Just scared

[D4Joseph]

So lately I've just been hit with so much fear and it's effecting my relationship. I don't know what it is because I wasn't like this before. I'm starting to have endless doubts with everything including my relationship. The odd thing is it's anything my girlfriend is doing or not doing. She's awesome and I'm happy with her. We do what we can despite the distance like I'm sure all of you guys do. However, I'm scared that we'll stay long distance forever. There just seems to be no end game in sight. I'm afraid I'll lose her to the world. Every long distance relationship I feel should at least have a plan eventually. I see lots of co workers, friends, and family members around my age starting to move in with their significant others and I can't help but want the same. Any advice? Thoughts? Questions? Concerns? Can anyone relate or am I going crazy?

[D4Joseph]

Sorry for the few typos. *not* *there*

[snow]

Take it day by day and some day you will figure it out. You're 20, you still have time and you don't know what the future brings. There might be opportunities coming up that will be perfect or there might be risks to take, but don't get scared yet.

[whatruckus]

Take it day by day and some day you will figure it out. You're 20, you still have time and you don't know what the future brings. There might be opportunities coming up that will be perfect or there might be risks to take, but don't get scared yet.

Agreed, you are young. Also, I'm going to be 27 next month. All I see are my friends getting engaged, getting married, and having babies. I wish I could do it too, but I know it's not going to happen for a while. And, that's okay.

Everyone feels like this in their relationships at one point, CD or LD. Trust me. If you're afraid to lose her, that's a good thing. You know what you have, while you have it. Imagine if you were one of those people who didn't care, and weren't afraid. "You never know what you have until it's gone."

Me and my SO have been together for 2 1/2 years, though we know what we're hoping for, we still don't know what's going to happen. No one does. You can have all the fantasies, hopes, and plans in the world, but life is funny. It likes to throw curveballs.

Like snow said, take it one day at time right now. No need to worry.

[D4Joseph]

I know I'm young it's just scary man. She is always saying she's scared she'll lose me due to the distance. I reassure her that I'll never leave her and I mean it. It's been my fear vs her worry. After everything we been through I could never just give up.

[Ella85]

If she's scared maybe you should tell her you're scared too. That you are afraid you'll lose her. Everyone no matter how small always has a thought in the back of their mind that they could lose the one they love. It's completely normal, it's just how you deal with it that defines how you are going to cope with it. She's already told you she's afraid to lose you so I don't think it could hurt to reassure her that you feel the same.
LDRs take time to close the distance especially if you aren't in the same country. Wherever you are in your stage of life. But it doesn't hurt to talk about how you 'might' close the distance eventually. Just remember that plans change, things don't always go how you want them to and your plans may have to change with the circumstances.

[twentynine11]

I am 27 years old and have at least seven more years before the distance will be closed. Anything could happen within the next seven years, engagement, marriage, buying a house, having babies, etc. (My boyfriend tells me that seven years of dating is excessive, so I have hopes that things will happen before the distance is closed). I'm not sure when things are going to happen and have had a lot of anxiety about it. However, I do know that my boyfriend would not have been with me for the past three years or staying with me on this ride for the next seven years if he did not have intentions of proposing, marrying, and extending a family with me. The fear is still there, but this is the reality.

Trust the process and don't rush anything. When the time comes for my dreams to come true with my boyfriend, it will be perfect timing. Rush = Ruin. Have patience and trust that God will work it out in his timing. He holds your future and cares about every single detail. Jeremiah 29:11 & Luke 12:7

I'm saying all this to myself too. I'm learning.

[differentcountries]

Sadly sometimes life comes without a plan. What I do, is I make "suggestive plans", that is plans that move a certain direction without actually having any dates or agreemens made. For instance, language learning. I am learning his language, once high season is over he is learning mine. I just went to the restaurant that might give him a job offer, they just started so they are not exactly full of guests (with need of waiters) yet, I will go again and meet the manager's wife again to talk about it. Or, he is looking into getting a job where he is, he does need to change jobs as his current one is physically draining and he is not young any more.

I like to think that everything we do is towards something that benifits us. We don't need to close the distance right away, thought I am hoping that by the next two years we will share a city, but we do need for things to happen, I am expecting his language learning to happen. That is how I keep my doubts in check; focus on practical matters. When will we visit his family? Should we go in fall, or early spring, or perhaps both? That grounds me.