i need urgent support

[dedaprincess]

Please. I really need help. After two days its two years anniversary of my ldr. My boyfriend is from india and we never met. I am from slovakia. Thats in europe. People, i cant handle it more. I really love him, but i need his hug, kisses, and of course sex. I lost all my friends, because they think that i am stupid because i love someone who i never seen. I have no one, and all days i am spending at my room. I never go out, because i feel lonely. And always when i see couples outdoors, i just cry and go in deep depression. Year ago i was cutting myself, i remember it helped, but i stopped it due to my bf always cut himself too after i did. We dont skype, because i havent pc and my phone is too old for handle skype. We only use whatsapp and sim calls. Last months, i cant study properly. I am going to be kicked out of school due to bad rating and behaviour. I cant concentrate at anything because i miss him too much. He trying to meet me for more than year, but his visa got always reject. This time he applied again. But we both dont know i it will be accept. So we both thinked about broke. But i cant accept imagination of loosing him. We had so beautiful plans for future, he already bought me engagement ring, i did too. But matter is that i have fear that he may kill himself if we break up. I know him well and i know he is able to do that. I dont want to give up. But after two years of starving for kiss and sex, of laughing from others, of being alone in bed (since i survived car accident i have nightmares every night) of being not able to study and of bein isolated at home, i just got weak. And i have fear of this summer. I am sure we will not meet while this summer. And i dont know what i will do at vacation while i cant leave my home. My city is full of couples kissing on street and seeing of this really hurt me because i never got this from my bf. And i havent any friends, i dont know how to find them. I need to meet my bf for reborn. But i dont know if he get visa. People please advice me what i do. I dont want destroy life of my bf because i am his first love and he also dont know how to talk to girls, same as i dont know how to talk to boys. He is only boy to whom i ever talked. And i am tired of daily listening my classmates how they enjoyed sex with bf last night while i not even touched mine for two years. My dream was to have babies with him. Its his dream too. People please advice me. Broke or not? How i get powet to wait for him more?
(Sorry for my bad english)

[differentcountries]

Try to find an internet cafe or somewhere else so you can Skype at least once in a while.

For travels, you can apply for a visa to India. Or the both of you could try to meet up somewhere where it is easier for him to get a visa.

[dedaprincess]

I cant afford going to india, i am from pretty poor family, havent money even for new phone 😩 plus, since i got crushed by car, my parents not letting me go anywhere 😂. Thats why my bf want to come in vienna, thats only one hour by train for me. He have some relatives in america, i said him to go there at least for leave to better country! But he just saying no to every country which is far from me 😢 and yes, i have at least IMO, but his network always sucks and we both are sooooo pixelized ...how much i hate that

[Harlequin]

Your biggest issue is most likely not from the relationship you're in, and honestly it would benefit you to seek out a therapist. It sounds like you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which is very common after experiencing something like surviving a car accident. It would explain the nightmares, the depression, the isolation, the heightened anxiety, your poor behaviour, etc. You need to talk to someone about that. Once you're able to regain control of yourself, all the other issues will calm down, and you'll feel a lot more confident in your relationship in addition to other areas of your life.

I wouldn't worry about how either of you can't talk to boys or girls, since we're going to treat this like your relationship is going to last. Don't worry about that bridge until you need to cross it. I wouldn't worry about things that are not issues right now, because your anxiety is going to be very easy to set off, and it's only going to make things worse. PTSD, although triggered by a traumatic event, greatly impacts the way you handle any sort of stress. What you need to do is keep yourself calm, and if you can, ground yourself. If you need help with ways on how to ground yourself, I can help you.

You need to keep pushing yourself forward, but be careful to not burn yourself out. Understand where your limits actually are, and what is simply something you're a little unsure about. Try to keep your thoughts positive. When you see couples walking around outside, instead of being upset because you don't have it, be happy for the couple and be happy that one day you'll be able to do that with your s/o. Try to rebuild your friendships, or find new ones with people that aren't going to ditch you over something so silly. You can find friends by going to social situations where you feel comfortable, and being yourself. Don't worry about how everyone else is having sex. It's not a race, and while it sucks that you can't have sex with your boyfriend right now, you'll have plenty of time in the future to explore that. Basically, don't worry about what your peers think of your relationship. You're not dating them, so they don't matter.
Look into finding a therapist for your PTSD, and if you cannot afford one, then do research online about PTSD and how to cope with it. I cannot stress enough how important it is you get that taken care of. You will feel so, so much better when that is taken care of.

If your boyfriend is harming himself, or if he's at a risk for committing suicide, then he also needs to seek help. Neither of you should be feeling that way, and it's SO important to do something about that.

Also keep in mind that you're young. You will learn how to interact with people, and it's going to be okay. Things will be okay regardless of how your current relationship turns out. You have time, so just go step by step.

[ukusa]

I completely 100% agree with Harlequin. It sounds like your struggles stem from your accident or other triggers. If you get help trust me you will be so so so much happier. Be patient with yourself though.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Just to piggy back on a great post, you are SO incredibly young. Please, please don't let your life revolve around a relationship. Find a way to make yourself happy by yourself! It'll take time, but it can and will happen! I think that Harlequin's suggestions could really help. Best of luck!

[Chris516]

He needs to travel to see you.

Since the Soviet Union dissolved in 1991 after 74yrs. in existence, and the 'puppet states'(Cuba notwithstanding) fell after that, there has not been a great improvement in the revitalization of those countries. I traveled to (Prague)Czech Republic, (Auschwitz)Poland, and (Budapest)Hungary in 1991. Even though it has been twenty-four years since I have been there. Those locales', were in major need of revitalization, economically, infrastructure, transportation, production, and industry.

So again, he needs to come to you.

[Harlequin]

He needs to travel to see you.

Since the Soviet Union dissolved in 1991 after 74yrs. in existence, and the 'puppet states'(Cuba notwithstanding) fell after that, there has not been a great improvement in the revitalization of those countries. I traveled to (Prague)Czech Republic, (Auschwitz)Poland, and (Budapest)Hungary in 1991. Even though it has been twenty-four years since I have been there. Those locales', were in major need of revitalization, economically, infrastructure, transportation, production, and industry.

So again, he needs to come to you.

...the Soviet Union and the current upkeep of the former Soviet states doesn't have anything to do with her personal situation. Furthermore, they're well aware they need to visit each other, and he's been trying quite a few times to come see her. Part of her issue is that both she and her s/o are feeling incredibly bogged down since his visa application keeps getting rejected and she currently cannot afford to go to India to see him. That aspect of their situation isn't from a lack of trying, but seemingly a lack of options.