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    #1

    Pain > Distance ?

    I'm sure you all know how it goes. You feel extremely happy when you are with him/her, but you loose a part of you when they are gone. I'm not the only one, right?
    I have work all day and he hasn't even left yet from his weekend visit. I got ready for work this morning and before I left, I laid next to him and hugged him as tight as I could. It doesn't seem like the pain of missing him is going to go away. We have a loooong time before we can even think about closing the distance. So then I start freaking out when I think about dealing with the pain of not having him next to me for that long.
    I am trying not to be emotional before he leaves.
    My friends tell me that this relationship is impossible. That two people can not be in a long distance relationship for as long as we will be. It's too hard.
    Or like my cousin told me today, "Why are you in this relationship? You are miserable!"

    Does anyone else feel more pain than contentment in their ldr?
    Does anyone else see the negative perception that long distance relationships have? It's almost like people have placed ldrs in a stereotype that they always fail and can't work out.
    Thoughts, comments, etc????
    Tags: None
    #2
    Your LDR is going to be the way you let it be. If you concentrate on the negative aspects, you will be unhappy. If you concentrate on being with a person who loves you despite being apart of you more than with you, you are going to be fine.
    Of course it's hard, of course it hurts every single time they/you leave, but you still have someone in your life who loves you and that's more than some people have.
    Yes, people might say that it's not going to work out and people will try to tell you it's impossible, but look around here, there is tons of success stories! Some of us had to wait for years until we could close the distance, others got lucky and could do it sooner, but we are all in this together and all of us here believe that LDRs are relationships like any other, just with the added obstacle of distance.

    The husband and I have always tried to focus on the positive things in our relationship. We tried to talk to each other as much as possible, share our live with each other so the other person would not feel excluded and we made it through two and a half tough years before we got married and I could move to be with him. It was definitely not always easy and the distance got to us as well, but it was worth it in the end

    Relationship began: 05/22/2012
    First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
    Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
    Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
    Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
    Married: 1/24/2015
    Became Resident: 9/14/2015

    Comment

      #3
      Staying positive is the key. He is really good at that.
      I also thing I am too dependent on my SO. I need to find my own happy with myself. I don't really do things for myself. My life is centered around my son and my SO. I don't really have any hobbies. I am out of school right now, but will start back in August. That gives me more to focus on. Also, my son and I are practicing his multiplication facts and reading throughout the rest of the summer! Staying busy and occupied is what I always hear people say as a way to cope with the pain.
      Ultimately, I just want to be happy! I want to be a positive bubbly ray of sunshine for myself, my son, and my SO. They shouldn't have to see me cry every time I leave or he leaves.

      Comment

        #4
        The pain of missing doesn't go away, you just learn to live with it. We have at least another year to go, perhaps more, perhaps much more before we can close the distance.

        What gives me strenght, are all the little things telling me that we move forward as a couple and as a family. I can tell he trusts me more and more. People tell us we look so much in love. We work together to save money. We plan for the future.

        It also gives me strenght to think about all the other LD couples and what they had to do. SOs best friend has been in a long distance relationship for 6 years... And they have seen each other far less than we have, and still holding on strong. With a baby.

        I am sometimes low about the relationship, yes. We may have to see less of each other if we can't find a way to close the distance soon. But it doesn't matter. Less of him is still so much more than nothing of him, and I can't bear the thought of not being with him. LD forces us to work on our relationship in ways a CD would not. I am hoping that once we live close we will have learned lots abouts how we work together.
        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

        Comment

          #5
          Originally posted by twentynine11 View Post
          Staying positive is the key. He is really good at that.
          I also thing I am too dependent on my SO. I need to find my own happy with myself. I don't really do things for myself. My life is centered around my son and my SO. I don't really have any hobbies. I am out of school right now, but will start back in August. That gives me more to focus on. Also, my son and I are practicing his multiplication facts and reading throughout the rest of the summer! Staying busy and occupied is what I always hear people say as a way to cope with the pain.
          Ultimately, I just want to be happy! I want to be a positive bubbly ray of sunshine for myself, my son, and my SO. They shouldn't have to see me cry every time I leave or he leaves.
          Don't feel bad for crying when either leaves, it's traumatic and take it from someone who closed the distance, it impacts you much deeper than I thought. For the first months after we closed the distance I constantly felt like I would have to leave any day now and it takes time to get over it, HOWEVER, don't let it be the only emotion you remember from visits!

