LDR girlfriend problems

[TheSeriousOne]

Hi. Alright so I am new here this is my first post and I will just start.
So I am in this long distance relationship for 4 months now and I really love this girl. I am 19 she's 21. She lives in another country. We have lots in common and I think she's great like she's my world and she thinks the same ( from what she say). So there were many problems along the way , she showing less affection and all but we always talked about it. So getting to the point: We talked alot about the future and we decided that after I finish with school I will move to her. And we had some plans like she was going to visit me in September. ..and now it begins...So she can't visit me because she must move to another city because of her work and she can't come. She said that she will come during Christmas or new year for 1 week. I was very sad but alright I understood that. And 2 days ago I just found out that her sister which is 14 is going to visit my girlfriend in July for 3 weeks and in these 3 weeks my girlfriend is work - free (holiday). So when she told me I was very angry and sad and all but I didn't told her. I pretended all is ok because she was so happy that her sister comes and all and didn't wanted to get her in bad mood with her work problems and all I don't want to be a burden BUT it really pisses me off like I am so angry that she says she loves me and all and she can't make 1 week free for me. I mean yes I understand that she loves her sister and I don't want to be more important than her family but she is her sister... she knows her and even if I would want to spend 3 weeks with her I understand her sister situation but at least could spend 2 weeks with her sister and 1 week with me. I mean she says she wanna met me and all but she won't make 1 week free time for me that sounds horrible to me. I put her first my family and friends second always... Tomorrow I am going to talk with her about this I think and considering her answers I will see if the relationship will go on BUT before I do that I want some opinions from some experienced people if it's possible. I Really love her but sometimes I feel like she dont love me as she says she does. We barely talk on Skype and 95% of time I start the conversations because otherwise she dont say anything.... maybe only after 1 day checks up on me... and the sister situation filled the cup to say so.
Her sister and family lives in Austria she lives in Germany. However she talks all the time with her sister and sometimes I am jealous even when I know I should not be. .and my girlfriend tells me all the time that I am the one or her half I respond the same but these are just words ...her actions show something else...
So is this normal or I am just a ignorant jerk? I can't help that's what I feel...i tried to abstain but I can't control my feelings.
Sorry for poor English and I hope for some opinions from the more experienced ones i really need some advices / help...please. Thanks.

[Ejoriah]

You keep talking about your girlfriend making time to come see you, but I don't see you addressing money issues at all. Presumably, your girlfriend is paying for her trip to see you. If she's from another country, trips could be very expensive. Even if the trip is relatively cheap, maybe she's not in a position where she has that kind of money laying around. She is making plans for later in the year (first September and then Christmas) so, unless you provide more information, I assume it is because she needs to plan her finances. If her sister is 14 then it's reasonable to assume that the parents are paying for the trip.

On the issue of communication - different people have different needs to communicate. My fiancé used to go a day or two with no contact and that drove me absolutely crazy. He ended up understanding that I needed more contact than what he was providing, so when we are long distance he texts me in the morning and then calls me when he gets done with work. I still want more, but I also try to understand that it's the way he operates. Your girlfriend checks up on you after a day or so, so it's not like she doesn't care if you don't talk to her.

You can try talking to her about your feelings, but honestly I think you need to calm down first. It seems to me that you just want to jump to the conclusion that she doesn't care enough or doesn't love you enough. That's a dangerous way of thinking, in a relationship.

[whatruckus]

I definitely agree with Ejoriah.

Also, I feel like you really need to understand and grasp that, from the looks of it, her family really does come first. If they live in another country, then yes, I'm pretty sure she'd want to spend all that time with her sister, and I don't doubt she missed her incredibly. Be thankful of the fact that she is actually trying to make the effort to see you. She originally told you that it would be September anyways, and her sister is coming in July. So, why does her sister visiting even matter? What if she already knew her sister was coming, and that is why she told you September in the first place. I feel as though you're a little jealous right now, for no real reason. I understand your frustration, but like I said, it's pretty evident that her family is #1. And, I'm sure everyone here will agree with me that their families are also #1, in comparison to their SO's (unless they have their own families).

We can't give much advice about the trips thing because we don't know much about her, or your, financial situation.

Don't automatically assume she doesn't care about you, and can't make time for you. That's destructive.

About the communication thing, like Ejoriah's SO, mine barely talks to me too, nor does he initiate contact much. It's just the way he is. Of course, I get irritated with him, but it's also something I understand. We've had numerous talks about it, and he's gotten slightly better. But, the point is that he's trying.

Have you ever talked to your GF about this? Maybe she doesn't have as much available time as you think.

[Ella85]

My family come first, my family being my daughter. When I wanted to see my SO (went for 9 days) I couldn't afford to take my daughter with me and then go again with my daughter for the summer. I had to arrange childcare. If my aunt couldn't have looked after her, I would not have gone. That does not mean that I do not love my boyfriend, that is far from the truth.

I echo what others have said, her sister may already have been coming, it could be to do with finances etc. It's not unreasonable if that's the case to expect you to be paying for half the trip? My boyfriend hasn't because my finances are in better shape than his, but he paid for all my food when I was there last and our dates etc. But it goes both ways. She has to work.

[TheSeriousOne]

There are no financial problems. And after I found out that she can't come in September I offered to come and visit her but she has no free time between sister visiting until christmass because of her work. And yes when she doesn't have the time I know I am not expecting her to chat with me when she's busy at work or something but even when she's at home doing nothing would rather watch TV or something rather than chat with me and that's annoying.

