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    #1

    Need advice!

    Hi there everyone, I'm new to this website. I decided to make this because i feel my friends are tired of hearing about my problems.

    Anyway, my boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and we started long distance 3 months ago.
    Everything used to go fine and he used to be really sweet to me. he used to always tell me how much he misses me
    and how much he loves me, and all the things we would do when he gets back.
    but now, i find he doesnt do that as much anymore. He never asks me how my day has been or anything like that or if im even okay.
    its just been hard. We're exclusive but we both like drinking and going out. But ive been feeling kind of iffy cause he never tells me right away if hes going out. I usually just find out about a week after when we usually have our face time dates.
    he used to ask me for photos as well and he used to always want to get sexy on the phone but now he hasnt even talked about it. he used to always want to face time as well but like the past 2 times, ive always been the one initiating it. I talked to him about it before and he sent me a long message saying that everything is ok and hes never missed anyone as much as he misses me but then after a few days, he was basically distant again..
    is that something i need to worry about? you think he might be cheating?


    I just feel really stressed and emotional with him being away and i dont really know what to do about it... please help me. I feel like im going crazy :/
    Tags: advice, boyfriend trouble, sad
    #2
    The only thing that I can tell you is to keep that communication going. That is all that you have right now and you need to use it to your advantage. The hard part about LD is that you create stories in your head. You think that your SO is cheating or that he isn't that into it anymore because of a text or a bad skype session when in reality he was just tired/stressed/etc. Not saying that it's all in your head, because it's very possible that it isn't. However, I had plenty of times that I was feeling neglected by my SO and as soon as I talked to him about it I felt substantially better. Most of the time he had no idea I was feeling that way or he didn't realize the way he was coming across. I am also way needier than he is and I need more attention, especially LD because I don't get that physically reassurance. When I told him he stepped up his game to try to make me feel loved and appreciated. If you continue to keep that communication open and he still doesn't change anything, I think that tells you something.

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      #3
      My boyfriend is the same way too. In our case it's because he has too much going on in his life all at once, that he just doesn't have the mindset of being cute with me. That doesn't mean that he doesn't love me or doesn't miss me. He also just feels comfortable enough with me that he feels that he doesn't have to constantly say those things anymore. Sure it bugs the living hell out of me but at least he still wants to talk to me and that's kinda all I need from him. Communication is super important in any kind of relationships so as long as he is still talking with you, you have nothing to worry about. Don't worry so much that you don't talk as often as you used to. What matters most is the quality of those conversations.

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        #4
        It seems like maybe he's just starting to get used to the distance. Or, you guys are coming out of the honeymoon phase. My SO rarely asks me how my day was. I also usually initiate our conversations. He also doesn't ask for pictures much anymore either. We've pretty much just settled in our relationship, but this is also coming from my experience and my relationship.

        It could also be that he's not getting used to the distance too. Like, it could be his way of coping with being apart because he doesn't want to feel down and sad all the time and miss you.

        If he says things are fine, and he misses you, leave it at that. Sometimes people don't want to show their weakness and vulnerability. My SO sure doesn't.

        And, my SO never tells me he's going out until he's already out. Or, I find out a couple days later. It's annoying. I don't think he's cheating on me, or would ever cheat on me, but it does get annoying being the last one to know when he's gone out.

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          #5
          So, you started off as a close distance couple, doing fine, but now you have been long distance for 3 months and he is not as nice to you over the distance?
          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
            So, you started off as a close distance couple, doing fine, but now you have been long distance for 3 months and he is not as nice to you over the distance?
            Well he is still nice to me, its just that he doesnt make an effort that much to keep a conversation going like said like asking me how i am and stuff like that. When we were in the same country, everything was fine. And i didn't really need to talk to him as much day in and out. but of course now, its much harder, and i definitely need to know that im part of his life and he cares about mine. is that crazy? sometimes i dont want to talk to him anymore about it because i dont want him to think im psycho...

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              #7
              Originally posted by krxssy View Post
              Well he is still nice to me, its just that he doesnt make an effort that much to keep a conversation going like said like asking me how i am and stuff like that. When we were in the same country, everything was fine. And i didn't really need to talk to him as much day in and out. but of course now, its much harder, and i definitely need to know that im part of his life and he cares about mine. is that crazy? sometimes i dont want to talk to him anymore about it because i dont want him to think im psycho...
              No you're not crazy. That just comes with the territory of being long distance. You aren't in each other's presence anymore so naturally you're curious about what he's up to. It sounds to me that you just need to get used to being LD now. If he's still nice to you then you shouldn't really try to fix what isn't broken.

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by krxssy View Post
                Well he is still nice to me, its just that he doesnt make an effort that much to keep a conversation going like said like asking me how i am and stuff like that. When we were in the same country, everything was fine. And i didn't really need to talk to him as much day in and out.
                If you were a Close distance couple first, it will take some trasition to no longer use physical closeness and body language to the same extent to show you he cares. It may be that is feels harder for him to talk, while you find you ned it more.
                I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                Comment

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