Distance is making me crazy!

[twentynine11]

I think the distance is really getting to me!
We made it through two years long distance while he was obtaining his masters degree. I think we both handled the distance well during that time. I saw him as much as possible and I feel I was in a good mind set.
Now he was accepted into med school so we have 4+ years to go. I'm not sure what it is, but something changed in me. I still love him the same. My desire to be with him is even stronger now though. The distance hurts and I'm not coping with it as well as I have in the past two years.
I'm looking for advice and support. How do you cope when the pain of distance is unbearable? How do you cope when your mind is telling you that he isn't going to want you this long and he is going to forget all about you within the next four years?
I want to hear success stories, PLEASE!!!!

[1991md]

Was the end goal to have him finish his studies and relocate to you, or to keep at a distance for a while?

If he got into med school he has no choice but to finish that. Any chance you can relocate to him and settle there until he finishes at least?

[twentynine11]

The end goal after the two years was unclear because we were never sure if he would be accepted into med school or not. However, I thought I was prepared either way. If he didn't get into the school where he is located now, he would have moved closer to home. We would have been about 2 hours away from each other, but that would have been easier to see him more often.

I have considered relocating to him, but it isn't feasible at this time. I have an 8 year old and he is plugged in to family and friends here. Not to mention, his father would probably give me hassle about moving him. I doubt the court would be in my favor since I'd be uprooting him from everything he knows for someone I'm not married to. The other reason is because I do not want to raise my child where my boyfriend is located. It wouldn't be the wisest thing. He lives in New Orleans, La. They have expensive private schools there and while it's a great place to visit, it isn't the best to raise a kid.

If I was a single individual, I would have already attempted to relocate. But I'm grateful for my biggest blessing (my boy) and wouldn't trade him for anything.

[Miasmata]

I recommend you to look at these subforums: https://members.lovingfromadistance....32-LDR-Stories , https://members.lovingfromadistance....uccess-Stories and https://members.lovingfromadistance....d-the-Distance! - There's plenty of people who had and still have success with their relationships, and their stories/posts are worth a look.

[whatruckus]

I think it's because now you know that you have 4+ more years, whereas before it was only speculated. I'm in the same boat as you though. But, now my SO keeps talking about how much he wants us to move in together now and that maybe I should start looking for jobs in his area. Meanwhile, I still want to finish school and I don't think my dad wants me to move out just yet, since he's the one paying for my schooling.

[Dwessie]

Oh man I doubt I have the patience for 6 years of an LDR...good luck.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Knowing you have a definite 4+ years of LD ahead of you is a hard thing to really wrap your mind around. I totally get where you are coming from and why it's harder this time around. However, with that being said, you've done this before! You know what it takes to make it through a LDR. It will be harder with him in med school. They have extremely rigorous schedules and very little "free time" that isn't used studying. I don't know what your LDR is like with your SO currently, but you need to be aware that it could potentially be harder for this reason. If you know about it and try to find ways around it though, I think you can have a very successful LDR through the next 4+ years (which potentially with rotations, he could end up closer to you?) because you know you're strong enough to make it through even the hard times! (2 years LDR is nothing to scoff at and you did it!!) Best of luck to you and I hope that when you have the "bad moments" in this you come here and just remember that you aren't alone in the distance.

[twentynine11]

You are right MissingMyDutchLove. If we can make it through two years, we can do this too. I have to do my best during the next four years to not let my emotions control me. He doesn't need that stress and pressure. I also need to live my own life! My brother in law gave me great advice. He said that I need to live my life as if my boyfriend will not always be there. Not that I should be paranoid that he will leave, but that I should have so much of my own thing going in life that it doesn't matter. I hope that makes sense.

[differentcountries]

We will soon have been LD for two years. I suspect we will be for some time after that too. I actually envy you a bit for having an LDR with a timeline, I would prefer that to not knowing. The more I think about it, the less I am opposed to moving to his country. Maybe he will move to mine, let 's see...

My way of coping is, I split the time up, focusing on the next visits and our immidate plans (him coming here in December or January). I also have my own plans, for workout, shopping, my project. I have friends, family and work. I know I have a future with him, no matter the form.