Last Sunday, my SO and I ended our relationship after being together for 4 years and 2 months. In this time we were in an LDR for 16 months, lived in his hometown (London, England), and mine (Toronto, Canada). Things really started to go downhill after we moved to Toronto last November. Every step we took was based on "if we do _____" such as move out of my parents' house, get better jobs, hire a car and go away on weekends, etc "...then we'll be happy." But this can only get you so far. Your relationship shouldn't be based on outside factors, the love and commitment has to come from within each of you. If you both want the same things, have the same values, respect and cherish each other, then you will go far.
Our relationship broke down when we no longer wanted the same things in life: the biggest being that my SO wants to move back to the UK and I don't. On paper, it sounds like a great idea, I loved a lot of things about living there, but it's not what my heart wants. London brought me many moments of joy, but I also felt very sad living there. Toronto isn't world's greatest city but it's my home and I feel more like myself here. I know if I moved back to the UK it would only be for my SO and after awhile, I would resent that fact, and him. That's unfair to both of us.
It's really hard to know when to end a relationship, but the "nail in the coffin" for me was when my SO said "I don't want to be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life, wondering if you're there." I really struggle with my self confidence and to basically hear him say that he's going to forge ahead, even if it means without me, was really hard. Maybe I'm crazy, but to hear him say "we're in this together" would have meant a lot to me. We had a very, very poor support system in our relationship and yes, it took me many years to realise it! I also recognise that I need to love myself before anyone else can love me.
Anyways, enough about me. I want to say: don't give up on your relationship and don't let anyone tell you that you can't do it. As long as you and your partner want the same things, it can work. Our relationship in Toronto, together, has been more of a struggle than being in an LDR ever was.
I want to thank all of you in this community. You're always full of words of wisdom and I greatly enjoy reading your stories. This relationship has been my greatest love story and I don't regret anything, I just wish it could have had a happy ending.
To anyone who has been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear your experiences regarding moving on. I felt like I had my whole life planned out and now it's just a vast empty space... which is exciting, but also terrifying.
Our relationship broke down when we no longer wanted the same things in life: the biggest being that my SO wants to move back to the UK and I don't. On paper, it sounds like a great idea, I loved a lot of things about living there, but it's not what my heart wants. London brought me many moments of joy, but I also felt very sad living there. Toronto isn't world's greatest city but it's my home and I feel more like myself here. I know if I moved back to the UK it would only be for my SO and after awhile, I would resent that fact, and him. That's unfair to both of us.
It's really hard to know when to end a relationship, but the "nail in the coffin" for me was when my SO said "I don't want to be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life, wondering if you're there." I really struggle with my self confidence and to basically hear him say that he's going to forge ahead, even if it means without me, was really hard. Maybe I'm crazy, but to hear him say "we're in this together" would have meant a lot to me. We had a very, very poor support system in our relationship and yes, it took me many years to realise it! I also recognise that I need to love myself before anyone else can love me.
Anyways, enough about me. I want to say: don't give up on your relationship and don't let anyone tell you that you can't do it. As long as you and your partner want the same things, it can work. Our relationship in Toronto, together, has been more of a struggle than being in an LDR ever was.
I want to thank all of you in this community. You're always full of words of wisdom and I greatly enjoy reading your stories. This relationship has been my greatest love story and I don't regret anything, I just wish it could have had a happy ending.
To anyone who has been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear your experiences regarding moving on. I felt like I had my whole life planned out and now it's just a vast empty space... which is exciting, but also terrifying.
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