Hello! I am new here as you might see. I have some concerns about my LDR that I would like to share, and hopefully get some advice. First, a little background:
My boyfriend and I met on a social media site called MeetMe. It really happened by chance; I was using the advanced setting to browse profiles and his really caught my eye. I sent him a message, not really expecting much to come out of it. We exchanged our kik (a texting app) usernames, and the rest is really history. From that day forward, we texted pretty much all the time, and I would say it was only a few days before we started speaking on Skype (no video chat-- this is will be important later). He is 21, and I am 19. We are both in college. We Skype/phone every single day.
Things have been going great, feeling like we've known each other forever. He is sweet, and so very kind. He is the type of guy I've always dreamed about ending up with, and sometimes I STILL think it's so crazy that he is as good-looking as he is, and has a real man type of personality (I am gay by the way, m/m relationship). Since we started our long term relationship, we've had moments talking about the great things we will do together, and how we wish we were in one another's presence-- all that sweet stuff, the stuff that makes these kinds of relationships hard.
Recently, we got into a bit of an argument, one with more intensity than any of the other petty things we've bickered about. As we head into July, we will have been dating for 7 months. Since about February I've been wanting to meet him in person, and I thought he wanted the same with the way he was talking. Holiday break back in December wouldn't have worked because it was "too short," and I concluded the same. Our Spring breaks did not line up. So the only logical time was in the present, over the summer months when we knew we wouldn't be busy with much. I decided not to take classes or work my campus job because I have been so set on going to Las Vegas to meet him. The whole problem started when I told him I was worried that he wasn't going to want me to come visit. In about March, whenever I would bring it up, he would be silent or say, "Yeah..." in a kind of sarcastic way. I really didn't think much of it until he explicitly told me then he wasn't sure about it, during an exchange where I wanted to know why he was acting like that. And my worries were only confirmed when he started to tell me we he thought we needed to slow down.
Understandable. My main dilemma, however, is feeling like I've been misled, and I don't know whether or not that is warranted with the way he responded. We could do all the things we talked about: cuddling, going out on dates, etc. if I just came this summer. He told me that we can do those in the future, and he wants to, but he doesn't feel ready for me to visit. I have a very hard time understanding this logic. If I did not visit this summer, the next feasible time (unless we decide otherwise) won't be until it is summer again in a year, since we will both be taking classes in the fall and spring. He doesn't really seem to understand that, but when I ask the big W -- "WHEN then?" he just tells me he doesn't know.
Again, I feel like I've not only been misled, but I am unbelievably perplexed that he refuses to take steps so that we CAN do the things I THOUGHT we BOTH wanted to do. Four times in the argument, he self-defeated, saying things like, "Yep, I know I'm the bad guy. I'm the bad boyfriend," and, "Why don't you just leave me if you're feeling that way," etc. but I feel that is SO complicated. I might venture to say I'm in LOVE with this guy, but this situation is leaving me with really conflicting feelings. I understand I am young, but I really don't see myself loving anyone like I love this guy.
About the Skype: I presented my issues with this also during the argument. I have not video chatted my boyfriend since December. It has always just been audio on Skype, or one of his phones (house phone/cellphone). I do have several pictures and videos, even, of him, but I have yet to video chat. That has me really frustrated as well, but he continues to chock it up to the fact that his current cable/internet package (something like that) is at $60, which is a steal. He doesn't want to upgrade because he might lose that. Now, if he wasn't as well off as he is, I might understand. But when someone is throwing money way to spend on phones, cables, clothes -- you name it really -- you REALLY start to wonder why they haven't upgraded their plan so they can see their BOYFRIEND on Skype. He didn't have much to say about that, but I can tell you that it is something that bothers me.
A few times, he told me that he thought I wasn't cut out for a long distance relationship. I don't think that's true, though. I just feel as though the steps we could be taking to make distance less painful... he refuses or is extremely reluctant to do.
