how to help him to focus on his studies?

[sweetybrioche]

Hello~
First, thanks for reading this and sorry for my broken english.
It's been a few days that i am thinking to create this thread. I was looking for similar threads that could give us advice but didnt find any.
My SO and I have been in a LDR for over 4 months now. He told me i am his first love (maybe it has something to do with our problem).
We're both going to graduate from highschool, me in less than a month after my final exam and him next november if he also pass is final exam.
Here is our problem:

My SO is korean and in korea the last year of highschool is the most important and is particularly exhausting and stressful because of the exam that await every students in november. You can only go to college if you succeed this exam.

My SO is currently preparing this exam. But he isn't confident at all. He always tells me that he can't focus well on his studies because he can't stop thinking of me. But I feel like he studies really hard everyday (although i dont know exactly how many time he spends studying?) and i try not to send him any message during the day not to bother him but it doesn't seem to help him.

We talk about that problem a lot and try to find solutions.
For example he deleted skype and Line and gave his IPod to someone not to be tempted to call me or to talk to me and told me to only send him emails. Unfortunately it only lasted for 2 weeks and when he was back on Skype, he told me he was missing me too much (and actually me too but i was trying to deal with it. I want him to try his best for his exam not to have any regret after). We tried it a second time when he only replied to my emails every 3-4 days. From that, i was thinking he was eventually able to focus more but he told me he didn't because he was always thinking of me.
Then he told me to ignore him and to stop replying to his message, i was okey with that and was ready to try it out for a week just to see if it could be a good solution but my SO couldn't do it (we were just texting each but i felt like my SO was crying because he couldn't do it..?)
We also thought of taking a break until november but i don't know if we will do it.
We keep talking about that issue but it always makes us feel bad for each other. It begins to be quite annoying for both of us. Everytime we get time to talk together we end up talking about that thing.

To be honest it's difficult for me to understand him because i personnaly can focus well on my studies because i know that i'll talk to him again at evening and i know that time goes by faster when you are busy and into what you are doing. I told him to try to think this way but i don't know if it will help him. We don't know what to do anymore. My SO isn't a member of this forum but he agree with me asking for some advice.
Thanks in advance.

[TheSteelAngel]

Hmm tough call. I was kinda in a similar situation when I first met my SO. I couldn't focus on school at all and I was really slacking hardcore. I still somehow managed to pass the semester with high honors because I did one thing. I had to really buckle down and focus on my school work. I told myself I will not to him until I am done for the night. This is what you guys need to do. You need to plan some times for him to study and then talk to you. Tell him that during his study times that he needs to focus. If it's too hard for him to do it alone then have him join a study group. What also helped me is that when I needed to study I went somewhere else to do it, like my school library. I also turned off all of my electronic devices and hid them and when I needed to use the computer for a paper or something I restricted my internet use. So you see, all he really needs is some self discipline, and I don't know if any of my tips will help but he should try them out and see if anything improves. Good luck!

[sweetshay]

He has to be mature enough to know how to juggle school and relationships. Even though it can be difficult for some to get into "work mode," if he doesn't do that then it's nobodies fault but his own. If he truly wants to do well then he will do what needs to be done. I think you two seem to like each other enough that if you needed to take a serious break for him to focus that you could pick up where you left off in the relationship. Does he usually perform well in school? What you could do is just continue to build his self-esteem about it. Send him loads of positive vibes. I'm a believer that positive thoughts lead to positive outcomes. Tell him to take lots of deep breaths and block as many negative thoughts out of his head as possible. Tell him to think "I'm going to ace this and graduate" every morning or something lol.

Your english wasn't bad by the way!

[sweetybrioche]

Hmm tough call. I was kinda in a similar situation when I first met my SO. I couldn't focus on school at all and I was really slacking hardcore. I still somehow managed to pass the semester with high honors because I did one thing. I had to really buckle down and focus on my school work. I told myself I will not to him until I am done for the night. This is what you guys need to do. You need to plan some times for him to study and then talk to you. Tell him that during his study times that he needs to focus. If it's too hard for him to do it alone then have him join a study group. What also helped me is that when I needed to study I went somewhere else to do it, like my school library. I also turned off all of my electronic devices and hid them and when I needed to use the computer for a paper or something I restricted my internet use. So you see, all he really needs is some self discipline, and I don't know if any of my tips will help but he should try them out and see if anything improves. Good luck!

