Med School and LDR

[Jamaicanqueen]

I am looking for some advice. I am about to start my second year of medical school, and I am in a 4 year LDR. I go to school in Tennessee, and my SO lives in Florida. So our visits and ability to talk to each other has lessened greatly since last year. There has also been a lot of upcoming trust issues, because we both cheated over the past year. I spoke with him recently, and we are both willing to start from a clean slate. I am just wondering how to trust him again, and if we should continue to stay together. I really want to make it work and I am currently with him during my summer break from school. I am just afraid that there will be another repeat of last year again once I leave. What can we do to make it work once the distance is there again?

[differentcountries]

It depends... Why did you cheat? If you can answer that question you are half way there.

[Jamaicanqueen]

Well for me it was more that I was missing the physical aspect of the relationship. I told my SO right when it happened and it was really tough cause he had been cheated on before. When he cheated, it was more so like an eye for an eye thing. But he hid it from me for months. When I confronted him about it directly he finally admitted to it.

The person he was with was kind of possessive. She has shown up at his house twice already, unannounced. Even though, he has never given her his address. She had also messaged my at one point a few months ago saying that they were dating, but when I confronted him about it at first he said that he didn't know her. So I assumed that it was just some random stalker. I just found out about them recently, and I have been here all summer and have never seen her before. When I asked him about them dating at all while we were together, he said that she really wanted to, but he told her no.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Here is the tough truth: once you lose that trust, it is extremely hard to get back. Since LDR's are so much about trusting your SO, it will not be easy to keep going like this. That is not to say that it's not possible though! You two just need to work harder than ever at being open and honest at every point and eventually that trust will come again. Be patient though, it will not be immediate. Good luck to you!

[twentynine11]

My SO is starting his first year of med school next month. We have been dating for 3 years total, long distance for 2 years while he was getting his masters. I have had trust issues since day 1 of this relationship because of my past ones.
The realest advice that I can give you is this...
Take time to really think about if this is what you really want, this relationship with him. If you really want this, go for it. You will have to realize that it is a risk, any relationship is. It's a choice that has a potential benefit. Just know that no matter what happens, your choices are what create your self worth. Keep your side of the "street" clean. Make choices that are conducive to the betterment of yourself. I used to play the "what if" game a lot. Play out those "what ifs" in your mind... you know what will always happen???... You will be ok! You live, you learn, and you will be ok. If it's something you feel is worth the risk, go for it with your best foot forward.

[S41r4]

My SO was in 2nd yr med school when we met and stayed solid all throughout 3rd year and final year. She's now a resident and this month is working well for us but next month will be terrible because she's on ICU and apparently will be working 15 hours a day.
oh AND we have 5 hours time difference. But for 10 days I'm gonna be about 10 miles from her, visiting my family so I know I'll see her for a few evenings and maybe a couple nights.

I don't know why you cheated because I didn't read that bit. Just letting you know on the med student part. We made it work just fine.
It requires patience understanding and tons of support.