My Addict

[hmrambling]

As an addict myself, I can tell you that you did not 'get him clean'. Partners of addicts don't really get addicts clean. No addict gets clean or stays clean unless the addict really wants to be clean (and sober) himself. If you are going to stay in this relationship, I suggest AlAnon for you. Is the addict involved in a 12 step program? Does he want to recover from the addiction for himself?

Drinking/drugs led me to 12 step programs.
12 step programs help to keep me sober.

The threat of losing a significant other/partner was not/would not be enough to keep me clean/sober. There is no consequence that was great enough that would keep me clean/sober. I might have wanted to stay clean/sober for my girlfriend, but that alone was not enough to keep me sober. No way.

For those of you who might not understand how addictions work:

Dear Friend,

I have come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. I want to make you restless so you can never relax. I want to make you jumpy, nervous, and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable.

I want you to be confused and depressed, so that you can't think clearly and positively. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the things you have done in the past and you'll never be able to let go of. I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you are. I want you to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but me for the way things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy and to manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you feel fearful and paranoid for no reason at all. I want to make you wake up all hours of the night screaming for me. You know you can't sleep without me, I'm even in your dreams. I want to be the first thing you think about every morning and the last thing you think about before you black-out.

I'd rather kill you, but I'd be happy enough to put you back in the hospital, another institution, or jail. But you know that I'll be waiting for you when you get out. I love to watch you slowly go insane. I can't help but sneer and chuckle when you shiver and shake; when you freeze and sweat at the same time; when you wake up with the sheets and blankets soaking wet. It's amusing to watch you ignore yourself; not eating, not sleeping, not even attending your personal hygiene.

Yes, it's amazing how much destruction I can be to your internal organs while at the same time working on your brain, destroying it bit by bit.

I deeply appreciate how much you are sacrificing for me. The countless good jobs you have given up for me; all the friends that you deeply cared for, you gave up for me.

And what's more, the ones you turned yourself against because of your inexcusable actions. I am eternally grateful, especially for the loved ones, family and the more important people in the world that you have turned yourself against. You threw even those away for me!

But do not despair, my friend, for on me you can always depend. After you have lost all these things, you can still depend on me to take even more. You can depend on me to keep you in living HELL, mind, body, and soul. For I will not be satisfied until you ARE DEAD, my friend.

Forever Yours,

Your Addiction

[Kapwned]

To those who fear pain relievers, the low dose ones shouldn't be of any concern, such as Advil, Tylenol, Aspirin, etc. It's pretty hard to get high off of them. It's the stuff that requires prescriptions that you need to be careful with.

I don't have much to suggest here though as my experience with addicts has not been a positive one. Just please promise yourself that there has to be a point when you walk away. I understand that addiction, especially physical addictions, is an illness, but at the same time it's like a physical illness that also turns into a mental illness. And any illness is never an excuse to endure the sufferers abuse and manipulation. You should not let them take advantage of you and drain you of your time, energy, and resources in order to support their addiction. There is a point where you have to walk away. Sometimes the more you care and nurture the more you enable them and trick them into thinking they can just take you for granted. And there is a point where they have to get help. But any help will not be effective until they truly truly want it and work hard at it.

[Miasmata]

To those who fear pain relievers, the low dose ones shouldn't be of any concern, such as Advil, Tylenol, Aspirin, etc. It's pretty hard to get high off of them. It's the stuff that requires prescriptions that you need to be careful with.

Yes and no - You don't get a real "kick" from low dose painkillers, but when taken more than recommended, they can still numb you down quite a bit, which can also be addicting. That's how it was for my SO, at the very least. He used both prescription painkillers and over-the-counter ones as long as he could get that numbing feeling he was craving.

[hmrambling]

People can abuse any substance, it doesn't really matter what it is. That's why we call it drug abuse. There are shows on TV that explain how alcoholics bring themselves to drink hand sanitizer. Of course hand sanitizer is not intended for human consumption. I took over the counter diet pills in a manner in which they were not intended - abuse. Any time that people take substances in a manner that they were not intended, instructed or prescribed, that is abuse. Addicts abuse drugs. None of us have any idea what OP's SO will or will not use or abuse. Sometimes the addict himself doesn't know what he is capable of abusing until he does actually abuse that substance.