don't let Facebook or any other social media site destroy your relationship. If you trust him then keep to his word. Guys don't like it when you doubt everything they tell you. They'll start to pull away and may end up making your worst fears come to life. So if he tells you that she is just a friend, believe him unless you have physical proof that says otherwise.

[1991md]

Greetings!

I completely understand you having these second thoughts of jealousy. What makes it harder is when you keep it in your mind then it starts to eat you.

I can't say I can give the most helpful advice, but, all you can honestly do is trust him. You now each other many years which is great. You had plenty of time to figure out the type of person he is. Do you honestly think he is the type of guy who chases after girls?

Unless you have your reasons to question his actions I wouldn't think anything of it. I agree try to stick away from social media it could definitely make you jealous and cause trouble. Also, don't try to make him purposely jealous. That is the most childish thing you can do. You know how it feels, why make him feel the same way? Especially if he doesn't intentionally make you jealous.

I am one to overthink as well and it is just easier and a better feeling to relax and keep calm. Main thing is trust and to think if he is a guy who would go behind your back chasing after girls. From what you say I don't think you have anything to worry about.

I hope the best for you. Goodluck!

[Kapwned]

Sounds like you are having a bit of trust issues, but you're not being the aggressively or outwardly possessive type. It's not about how you feel, it's how you react to it and deal with it. You realize what you're feeling is difficult and at times not the best option. It's okay to be a little jealous. We all succumb to envy and jealousy at times. We have to remind ourselves of the reality of the situation while some people will just enable themselves to feel that way. Why don't you be honest with him? There is nothing wrong with feeling jealous because others get to do the things you want to do with him. That doesn't mean you don't trust him. You're just envious of his friends for getting to do stuff with him while you can't.

But going into the realm of wanting to show off your male friends is a passive aggressive punishment for something he hasn't done. He most likely won't even be bothered by it because he trusts that you will not do anything with those guys.

I have had 6 boyfriends total, and 3 of them have cheated on me. Trust me, I know how it is. I can definitely be hyper aware of signs of people becoming too close for my own comfort based off of patterns I've seen from exes who cheated. You shouldn't use it as a crutch or excuse to request or demand that he do certain things. But it's undeniable that at some point we may become concerned if our SO becomes particularly close to someone of the sex that they're attracted to, paired with certain things such as never referring to said friend by name (always 'my friend' or 'they') despite never really having a problem referring to friends by name in the past, or when you're in a Skype chat or call you can hear them constantly chatting away via IM with someone else or texting with someone else even though they'd never really do that.

These were signs of my last boyfriend who cheated on me and they were pet peeves of mine in the relationship that followed. If my boyfriend always referred to a friend as they or my friend, I'd be like "Does your friend have a name?" or if he was too busy texting or IMing another person while we were in a call or playing a game together I'd say "Do I need to leave you to your little conversation you're having there? Because I'd like a little more of your attention if you're going to attempt to spend time with me."

So I guess long story short, be honest about the fact that you sometimes feel envious when you see and hear about all of the things his friends (don't say other girls...) get to do with him that you wish you could. Just to engage him. See how he reacts to that. And don't be afraid of asking indirect questions to help get things out in the open for yourself, but without an accusing tone. Like how I used to ask my ex what his friends names were. But also most importantly, try to learn how to simply trust him. If he hasn't given you any proof or dangerously suspicious reasons to doubt him, then you shouldn't treat him like you should, and you shouldn't.