Heartbroken please tell me if I'm overreacting

[Summer0808]

I've been talking to my SO for two months, we recently made things official about two weeks ago. I am currently visiting him in his state. He was married before and he was cheated on by his ex wife and they got divorced. I thought trust was a huge part of our relationship given his past. I KNOW I shouldn't have done this but he left me his iPad so I could use it while he had to work. He was logged into Facebook and I read messages. He's been talking to other women (before we were official) however we agreed that we weren't going to talk to anyone else even before we made it official. He's been asking women to dinner, and sending kiss emojis. I'm so hurt... I don't even know how to handle the situation.

[Dandan]

Did you confront him about this?

I've been talking to my SO for two months, we recently made things official about two weeks ago. I am currently visiting him in his state. He was married before and he was cheated on by his ex wife and they got divorced. I thought trust was a huge part of our relationship given his past. I KNOW I shouldn't have done this but he left me his iPad so I could use it while he had to work. He was logged into Facebook and I read messages. He's been talking to other women (before we were official) however we agreed that we weren't going to talk to anyone else even before we made it official. He's been asking women to dinner, and sending kiss emojis. I'm so hurt... I don't even know how to handle the situation.

Coz if not, then you should...

[Summer0808]

Yes, I confronted him. He replied with "I have friends that are girls" he used the word DATE in a message.. I told him that sounds more than friendly. I told him I should stay in a hotel tonight and catch my flight tomorrow to which he just said okay. He didn't fight it... I guess he either knows he messed up big time or maybe he never cared for me as much as he said he did.

[Elizabeth123]

You responded as I posted....so maybe he feels you broke his trust and is being defensive
Do you want him to look at your devices when you are not there? (phone, laptop, etc...)
Communicate with HIM......Try not jumping to conclusions without information.
You say you've been together only two months...are you sure you know his entire family, friends, co-workers, etc?
Apologize for your mistake and discuss what has upset you...

[SailorRei]

Leaving with a fight and unsolved problems is VERY bad. You should talk it through and solve it face to face when you still have the time, because we all know that Skype sometimes is not enough.

On the other hand, you said that he was talking to these girls before you made it official... yes, you had an agreement, but my guess is that he thought that you are doing the same thing as him... dating for 2 months is not very much and distance is making things even more complicated..

Just keep communicating and talk through all the problems!

[Dandan]

It doesn't sounds good... Sounds like be doesn't care. I would drope this relationship, but that's me, for me trust is everything, so if I can't trust there nothing else matters..

[snow]

On the other hand, you said that he was talking to these girls before you made it official... yes, you had an agreement, but my guess is that he thought that you are doing the same thing as him...

No, we will not find excuses for someone breaking an agreement. If they said they wouldn't talk to other people after they made it official and he did, he is the one at fault and no matter how much he thought she could/would/should have done the same, it was an agreement. If he wasn't going to abide by it, he shouldn't have agreed to it.

To the OP: I think you should talk it out. It doesn't matter if he is resentful that you found the messages or not. Trust is obviously important to you and if you had an agreement, he has to explain himself. Should you have gone through the messages? No, but what's done is done and now you have to talk through this. It'd be best if you did this before you leave, just so it's not looming over both of you until you get the chance to talk again, but if not, talk about it asap.
It's been two months and yes, that is not a long time, but things like these, if never addressed, could lead to bigger lies, bigger agreements being broken or even cheating in the future.

Good luck!

[Summer0808]

Honestly, I've never had to have a conversation like this so I don't even know how to get the answers I need. He also said things in his messages about changing the fact they are single. Should I show him certain messages and ask him what he meant, to explain himself? ��

[snow]

Honestly, I've never had to have a conversation like this so I don't even know how to get the answers I need. He also said things in his messages about changing the fact they are single. Should I show him certain messages and ask him what he meant, to explain himself? ��

Yes, if you have specific questions, do it! Ask him what he meant with changing their relationship status while he is supposed to be with you. Maybe it's a big misunderstanding and that happens, but I'll ask him to be honest and explain himself!

[Kapwned]

I'd essentially do what Snow said. I'd apologize for doing it, promise to never do it again BUT you need to know where he stands with you because those messages made it look like he wasn't acting very exclusive with you, which is what you had agreed upon and gotten the impression of. It sounds like you want a serious exclusive and monogamous relationship, and you need to make sure he knows that and that means he can't go flirting with other girls. And you need to say that the things he was saying were going beyond your comfort level, they were even going beyond flirting. Use specific examples such as discussing changing their relationship status, emojis, discussions of dates (and the use of the word 'date'). Also remember to keep your head and emotions about you. You guys have only been together two months. Even if you break up, at least you found out now and didn't waste more of your time.

[Petals]

Sigh...I think you are over reacting a bit. There's no point huffing and puffing and going to a hotel IF what YOU really want is to know where you stand or to work out the issue. You want him to fight for you, but hey, the relationship is very new and he IS insecure too, so he will be on the defensive.

The fact is...you were not official when he corresponded with these women. Yes you verbally agreed that you would not date others...but is messaging others considered "dating?" It seems he was flirting...Yes he betrayed your trust...and you have also betrayed him too- nobody likes anyone rifling through their personal things. He gave you access to his computer but not his private messages.

The relationship is young: give it a chance to blossom. IMO it is not that big of deal, since it happen before you were official. If you think this is a deal breaker then by all means end it and go home.