          Relationship began: 05/22/2012
          First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
          Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
          Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
          Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
          Married: 1/24/2015
          Became Resident: 9/14/2015

          Comment

            #6
            MY SO technically lives with me.....but stays in NY during the week to work. Every Monday I am miserable because he has to leave. Every SINGLE time. And every Friday I look forward to getting up and getting dressed knowing I will see him that evening. Everyone feels the same way. You aren't alone. It sucks not being able to be with the one you love all the time. But I will say that it makes every minute we are together super special.
            sigpic

            I love him. Forever. And every day after that.

            Comment

              #7
              For me the pain is always there, making me question if it's worth it. Because I know myself, and I know that I was happier being single than in LDR. But I'm even more happy when I get to be with him! We might be together for almost a year now, but with no real plans for future (he doesn't like planning so far ahead), when people ask me if we are still together, I just say it's complicated.

              It really depends on day and mood, sometimes I just don't even want to talk to him and thinking if it's the right choice, sometimes I feel like I love him so much that I'll do anything to keep us together.

              Comment

                #8
                It hurts so much when I have to leave but I deal with it. The happiness I get from being his makes it worth it to me to go though the pain of being apart. I feel sorry for the bus staff at Columbus, They got to see me sit on top of my suite case in a heap crying. I am usually so good at keeping my emotions in check but that day was really hard. I can only imagine it'll be worse this time. But I love him and he makes me very happy. So to me that is worth it. I deal with things by having a calendar and marking off all the things I have to do before I can go and see him. Spend time with friends, go running (if I can ever get any sleep!) and do as much as I can to distract myself. You can only do your best, just try to stay positive.
                Engaged Dec 2015!! Visa approved June 2016 . Married July 18th 2016 <3

                Home is where the heart is and my home will always be with my love.
                All the way from England to the USA.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by snow View Post
                  Your LDR is going to be the way you let it be. If you concentrate on the negative aspects, you will be unhappy. If you concentrate on being with a person who loves you despite being apart of you more than with you, you are going to be fine.
                  Of course it's hard, of course it hurts every single time they/you leave, but you still have someone in your life who loves you and that's more than some people have.
                  Yes, people might say that it's not going to work out and people will try to tell you it's impossible, but look around here, there is tons of success stories! Some of us had to wait for years until we could close the distance, others got lucky and could do it sooner, but we are all in this together and all of us here believe that LDRs are relationships like any other, just with the added obstacle of distance.

                  The husband and I have always tried to focus on the positive things in our relationship. We tried to talk to each other as much as possible, share our live with each other so the other person would not feel excluded and we made it through two and a half tough years before we got married and I could move to be with him. It was definitely not always easy and the distance got to us as well, but it was worth it in the end
                  I think this is really key right here. Next week I leave to see him. It will be our 7th visit in 18 months. I have found it to get easier each time we part. The first visit, I was in tears the night before I left. The last 2 visits, there were no tears at all when we parted. It's not that I love him any less or don't miss him but I know this isn't forever and that I will see him again. I find that focusing on our next visit keeps me going. I'm already planning our November visit.

                  The positive outlook is what is going to really help you. Make a list of all the good things if you need to. You have a good thing. Don't let others try to bring you down about it.
                  To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

                  ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Well I anticipated a pleasant leave this time. I really did. I prepared myself mentally ahead of time.
                    However, I didn't expect what happened to happen.
                    Please see my recent thread titled "He left...". Please read!

                    Comment

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