Thank you for your reply and for your tips!
I agree with you he really needs to become more disciplined and to think of him too because it's his life and who knows if we'll still be together in 2 years I don't want him to regret anything.
Yes, he often goes to the library to study and from what he told me there's no WiFi there so he can't use his phone nor his iPod. I told him to study with his friends or to join a study group but he told me he doesn't have real friends who could help him.
Anyway, I will show him your reply and I think he will really appreciate it. Also, I think that the fact it's not from me will help him and to see that other people were in a similar situation and succeeded will motivate him!

[sweetybrioche]

He has to be mature enough to know how to juggle school and relationships. Even though it can be difficult for some to get into "work mode," if he doesn't do that then it's nobodies fault but his own. If he truly wants to do well then he will do what needs to be done. I think you two seem to like each other enough that if you needed to take a serious break for him to focus that you could pick up where you left off in the relationship. Does he usually perform well in school? What you could do is just continue to build his self-esteem about it. Send him loads of positive vibes. I'm a believer that positive thoughts lead to positive outcomes. Tell him to take lots of deep breaths and block as many negative thoughts out of his head as possible. Tell him to think "I'm going to ace this and graduate" every morning or something lol.

Your english wasn't bad by the way!

Thank you for your reply and for your advice~!
That's right it seems like it's a bit difficult for him to get into "work mode" but it's understandable because he always do the same thing so it becomes boring. I told him to go out to take a walk and enjoy the nice weather and the views he could see but I don't think he did it. It would be nice if he could study elsewhere than at home or at the library, he could do it in a park but well, I can't force him to do it.
He showed me his grades once and he is good! We almost have the same level. But I guess it isn't enough in Korea.
There is also the fact that his mother doesn't seem to be supportive. From what he told me she looks down on him and favor his sister. I'm not really the type who is very optimistic but I always try to send him my positive vibes and to hide my problems and fears. And it seems like it begins to work because he stopped saying "no I'm not...blahblah" I also sometimes tell him not to think of negative things and I try to show him that I support him and that I believe in him. He always thanks me for that and I think that if I keep doing it and if I do it more his mind will change and that he will be confident and succeed in everything.

Oh and thank you I'm glad to hear that! ^^

[Miasmata]

The previous posters already said anything helpful I could have, so allow me to just add something silly and cute to the topic - Maybe inspiration!



Jokes aside - As unfun as it is, learning how to be disciplined and how to organize your work is part of becoming an adult. What always helped me was breaking down work into a bunch of small parts rather than tackle it as one big thing. When you can see how many steps you made, you feel good and motivated faster, and the results become tangible. As long as he's disciplined and you are a healthy support for him, he'll surely do well. All the best!

[sweetybrioche]

The previous posters already said anything helpful I could have, so allow me to just add something silly and cute to the topic - Maybe inspiration!


Jokes aside - As unfun as it is, learning how to be disciplined and how to organize your work is part of becoming an adult. What always helped me was breaking down work into a bunch of small parts rather than tackle it as one big thing. When you can see how many steps you made, you feel good and motivated faster, and the results become tangible. As long as he's disciplined and you are a healthy support for him, he'll surely do well. All the best!

Haha, thank you for your cute joke and for your reply~
I showed him all your comments today and i think it helped him to realize he isn't disciplined enough and doesn't have enough motivation. But now that he realized that he is ready to try his best and to focus on school only. He decided to take a break. I agreed with his decision because i think it will be good for me too because, as you know, my exam is in 3 weeks. Idk if he won't come back to me after 2 weeks (again) but he seems to really be confident about us taking a break. I will keep sending him emails (less often than before) to show him my support and to tell him about my exam results etc (hopefully that i will succeed on my exam and that it will contribute on motivating him).
So yeah, thank you very much for your support and advice!