My friend and I have known each other for almost 3 years now. We met online at a pen pals site. We call each other friends but we both have very deep feelings for each other and act like we're in a relationship. We met last summer when I traveled for work. Well, of course meeting him and spending a weekend with him made me want more, like a relationship and just to be with him. Well I returned to my state and he to his and the missing and longing feeling was so strong, I felt needy at times, like as if I just needed to know he feels the same for me, and it wasn't all the time, just at times. Well, he was acting strange so I asked him about it and he asked me to change my flight (I was to see him in two months) because he wanted to hang out with college friends...and I told him he felt like he didn't feel the same for me as i felt for him...he broke my heart and told me he can tell I feel more for him than he does for me, and we took a break. Well, that was the longest two months of my life, I cried all the time. We shared a few emails and he had said he cried, too. We eventually started talking again and back to our feelings. I still struggle to trust him fully, trust that he wouldn't do it to me again and he promises he won't but it's a very big struggle, on top of that, I miss him more and more each day. So much in feel sad and I just want to cry, though I am going to see him in July, it's like the closer I get to seeing him, I miss him terribly and when I mention to him, it seems like he pulls away and he brushes it off. I feel like I can't talk to him sometimes and that feeling is terrible. Like he's not there for me emotionally, though I know he's not an emotional person, I accept that. But shouldn't there be compromise? Or maybe I'm not being considerate of how he's not emotional? :/
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People have different ways of dealing with emotions. I fought with my SO over our differences just before I left him. I am very upfront with my emotions, I like to cry and get hugs etc. He can be like a little soldier and not show much empathy. Compromise is not easy, because then you have to know what to do. I am teaching him how to put words to his own emotions and deal with mine.I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
- Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"
"Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits -
Like differentcountries said, I often get upset that I can't just get a simple hug from my SO - he gets how I feel and he's very understanding of that. He always reassures me that soon we'll be together again and that we'll take absolute advantage of the time we do have. Sometimes I used to feel like he didn't miss me, but honestly he's just not one for showing emotions all that much, but when he does show them, I know for sure that he cares so much about me and that a lot of the time, he just wants a hug too, but he keeps it to himself rather than vocalising it like I do. He is getting better though - I've spoken to him about it and he told me his reasons for why he's quiet about those things, but I've reassured him that he can talk to me about anything and let out his emotions whenever, and he eventually realised that I really meant it, so he's a lot better at showing his emotions with me now. It just takes some time and understanding of each other.
I'm also the same with the missing him more the closer we get to meeting. I think it's because I know that it's so close to happening yet we still aren't there yet and I'm just getting impatient
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Thank you!
Thank you for this. That's exactly how I am, I want to cry and get hugs and I'm very emotional unlike him. Did you ever feel like it was pushing him away? He seems to get distant sometimes when I mention it, or like...blunt/cold. I don't know. But I know he cares, it's just we're completely opposite when coming to emotions.Originally posted by differentcountries View PostComment
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Thank you for this! I'm so glad you can relate to this, both of you. I'm the same way, I get upset and impatient and he tells to just be patient and we will be together again. And I know it's coming but it's like not coming fast enough so I get impatient and a little worried that he might ask me to change my flight or come another time or simply tell me it's too overwhelming again, the missing and longing. I know that I'll definitely have to have a talk with him when I see him in July because it's definitely not easy feeling all this and feeling like he doesn't care. I'm just nervous I'll push him away...but I guess I shouldn't be and if it does, then...that speaks volumes.Comment
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Thank you for this! I'm so glad you can relate to this, both of you. I'm the same way, I get upset and impatient and he tells to just be patient and we will be together again. And I know it's coming but it's like not coming fast enough so I get impatient and a little worried that he might ask me to change my flight or come another time or simply tell me it's too overwhelming again, the missing and longing. I know that I'll definitely have to have a talk with him when I see him in July because it's definitely not easy feeling all this and feeling like he doesn't care. I'm just nervous I'll push him away...but I guess I shouldn't be and if it does, then...that speaks volumes.Comment
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Something you need to keep in mind is the fact that (based off of what you told us) you aren't even in a relationship yet. If he is continuing to pull away there may be a reason for it. This probably isn't what you want to hear, but it is possible that he still doesn't feel the same way you do about him. I was the one to pull away from an ex. He felt way stronger for me than I did for him and wanted to talk and see each other all the time. I felt smothered and continued to pull away because, in all honesty, I just wasn't that into him. I'm not saying that this is for sure the case with you, but there is a possibility that you aren't pushing him away but rather he was never really there to begin with.
I also would like to note that you can't spend your life being sad over your SO not being there. Yes, you will be sad and even in the best of LDR's there will be moments when you lose it and cry and let that overwhelm you. There really isn't much of a life you're living if you're constantly sad over your SO. You need to get on with your life and enjoy it even without him there because waiting to live your life until the next visit isn't healthy at all.Comment
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Yes, you're very right. I don't smother him, I know that. I usually wait for him to text me because he works overnight so I know he sleeps during the day. And at one point he did tell me that he felt I felt stronger for him than he did for me...and we did end things. Then we started talking again he said it felt like something was missing in his life and that he doesn't ever want to hurt me like that again. It's just he wanted to be 100% in us Before getting too deep into it. And you're right, I know missing him and all that all the time isn't healthy and I do go on with my life, it's just how can you not think about someone who's always in your thoughts?Originally posted by MissingMyDutchLove View Post
I've asked him if he felt differently for me, to tell me before I see him again because I couldn't bear it if what happened last time happened again.
I don't know...i sometimes think it's better for me to not talk about how I miss him, etc., but just take each day as it comes until I can see him again.Comment
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