He left me, I'm heartbroken please help me

[lostgirl]

I live in Europe, he lives in AMerica. We've been together for two years, we see each other as often as we can.
The last 4-5 months has been difficult, due to events in life. We lost our connection somehow, we were not like
weusedto. He acted colder, and didn't seem to care much and I felt very frustrated and uneasy at times.
I've been thinking about leaving, and without thinking and even meaning to while talking yesterday I brought it up
and long story short he said that we should break up. He loves me, but he know it's the right thing to do.
He said I will not get him back, and that I shouldn't try and have no hopes. He cried, and he couldn't bare to talk
about our time together, which he says been so happy and wonderful. He said that I deserve someone better because he is often hurting me.
That he's been thinking about this but constantly been pushiing the thought aside.

Does this really mean there is no way I can get him back? Does people change their minds?
I will be in AMerica for six months in the fall. I feel so sad about the fact that few bad months has ruined
everything. We had something really great and for most of the time we've brought so much love and joy to
each others life's. He's been my best friend. Now he's gone. I can't call nor write him, only wait for him to contact me,
knowing that he said that he will not change his mind. I don't understand how he can be so certain.

I'm so torned, hurt and lonely.
What can I do in this nightmare of situation?

[Happy_Girl]

sorry to hear that

but is he having some problems in his life that makes him thinking that way? something that he doesnt want you to worry about if he tells you?

[TheSteelAngel]

He probably thinks that leaving you will be the best thing to do here. From what you say I really do believe that he does still love you, but I wouldn't get your hopes up about getting back together. Just give him some space and maybe he will contact you when he fixes everything with his life, but I wouldn't bet on that. Breakups suck and are hard but try to get on with your life and focus on you and do things that make you happy.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I am so sorry to hear this I agree with the others that you shouldn't get your hopes up for getting back together. However, the fact that you will be in the US for 6 months in the Fall is really important, I think. Would you still be going if it were not for your SO? That would give you guys a chance to talk about what's going on/went on after a couple of months removed. Face to face interaction is amazing sometimes. It can tell you so much more than you knew before about a situation. When I met up with my ex a couple of months after he dumped me, it was the first time that I was able to finally sigh with relief and say that it was over. It's one of those things that it doesn't feel over until you get that closure. On the flip side though, there is also a chance for you two to realize that you're both still in love and decide that it was rash and stupid and that you wanted a second chance. Either way, I would definitely suggest meeting up while you are in the US.

[R&R]

I'm sorry about the breakup. Breakups are tough, no matter the situation. It does sound like it was very difficult for him but he must really believe it's the right thing to do and you have to respect that.

Does he know when you are going to be in the US? If he does, possibly he will contact you when he knows you are closer. However, I would make all of your plans based on you and things you wish to do. I wouldn't base them on if he possibly reaches out to you to see you.

[Redheart14]

I'm sorry about the breakup. Breakups are tough, no matter the situation. It does sound like it was very difficult for him but he must really believe it's the right thing to do and you have to respect that.

Does he know when you are going to be in the US? If he does, possibly he will contact you when he knows you are closer. However, I would make all of your plans based on you and things you wish to do. I wouldn't base them on if he possibly reaches out to you to see you.

I agree with this

[lostgirl]

Thank ya'll for replying to my desperate note. I am truly devasted, I can't eat and I can't sleep.
My ex is thinking alot and I think he's pretty lost about what he want in his life.
He doesn't even know if he want's to be with anyone longterm nor have kids.
We've gone through a rough path, and to be honest it's been very hard on both of us.
I've felt like I couldn't be myself during the times we've seen each other, the last couple of times that is
because of the fact that I'm torned about things in life too. So it's only natural that he could sense that I've been uneasy.
I've had a hard time just living in the presence, dealing with a lot of stress about other parts of my life and haven't really been
able to be the natural happy life loving girl that I usually am.

It's only been like 24 hours, and my heart is almost bursting into pieces. My mood goes up and down.
I'm reflecting constantly about the past months, and honestly, we've been more happy with each other then sad in all.
I think he'd agree with that too, he kept telling me how much he loved having me there and how much he'll miss me,
so I'm torned about what he really feels. And he himself can't really put words to his feelings, they simply are. He have
been feeling colder towards me for some reason. Perhaps because our relationship started to be obligations of texts, morning, vevening
and phone calls in between, it stopped being spontanious. It's only a theory though.

As I've reflected throughout the day I've come to realize that as much as I love what we had,how much I adore him and love him
I cherish our friendship even more. He is my best friend, and no matter what I feel that I want to remain his friend.
And to be honest, while being a part friendship is all there is while beingapart in a long distance relationship except for the sweet texts
and I love you's in between. I will have to resect that he need some space, and will wait for him to contact me in some weeks if he keeps
his words. I will accept his offering of being my friend if that still stands, and hope he'll want to see me during the fall.

I guess, as much as it hurts to write it that this was neccesary somehow. We couldn't really pull out of this one, and a break
from talking and a clean slate is what we need to have any kind of relationship. I don't know if it makes any sense for anyone but me?
I would think that with time and being apart as we usually are it could grow into a beautiful friendship again, I hope so with all my heart.
I just want to be allowed to be there for him, because I think I always will be. And I want to get the chance to let him know that,
I want to be his friend and I repsect his decision and that I at least want to try to stay friends before giving that up to.

How we feel if we meet is impossible to say, it could be love, or just a feeling of seeing a dear friend.
Although he is very certain that it wouldn't change anything to se each other in real life. I still know from experience
that feelings are unpredictable, don't you think? Things that seem right can turn out to feel wrong and vice versa, and how
can anyone know how much they'll miss someone right at the moment they let someone go, only time will tell I'd say.
I believe that is also true for myself, I do not know how much I'll miss him in time nor what time will do to my feelings.
He's been very ambivalent about his feelings lately, and trying to feel something usually doesn't work and also he quickly decided
right out of the blue.

[twentynine11]

It is hard to understand decisions that other people make that you have no choice in. A little more than a month ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. I had a terrible jealousy issue, insecurity really. He was cruel and cold toward me. I was devastated. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, when I finally did fall asleep - I didn't want to get up in the morning. He gave me the silent treatment for days. It gave me time to really reflect and see where I was wrong in areas. I encourage you to focus on you... reevaluate what you really want and who you want to be.
My boyfriend wanted space. He had pressure coming from all areas; trying to graduate with his masters, work, extra activities at school, etc. My constant nagging from my jealousy (which was unhealthy for all of us, including my son) was a pressure that he felt he needed to push away. Long story short, we are back together now. However, it has been harder than ever. I love this man (my son calls him "daddy"). I don't want to be without him, but things are just different now. My insecurity about his commitment to the relationship is stronger than it has ever been.
My point is, either way.. you have to LIVE! It may seem like it because you put him there, but he doesn't have to be the center of your world. I am learning to be ok with me whether my boyfriend leaves me again one day or not. He says he will never leave me. He talks about the future at times. However, it isn't healthy in any relationship to put all your eggs in one basket. Your entire life does not have to rotate around him. I hope this helps and I'm sorry if it is irrelevant, but it is what I learned in the "break-up" process that I went through.