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No no no, It's after the SECOND visit that's the hardest.

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    #1

    No no no, It's after the SECOND visit that's the hardest.

    Not here to say anyone's opinion is invalid, just here to share mine.
    I don't get why people think the first visit is the hardest???
    Like I know why for the visit itself, but for me and Tam the SECOND one is killing us.
    More specifically, the post-visit part.
    After last time, it was motivating. We had clear goals like "Finish school" or "Just figure anything out, really"
    Now we have "IDK save money??? Look for better job???" for her and "Get your sh!t together with no help from anybody cause it doesn't seem like your family wants to help you get your life in a better place for the next one" for me.
    Last time we had distractions. She ad school like I said, and my sister still lived here and the whole pregnancy thing with her, and we stayed busy.
    Right now, Tam has like nonexistant hours at work (The work hours were getting wonky before the visit) and I have actually discovered how to be completely tired of playing games all day. Plus it really sucks going back to Skype calls on my lame internet when we sound like robots with bad audio clipping.

    This is tearing me up so much I keep getting minor acid reflux :/ I do not have any idea how to survive the month or more it'll be before we can even make a countdown.
    Met: Apr 2013
    Mutual interest: July 2013
    Relationship Began: November 6 2013
    First Visit (Her to Me): July 4 2014
    Second Visit (Me to Her): Jan/Feb 2015 Postponed due to sister having baby
    Second Visit! (Her to Me again): June 16 2015 - July 4 2015
    Engaged: June 29 2015 <3
    Third Visit: (Her to me, working on it) January 19 2016 - February 2 2016
    Tags: blugh, hard, second visit
    #2
    They both suck yes....
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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      #3
      Yeah I haven't done my 2nd visit yet but I am staying 6 weeks so I've a feeling I won't be particularly happy in September when I come back home.
      Engaged Dec 2015!! Visa approved June 2016 . Married July 18th 2016 <3

      Home is where the heart is and my home will always be with my love.
      All the way from England to the USA.

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        #4
        They all suck tbh, depends on the circumstances following each I guess. Like, maybe you visit 10 times in uni and have a clear plan each time afterwards because the goal is "finish uni," but then the 11th visit is after uni and it becomes like you said-- what now? What goals do we have? How do we plan ahead? Changes in circumstance always present new challenges (but sometimes also new opportunities).
        Canadian permanent residence APPROVED!
        Closed the Distance: 09/26/2019
        Engaged: 09/26/2020

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          #5
          I personally feel that long distance gets progressively more suck as it goes along. For me the first meet was the hardest, because we went from a "maybe" to a "this is real". We went from imagining what it would be like, to knowing exactly what we were missing. The second visit? It wasn't life-changing. The shock wasn't there. But we had a plan. I'm not one of those people who can not have a plan. So I feel for you!

          Hang in there. The amount of suck will make a great story some day.
          Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person

          Comment

            #6
            This was our 7th visit and I realized today as I was driving the final stretch home that this was the hardest for me. Usually when I hit the state line or land in NH I feel home. This was the first time ever that I didn't feel like I was coming home because he's not here.
            To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

            ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

            Comment

              #7
              The suck just changes character. My second visit was rather strange, as he was supposed to come to me, but got a visa rejection. It was right before I was about to start my new job, so I was able to immediately book a plane and go to him instead. I was flying through Ataturk airport which had the effect that I wouldn't cry from leaving him at the local airport, but as soon as we left Turkish airspace I would go straight into instant cry mode. He had said some dark stuff that made me upset, like maybe a relationship like our had to end, stuff like that, I think he felt down because of the visa rejection (since then we have had a succesfull visa so he could visit me). But we also had made wonderful memories like going on a boat trip, cooking together, getting physically close etc. and it hurt not to have that, but actually starting work helped a lot since I really had to concentrate on something important besides than him/us.

              I used to be more upset by actually leaving him, now that we have frequent visits it is more just a general frustration that we don't know when or how we can close the distance. I feel I am wearing thin, stretched out like rubber to accomodate everyone and everything in my life in two countries. Often I cry more in between visits because then it is the longest both since I saw him and until I will see him again ... And random things will remind me of him.
              Last edited by differentcountries; July 11, 2015, 06:39 PM.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

              Comment

                #8
                I understand the wearing thin thing so much.
                I just don't want to be on my computer or devices all day anymore. I wanna not have to talk to the only person who doesn't infuriate me by using spotty wifi.
                I am so done with the LD part of this R.
                And I want to find something to do while we're not together, but it's so hard and I end up wasting MORE time crying. Last time the crying didn't last over a whole week (Granted last time it took me three months to even sleep in my room again and now I'm forcing myself to ugh)
                Met: Apr 2013
                Mutual interest: July 2013
                Relationship Began: November 6 2013
                First Visit (Her to Me): July 4 2014
                Second Visit (Me to Her): Jan/Feb 2015 Postponed due to sister having baby
                Second Visit! (Her to Me again): June 16 2015 - July 4 2015
                Engaged: June 29 2015 <3
                Third Visit: (Her to me, working on it) January 19 2016 - February 2 2016

                Comment

                  #9
                  I spent 3 weeks over Xmas with my SO and that was the longest we'd spent together. This was our 18th visit but I think it was a real awakening of how we just felt we knew now, and we needed to be together. I just had 2 weeks with him and this was also hard. Yes it sucks.....I think no matter how many visits it's always hard.

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