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    #1

    Plans Have Fallen Through...

    My (more than a) friend was supposed to come visit me in July, since I visited him in February. We've been "planning" it since early March. But recently, we went through a rough patch; it affected us greatly, but we're trying to get through it. He had also lied about being able to afford the trip; he, irrationally, thought that I would not want to be with him anymore if he told me the truth that he was a bit broke at the moment because of Uni fees. The thing was, I was always telling him that if he can't afford it, it's absolutely okay and we can just wait until he can. But he still didn't take that chance to tell me, and continued to lie about it. He got too excited about seeing me again, that he didn't think realistically about what it takes to visit someone 2,000km away. After our rough patch, he eventually told me the truth, and so now the plans for July have been cancelled. What upset me the most was that he lied about it. But, it's also still a little disappointing that we now can't meet in July like we've planned for months.

    Have plans ever fallen through with your LD partner? How did you manage to get through the disappointment, and remain positive about the future, even if your next visit wasn't clear yet?
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    #2
    Oh yes, multiple times. He has missed a flight and then had to cancel the trip. He owns his own business and so sometimes things will come up and our plans have to change. He was supposed to be here two weeks ago and didn't make it due to lack of planning on something on his part. Now he'll be here this Sunday. (Honestly, that one I was angry about because it was something he could have controlled and he delayed.)

    How did I deal with it? I realized that though it sucked that it wasn't the end of the world and that we'd get another chance to see each other. I started planning the next trip. I didn't let emotions get the better of me. In the end, you have the control over your emotions and how you handle the disappointment.
    To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

    ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

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      #3
      All the time. Plans fall through even when I'm there visiting him. There's been times, when he was still in the Army, that he got his dates mixed up for when he had Drill, and I would be expecting to go visit, only to find that he had to go away for Drill and I couldn't come down. A couple weeks ago, he was supposed to be off from work Thurs, Friday, Saturday, so I decided to come visit him that weekend. He told me that Wednesday that he had traded shifts with someone at work, and then had to work on Saturday. He had training at work that Thurs, so Friday was going to be his only day off for that week. Problem was, I work Mon - Fri, and I don't get out of work until around 6 - 6:30PM, and it takes 1 1/2 hours - 2 hours to drive to his house. I got irritated at him because we hadn't seen each other in a couple weeks and that was supposed to be our weekend together, since the following weekend was Mother's Day and I couldn't visit. Mother's Day weekend was his 4-day weekend (Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon he was off).

      Also, now it seems like I won't get to see him much next month. My best friend's baby is turning 1 so I have to go to the party (again, that's another Thurs, Fri, Sat off for him), then the weekend after that is Father's Day (again, that's another one of his 4-day weekends).

      The way my SO's job does the work schedule (he works at a State prison) is they separate all the employees into 4 color groups. Everybody gets the same amount of days off, but it's on a alternating schedule. It's actually pretty smart. I'll post a picture of it because it makes more sense. We always know what days he's going to be off for the full year.

      For instance, my SO is in the "Green" color group. So, any green squares you see are his days off.


      So from the picture, we actually don't get much time together if he's not off on the weekends, and it ruins plans a lot of the time. Especially if I'm not able to visit when he's off on the weekends.

      He can also be called in for overtime whenever, and he can choose to accept it. They also have a "mandated overtime" list at work that they rotate through. This means, at any time he's at work, if he's at the top of the list, they can ask him to stay for overtime and he can not say no. This can be anywhere from an extra 30 mins, to another full shift. Which...that happened last time I went to visit. He was mandated and didn't come home until 7AM, and I was already sleeping. His normal shift is 2PM - 10PM.

      So, I mean, everyone has, at some point, plans that fell through. You can plan as carefully as you can, but things come up. Family, emergencies, financial problems...etc. The best way to deal with it is just realize that things happen, there's nothing you can do about it now, but go forward. Plan the next visit.

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        #4
        Have our plans fallen through? Yes! Three times now as a matter of fact. I've learned to accept the fact that we can't really meet when we want because of his job, but we're always trying to squeeze something through. I'm still hoping that we can meet this summer, but it may not happen and that's ok. Because we both know that we're serious about each other and we are both willing to make this work. What you need to do is to talk with him about it. You either have to accept the fact that you might not meet for a while or move on.

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          #5
          Well life always manages to get in the way somehow. Our first visit is always up in the air right now. It all depends on him getting leave or not. Inn currently working towards getting my passport all finished so I can visit in august. Just stay positive. It'll happen soon enough.
          "We are beings attracted to the essence of hope, and life is the all encompassing hope that everything can change; that everything can be better."

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            #6
            The first time we were to meet (after meeting him on holiday), it got postphoned which was frustrating. But we had to get him a smartphone which was expensive. After that, we started to get a rythm in visits. I was upset we had no visit in January this year, and did not get to see his family again, but perhaps we can go two times in the fall plus spring. Visits are vert important. I hope, if you have to postphone a visit, that you can plan to have another
            Last edited by differentcountries; May 26, 2015, 03:31 PM.
            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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              #7
              Oh yes. A year ago he was so stressed that he actually thought to have serious heart problems and he had to cancel his trip here. Now this year his dad got so sick (and is not getting better any more) that postponed his visit until some date in the future we don't know yet. It's really hard to deal with the disappointments but somehow you always adjust and deal with it and wait for better times.

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                #8
                I booked a flight from Australia to Wales to surprise my LD BF for his birthday. I was going to stay for two weeks. It would have been the first time we met. But we had an argument and stopped talking and I had to cancel. It nearly broke my heart. The day that I was meant to meet him I spent crying. We got back together and again I planned to go see him. But then I lost my job and couldnt afford to go. It was starting to feel as though it would never happen. But we were patient and now, after being together for a year, I am going out next week to book my trip. Third time lucky. I just cannot wait to hold him in my arms. Disappointments are going to happen. Plans will change. But as long as you love each other... beleive that it will happen. The next visit may not be clear, but you will see him again. When the time is right. <3

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                  #9
                  Originally posted by Perthgirl1 View Post
                  I booked a flight from Australia to Wales to surprise my LD BF for his birthday. I was going to stay for two weeks. It would have been the first time we met. But we had an argument and stopped talking and I had to cancel. It nearly broke my heart. The day that I was meant to meet him I spent crying. We got back together and again I planned to go see him. But then I lost my job and couldnt afford to go. It was starting to feel as though it would never happen. But we were patient and now, after being together for a year, I am going out next week to book my trip. Third time lucky. I just cannot wait to hold him in my arms. Disappointments are going to happen. Plans will change. But as long as you love each other... beleive that it will happen. The next visit may not be clear, but you will see him again. When the time is right. <3
                  Third time lucky, yes. Are your plans still in motion for the visit?

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