[TheSeriousOne]

My family come first, my family being my daughter. When I wanted to see my SO (went for 9 days) I couldn't afford to take my daughter with me and then go again with my daughter for the summer. I had to arrange childcare. If my aunt couldn't have looked after her, I would not have gone. That does not mean that I do not love my boyfriend, that is far from the truth.

I echo what others have said, her sister may already have been coming, it could be to do with finances etc. It's not unreasonable if that's the case to expect you to be paying for half the trip? My boyfriend hasn't because my finances are in better shape than his, but he paid for all my food when I was there last and our dates etc. But it goes both ways. She has to work.

She has a better financial situation than me and of course I am going for pay the trip and for whatever else I can.

[whatruckus]

There are no financial problems. And after I found out that she can't come in September I offered to come and visit her but she has no free time between sister visiting until christmass because of her work. And yes when she doesn't have the time I know I am not expecting her to chat with me when she's busy at work or something but even when she's at home doing nothing would rather watch TV or something rather than chat with me and that's annoying.

It's annoying, yes, but like I asked, have you talked to her about it?

Every time my SO is home from work, he's either playing video games, watching Dart videos, or practicing his darts. He tends to "ignore me" too, or he "disappears" (as I call it). We could be in the middle of a conversation, and he just randomly stops responding. It doesn't necessarily mean you're not on her mind, she could just be getting distracted like my SO. Even I do that sometimes, and I'm actually very good at communication. When I get on a Hulu or Netflix binge, I tend to do this. So, try not to be so hard on her about it, unless you've discussed this issue before. And, try not to be upset about the visit thing. It seems like she's just trying to make sure she actually has time to spend with you. Which, me personally, I'd rather have that than a loosely planned trip where everything falls through. Wouldn't you?

[TheSeriousOne]

I definitely agree with Ejoriah.

Also, I feel like you really need to understand and grasp that, from the looks of it, her family really does come first. If they live in another country, then yes, I'm pretty sure she'd want to spend all that time with her sister, and I don't doubt she missed her incredibly. Be thankful of the fact that she is actually trying to make the effort to see you. She originally told you that it would be September anyways, and her sister is coming in July. So, why does her sister visiting even matter? What if she already knew her sister was coming, and that is why she told you September in the first place. I feel as though you're a little jealous right now, for no real reason. I understand your frustration, but like I said, it's pretty evident that her family is #1. And, I'm sure everyone here will agree with me that their families are also #1, in comparison to their SO's (unless they have their own families).

We can't give much advice about the trips thing because we don't know much about her, or your, financial situation.

Don't automatically assume she doesn't care about you, and can't make time for you. That's destructive.

About the communication thing, like Ejoriah's SO, mine barely talks to me too, nor does he initiate contact much. It's just the way he is. Of course, I get irritated with him, but it's also something I understand. We've had numerous talks about it, and he's gotten slightly better. But, the point is that he's trying.

Have you ever talked to your GF about this? Maybe she doesn't have as much available time as you think.

Yes we did talked about it and she's trying a little bit but I feel that I am more into this relationship than she is.

[TheSeriousOne]

It's annoying, yes, but like I asked, have you talked to her about it?

Every time my SO is home from work, he's either playing video games, watching Dart videos, or practicing his darts. He tends to "ignore me" too, or he "disappears" (as I call it). We could be in the middle of a conversation, and he just randomly stops responding. It doesn't necessarily mean you're not on her mind, she could just be getting distracted like my SO. Even I do that sometimes, and I'm actually very good at communication. When I get on a Hulu or Netflix binge, I tend to do this. So, try not to be so hard on her about it, unless you've discussed this issue before. And, try not to be upset about the visit thing. It seems like she's just trying to make sure she actually has time to spend with you. Which, me personally, I'd rather have that than a loosely planned trip where everything falls through. Wouldn't you?

Well if you put it like that... Yea you are right. She has some moments like that , getting distracted. And what bothers me is that she would rather met up with her sister I mean I am the new thing , I would cancel a trip with my parents for her. That's how I think. Like if we would have met already then yes it was ok. But we never met and I was expecting that she wants it as much as I want it.

[whatruckus]

If she is trying more, like you say, then I don't think that you are more in it than she is. Like Ejoriah and I tried to explain, it really could be that she's just not that good at communication. The point is that you discussed it, and she is trying. You can't really ask any more. If she wasn't trying at all, and made no effort, then yes...you could feel the way that you do. Some people are just not that great at communication, even if it was a CD couple. I have friends in relationships who have the same problem and they live extremely close to each other.

I think if this is that much of a big deal to you, that maybe you need to evaluate whether this is something you can live with, or if it is a deal breaker for you.

[differentcountries]

you have dated 4 months, never met and already you are thinking about an international move?

Her holiday with her sister was probably planned a long time ago.

[Zapookie]

You need to slow your roll. Just because you are the "new thing" as you put it, does not and should not mean you are at the top of her priority list. How long have you actually been a couple? You have to understand that it takes some people more time than others to warm up to another person, let alone warm up to the idea of meeting someone off the internet. Continue communicating with her, but let things happen when she's ready. Her family is important to her. You need to deal with that. It would also do no good to nag her or get angry about this situation, as your wording comes off as jealous and clingy, and that can push someone away so early into a relationship.