Why do I feel so lonely?

[smilingmocha]

Hi Everyone,

First time here-and hoping to just hear some "been there comments" to know that I'm not alone.

I'm so sad about this relationship. I love him, and I miss him everyday, but we can't be together yet. He is an engineer working in South carolina because that's where his company sponsored him (he's not a US resident and don't have the freedom to move unless he gains sponsorship so he can't just quit and move. And I'm in the non-profit world, not making enough and not feeling confident enough to quit and move to him because I don't think I'll get another job, and I don't want to be his burden. We both went to college in Cali, and he wants to come back here-he just can't find the job to get him to sponsor him here. I wish I felt better about myself, and more confident-but I'm feeling like a burden as the days go by. He's working towards his goals-and he's concurrently doing a master's degree online from UCLA. I'm stuck here in this job that pays me well below what I'm supposed to earn, and live with my parents. I wish I can leave everything and go to him, but I can't because I know I'll be a burden.

I just got back home, and going to work some more from home-and I realized I'm in a relationship with someone I truly love and who cares about me and is there whenever I need him to be, and yet I feel so lonely. It's been over a year, I'm losing hope that this is meant to last. He says we'll be together soon-me not knowing when, makes me feel like this will never happen. Sometimes I wonder why I did this to myself, now I'm in a position where I'm sad and lonely I can't be with him...that's a sad relationship. Why am I feeling like this? Why am I with someone I love, and yet feeling so incredibly alone with my half so far away from me.

[differentcountries]

Is there any reason why you guys cant do visits?

[smilingmocha]

We did monthly visits for 3 days at a time due to our work schedule. But because each trip costs close to 1,000 in hotel bills/airplane costs per visit, we're trying to save money-and its now two months, and will be another two months before I see him again. That's probably why I'm getting sad all the time-we don't have our next set date because of our schedules and costs.

[differentcountries]

Even if you can't visit in a while, I reccomend getting the dates set and tickets booked (through credit if you have to). It means so much to have a count down.

[SailorRei]

Have you tried to find a job near him? You don't have to quit everything and just move in, maybe you can start by looking at job online and applying there?
Not having a date sucks, I've been there for 3months and it feels like you'll never see each other again but in the end there is always a way to meet!

But seriously, if your current job is bad and you want to move to him, start looking now! I get that you don't want to be his burden and just live off his pocket, but the job won't just come to you- you need to find it

[TaraMarie]

There are plenty of jobs in the non profit sector in the southeast (I see them all the time) however, even if you look for a new different job, they ARE available. The cost of living in this part of the country us a lot less than in CA. Hopefully you can find one near him and close the distance! Good luck.

Btw, we ALL feel the same way you do. My SO works in NY but lives here fri-mon. I miss him every minute he us gone, and it's very hard for me, although I am luckier than most. But I've had the exact same feelings as you over the last three years.

[snow]

You're not gonna be a burden if you try your best. Start looking for jobs, start applying for jobs and maybe one day you will get one, but if you sit around mulling over the fact that you hate your job and can't be with your SO but don't actually try to better your situation, you will feel like a burden. Give your best and see where it takes you. Sometimes in life you have to take risks for the greater good and applying for some jobs is definitely worth it

[R&R]

I just got back home, and going to work some more from home-and I realized I'm in a relationship with someone I truly love and who cares about me and is there whenever I need him to be, and yet I feel so lonely. It's been over a year, I'm losing hope that this is meant to last. He says we'll be together soon-me not knowing when, makes me feel like this will never happen. Sometimes I wonder why I did this to myself, now I'm in a position where I'm sad and lonely I can't be with him...that's a sad relationship. Why am I feeling like this? Why am I with someone I love, and yet feeling so incredibly alone with my half so far away from me.

All of us here are either LDR or were before closing the distance. There are people who have been together over a year who have never met. There are people in different countries who are lucky to see each other once a year. We have people who have been together over 5 years and still have more time to go before they can close the distance. Every situation is different but we are all in it because we have that one special person who is worth the distance and time.

One of the biggest things is going to be your attitude and your perspective. If you sit and dwell on the being apart, yes, you are going to be sad a miserable. If you dwell instead on the good things, you will be happier. Planning, working together toward your future - those are positive things. A negative attitude is just going to bring you down and make things much harder on yourself.

[whatruckus]

If you go to him, you'll be able to find jobs. Believe me. Where in South Carolina is he? My Ex grew up in Gaffney, near Greenville. Everything in South Carolina is extremely cheap (housing, etc). You could probably rent a HOUSE for a few hundred dollars.

That's why a lot of people moving south. North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia...the cost of living, like Tara said, is very nice compared to other states in this country.

California is no where near as bad as where I live. NJ/NY. It's insane around here. If you even want to think about buying a house in my town, be prepared to spend at least $750,000+ for a house that's probably only worth $200,000. Oh, and don't forget the property taxes. It's even worse in Connecticut and Massachusetts.