That was a lot. Thanks for reading. Hope I can get some advice.
My boyfriend and I met on a social media site called MeetMe. It really happened by chance; I was using the advanced setting to browse profiles and his really caught my eye. I sent him a message, not really expecting much to come out of it. We exchanged our kik (a texting app) usernames, and the rest is really history. From that day forward, we texted pretty much all the time, and I would say it was only a few days before we started speaking on Skype (no video chat-- this is will be important later). He is 21, and I am 19. We are both in college. We Skype/phone every single day.
Things have been going great, feeling like we've known each other forever. He is sweet, and so very kind. He is the type of guy I've always dreamed about ending up with, and sometimes I STILL think it's so crazy that he is as good-looking as he is, and has a real man type of personality (I am gay by the way, m/m relationship). Since we started our long term relationship, we've had moments talking about the great things we will do together, and how we wish we were in one another's presence-- all that sweet stuff, the stuff that makes these kinds of relationships hard.
Recently, we got into a bit of an argument, one with more intensity than any of the other petty things we've bickered about. As we head into July, we will have been dating for 7 months. Since about February I've been wanting to meet him in person, and I thought he wanted the same with the way he was talking. Holiday break back in December wouldn't have worked because it was "too short," and I concluded the same. Our Spring breaks did not line up. So the only logical time was in the present, over the summer months when we knew we wouldn't be busy with much. I decided not to take classes or work my campus job because I have been so set on going to Las Vegas to meet him. The whole problem started when I told him I was worried that he wasn't going to want me to come visit. In about March, whenever I would bring it up, he would be silent or say, "Yeah..." in a kind of sarcastic way. I really didn't think much of it until he explicitly told me then he wasn't sure about it, during an exchange where I wanted to know why he was acting like that. And my worries were only confirmed when he started to tell me we he thought we needed to slow down.
Understandable. My main dilemma, however, is feeling like I've been misled, and I don't know whether or not that is warranted with the way he responded. We could do all the things we talked about: cuddling, going out on dates, etc. if I just came this summer. He told me that we can do those in the future, and he wants to, but he doesn't feel ready for me to visit. I have a very hard time understanding this logic. If I did not visit this summer, the next feasible time (unless we decide otherwise) won't be until it is summer again in a year, since we will both be taking classes in the fall and spring. He doesn't really seem to understand that, but when I ask the big W -- "WHEN then?" he just tells me he doesn't know.
Again, I feel like I've not only been misled, but I am unbelievably perplexed that he refuses to take steps so that we CAN do the things I THOUGHT we BOTH wanted to do. Four times in the argument, he self-defeated, saying things like, "Yep, I know I'm the bad guy. I'm the bad boyfriend," and, "Why don't you just leave me if you're feeling that way," etc. but I feel that is SO complicated. I might venture to say I'm in LOVE with this guy, but this situation is leaving me with really conflicting feelings. I understand I am young, but I really don't see myself loving anyone like I love this guy.
About the Skype: I presented my issues with this also during the argument. I have not video chatted my boyfriend since December. It has always just been audio on Skype, or one of his phones (house phone/cellphone). I do have several pictures and videos, even, of him, but I have yet to video chat. That has me really frustrated as well, but he continues to chock it up to the fact that his current cable/internet package (something like that) is at $60, which is a steal. He doesn't want to upgrade because he might lose that. Now, if he wasn't as well off as he is, I might understand. But when someone is throwing money way to spend on phones, cables, clothes -- you name it really -- you REALLY start to wonder why they haven't upgraded their plan so they can see their BOYFRIEND on Skype. He didn't have much to say about that, but I can tell you that it is something that bothers me.
A few times, he told me that he thought I wasn't cut out for a long distance relationship. I don't think that's true, though. I just feel as though the steps we could be taking to make distance less painful... he refuses or is extremely reluctant to do.
That was a lot. Thanks for reading. Hope I can get some advice.
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