New Long Distance Relationship

[Kirb]

Hello everyone, I figured i'd quit lurking, and join the site.(my apologies if this isn't in the right forum still trying to figure this site out) My relationship recently went from practically living together to a long distance relationship due to work, and having to move away. It's a lot harder on me than i thought it would be. We have a goal in mind of officially moving in together after my contract is done mid October, but that just seems like a lifetime away at this point. The actual relationship is still going strong, we both are just extremely depressed. Our schedules right now are killing us both because it's been a struggle being able to have calls, and have a real conversation, but when we do have calls it just doesn't feel right. I'm finding it hard to have a full conversation. It's almost like i can't be myself on the phone. I really do miss our in person interactions. Seems so much more natural, It feels like im trying on the phone, but in person i don't it just feels natural. Does this ever get easier? We've been planning activities to do together over the internet. So were going to be starting TV series nights on the phone. I'm hoping this will help the night-time struggles. I personally have been having issues sleeping, and feel intense feelings of loneliness before bed when it's just me, and my thoughts.

Just wish this whole thing was easier, everyday i consider breaking my contract and just pack up, and leave just to go back to be with her. But it's so much more complicated.

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions i can do to help make this whole situation easier? Just trying to be happy, and take it all day by day.

[Miasmata]

First off, do you mean you are legitimately mentally ill when you say "depressed", or do you mean "just" sad? I mean no offense, there's just a big difference between the two, and the advice people can give you depends on that.

Assuming you mean the loneliness and sad emotions, there are several ways you can adress it. Do you have a countdown? If you don't, get one! Personally, I went all out and had both a physical calendar and countdowns on my phone and laptop. I would strike off the days, one every morning, on the calendar, and also often look at the countdown app/widget on my phone/laptop. Seeing the days slowly but steadily pass reminded me to keep moving forward, and that I'll see my SO again sooner than I'll think.
You should also have keepsakes around. For me, a shirt that my SO wore was a big help with sleeping. I had plushies/big pillows to hug and his shirt wrapped around one of the pillows to have his smell and presence close. Of course it doesn't replace the person, but it brings that feeling a bit closer, and made me dread going to bed less. Also, when you go to bed, remember that another day has passed and you are another day closer to being with each other again.

Activties together are a big help. Play online games (there's both PC/console games with online multiplayer and also Flash games on websites with stuff like Draw Something, Snooker, the works), use Synchtube/Cytube to watch Youtube videos together while you're in a Skype call, send each other cute pictures/links of nice stuff you saw. If you got a camera or a phone with one, send selfies or photos of things you saw in the area that you liked. Include each other in your lives. Don't focus on the sadness, focus on keeping busy and enjoying your lives whenever possible, and you'll have so much more to talk about as a result.

Trust me, carrying out your contract is going to be good for your career, and you'll be back with her before you know it. See this as a good chance to practice your communication skills and a way to strenghten your relationship.

[Moon]

You're talking about less than 6 months here, that's nothing in the scheme of things, anyone can do almost anything for less than 6 months. Stop spending the time feeling sad and trying to over-analyze your conversations, just chat, chat about your day, chat about what you had for lunch, chat about politics, philosophy, whatever floats your boat, and let this short amount of time fly by. If you can't figure out how to make your relationship work during a temporary challenge, what does that say about your future? You can make it easier by not putting pressure on yourself to make it like it was when you were together, decide to enjoy your relationship one day at a time, and learn from your temporary LDR.

[Kirb]

Cheers, thanks! It's mainly just being sad, and sluggish. Depressed wasn't the word i should have used. It's especially hard the first day or two after we last see each other. It's not that were not making it work. We are. We both just miss each other a lot. I have enough trust, and i think out relationship is solid enough that the distance won't kill the love. It's just hard not being able to have that physical connection with one another.

I liked the Countdown idea though! I put that on my phone. Seeing it in the day form really helps the moral. Looking at it as "only X more days" and taking it each day as a time. I was talking to a Co-worker that went through the same thing, and she gave me some good pointers. I'm going to be working on enjoying each day, and to just have fun. trying to keep it from getting the better of me. We discussed about doing skyping right before bed, putting tv on watching the same show, and falling asleep to that. Hopefully that will help the night time sadness.

But one thing we've both noticed is this distance is driving us crazier for eachother, and it's making us closer in a sense.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I agree with everything that has already been said. I think sometimes we're a little rough on you newbies because of our own circumstances. I try really hard to remember how hard that first part of LD was and that everyone has their own challenges in their relationships. Your worries and struggles are legitimate. That being said, you are going to be LD for less than a year and it's definite at that. Count your lucky stars that you have an end in sight and that you aren't trying to figure out how you can possibly be together. You have to consider your relationship in a real world context. Yes, it is hard to be apart for a year. There are many couples who can't last that long and who miss each other desperately and will fall apart. Personally, I feel damn lucky that I have experienced LD with my SO because I know that we can literally get through anything, even not seeing each other for seven whole months at a time. I have no idea when I will ever get the close the distance with my SO, yet I feel so lucky because I get to see my SO at least once a year (so far...who knows what the future holds) when there are plenty of people on here that go a year (+) without seeing their SO. We all have our own circumstances and they are all hard situations, but you will be reunited with your SO permanently before you know it. Try to think about this as time to improve your relationship as well as yourself. You get to see how your relationship thrives in new challenges while getting a chance to improve yourself as if you weren't in a relationship. Feel like you never have time to read, basket weave, see your friends, or master the art of netflix when you are together? TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT NOW!

[differentcountries]

A word of advice about Skype: practice! Before I met my SO, I had only CD experience, apart from a past relationship before Skype that crumbled over the distance. I didn't feel like I could be myself, and in the beginning I was so shy I hardly talked on Skype, I just wrote. But slowly I was getting more and more used to this form of being together. I started to appreciate what it could offer. We had long, deep conversations because there was no distraction like tv. He was looking me in the eyes over Skype in ways that I swear felt more intimate than when we were physically together, because he was concentrating on me fully, doing nothing else but looking at me. We have gone trips down memory lane a million times. I love telling him when he is tired "Imagine you will fall asleep in my lap" or "Can I give you a hug", it is he same gesture from me as any physical contact and because he remembers the times we did that in person he can feel it in his body. We can have sex over Skype, too. Or one of us takes the phone out, it really helps to create the feeling of "I am there with you". He has Skyped with me from his workplace, his friends' houses, cafees....I have Skyped him from parks, from the light rail, from airports and parties.

And I surround myself with things from him; food from his country, music, gifts from him, pictures of us. We plan trips. I write him letters and make him countdown calenders, and in the past I have made him books. I have plans to make him an "explotion box", when I get my DIY stuff unpacked (I recently moved).

When I have to sleep alone, I find it helps me to have some big pillows I can hug. I even have a special pillow that is kind of flossy that I hug when I miss our cat!