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Feeling tired and unsure about LDR

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    #1

    Feeling tired and unsure about LDR

    Hi guys,

    So i've posted here and there before, and to sum up the current situation, my boyfriend is waiting for his results to know if he can start residency in USA and I found a job a few days ago in China for next year. I am currently in France (i'm french). Although the initial plan was him doing residency and me finishing my studies in France then trying to find a job in USA (starting 2017), we have agreed that in case of failure to the test, he will come in France starting 2016 and complete a master's degree here with me. So plan A is another 4 yrs of ldr whereas plan B is just one more year.

    I want him to pass this test and become a doctor because it seems what he wants, but I don't know where to stand somedays, cause of course I also secretely kinda "hope" (not the right word but I guess you know what I mean) that he fails and comes here next year.

    Latelty I have been feeling very weird, like a mix between being even more distanced from him (psychologially I guess), and thinking about him all the time. This ldr thing drives me crazy, and I can't focus on finishing my thesis (or anything else for that matter) for my university. I don't know why, but I feel the most stressed and sad at night, like around 9pm.
    I can't spend a whole week being happy and joyful, my goog mood only lasts for 1 or 2 days, and then I have somekind of breakdown.
    I feel bad because I always ask him for his time, telling him I feel sad and sick. I feel like I put a lot of pressure on him, harassing him with my bad moods.

    I don't know what to do, I wanna be happy and show him the good sides of me instead of the sad figure I pull off most of the time. I feel like we should stop talking so that I would stop bothering him with my sadness.

    I could really use some motivation, just thinking about going another 4yrs like this is killing me.

    Thanks for reading guys !
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    #2
    You are right, if you think of it as waiting 4 years it is going to kill you. You have to seperate time into smaller chunks.

    I usually divide up time, for instance between visits, and I also divide up the time between visits and find stuff to do for the visits. When we had further time between visits, I did DIY stuff and engaged in plans for the visits (most didn't happen but it was fun anyway). And some days, I try to just engage with him, talk about everyday stuff like who did what and whit whom and so on. And also for instance he was a bit sad today because of various things, and then I listened to him and then when he was tired and ready to log off Skype, I gave him cheesy compliments like "Beauty sleep is dangerous. You are already so handsome, so what will happen if you keep getting all this beauty sleep?" He loves hearing about how beautiul I find him, it put a big grin on his face. Momens like that are really preacous, when he feels so close as if I could just grab him right out of the computer.

    And yes, it is sad, but also so beautiful, like there is nothing easy about this love but we keep loving and longing, taking it day by day.
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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      #3
      I think sometimes plans need to change. In the early days of a relationship, you can neither ask nor give too much because it's not a sure thing. You don't want to throw away a promising future on a maybe person, right? But the more sure you are that this relationship is going to last, going to become your home, the more your priorities need to shift to accommodate it. My advice would be to be honest with yourself and your partner. If you can no longer see yourself doing this for four years, it is time to brain storm other ways both of you can meet all your goals and support each other.

      Also you're not bothering him. He loves you and wants to help you be happy. Address the things that are making you unhappy, eat healthy food and exercise for at least 30 minutes every day. It won't feel like this forever!
      Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person

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        #4
        Hey Berenice, I know the feeling. Just finished my thesis but the whole semester was a nightmare because of thesis stress and LDR problems. I think writing thesis is so stressful that we just don't want to think about it. And when we don't think about it, naturally we turn to our bfs/LDR and start over thinking! Last months were terrible for me- stress from thesis just cast a shadow on everything, including my relationship (can't believe that my men stayed with me anyway when I was in bitch/depressed/happy/overacting stage).

        And with the plans... you never know what can happen and as they say life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

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