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    #1

    He says he loves me as a friend now.

    Hello Everybody,

    I need some advises. Sorry if I misspell something; English is not my first language.
    I have been dating this guy for 7 months and it has been a LDR for only one.
    Since I realized he was moving out of town ( in March of this year) I got terribly scared. I have an anxiety problem (recently diagnosed) and I guess that was making me pick up several and ridiculous fights. We had good times together, but we have had horrible nights due to my fears.
    As I mentioned before, he has only moved a month ago and it has been very difficult for me.
    we have had very strong fights and I got a very bad panic attack two weeks ago.
    He got very scared about it to the point that he tried to contact people that were in my same town to help me.
    After that week I started attending more counseling sessions and even taking supplements that could help me control my anxiety problems, but I fear it is too late.
    We saw each other last weekend and I felt he was different. We hardly kiss or touch and at some point when I asked him if he missed having sex, he only replied, " I guess"
    I didn't tell him anything that weekend because I thought it was my fear playing tricks on me.
    However, it wasn't. Three days ago he called me and said that he is in a funk and he doesn't feel passion for me anymore.
    he said that he started feeling like that after that weekend in which I had a panic attack. He said that he feels that he only loves me as a friend now.
    I asked him if he wanted to break up or not. And he said he wants to wait because maybe is something momentary.
    I feel very sad about it. I have to take responsibility for taking my relationship to this point. It is my fault. I should have search for professional help before and do not let this hurts us.
    I don't know what to do right now. I don't know if I should let him go since nobody should be in a relationship without passion. Or should I wait and hope with all my heart that can love me as much as I do?

    Any ideas guys? I am feeling very sad right now.

    Thank you in advance
    Techi
    Tags: None
    #2
    I would say to leave him alone for a bit and give him some space. He needs to really think about whether or not he wants you in his life without you pressuring him so to speak. But whatever his decision ends up being you have to respect it.

    Comment

      #3
      Originally posted by TheSteelAngel View Post
      I would say to leave him alone for a bit and give him some space. He needs to really think about whether or not he wants you in his life without you pressuring him so to speak. But whatever his decision ends up being you have to respect it.
      Thank you for your answer.
      That is what I feel like doing as well. It is more convenient for both of us. However, I have him texting me and initiating conversations through facebook. what should I do? Should I still reply?
      Last edited by techi14; July 10, 2015, 04:48 PM.

      Comment

        #4
        Feeling like mostly a caretaker, and not even feeling good at it, can take the life out of any relationship. However it has been only a couple of weeks and you have indeed looked for help. I hope it will work out for you
        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

        Comment

          #5
          thank you

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
            Feeling like mostly a caretaker, and not even feeling good at it, can take the life out of any relationship. However it has been only a couple of weeks and you have indeed looked for help. I hope it will work out for you
            Thank you.
            I may not be following, what do you mean by "caretaker"?
            language barriers.

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by techi14 View Post
              Thank you.
              I may not be following, what do you mean by "caretaker"?
              language barriers.
              I mean if your problems are more on the table than flirting is. Some people tolerate being "the helper" more than others, but everyone has their level where they start to feel like there isn't a romantic relationship anymore.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by techi14 View Post
                thank you
                Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                I mean if your problems are more on the table than flirting is. Some people tolerate being "the helper" more than others, but everyone has their level where they start to feel like there isn't a romantic relationship anymore.
                Understand now. Thank you for explaining.
                Yes, that is exactly what he said. He is in a funk and doesn't feel passion or romance towards me.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Yes, but it has only been a month. You can still find the zest back. He has moved, he is perhaps busy with his new lifeand getting used to that. You two have had fights as well as your panic attacks. Also, it is a skill to learn how to do long distance right. If you manage to not pick fights and make use of your help for anxiety, then perhaps you can talk about how you first met and other stuff that can remind you why you want to be together. Did you use to do nice things for him? You still can.
                  I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                  - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                  "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                    Yes, but it has only been a month. You can still find the zest back. He has moved, he is perhaps busy with his new lifeand getting used to that. You two have had fights as well as your panic attacks. Also, it is a skill to learn how to do long distance right. If you manage to not pick fights and make use of your help for anxiety, then perhaps you can talk about how you first met and other stuff that can remind you why you want to be together. Did you use to do nice things for him? You still can.

                    He is on a family trip since Friday. Friday afternoon he texted pictures through facebook. He always does that no matter where he goes. After that he hasn't communicate at all. I sent him a message on Sunday and he replied very cold ( not even as friend) and he told me to not worry about not chatting, that connection is very bad in Yosemite (California) and he is having a great time. I have seen he is getting online periodically, but not talking to me.
                    I feel hanging on a string right now and trust me it is not a very good feeling.
                    What should I do?
                    Does this mean that this is over?

                    Advises please!

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by techi14 View Post

                      Does this mean that this is over?

                      Advises please!
                      It sounds like the two of you need to be talking about whether or not it is over. People on the internet cannot read his mind, nor can you. Ask him.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Originally posted by hmrambling View Post
                        It sounds like the two of you need to be talking about whether or not it is over. People on the internet cannot read his mind, nor can you. Ask him.
                        Thank you, hmrambling.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Originally posted by techi14 View Post
                          He is on a family trip since Friday. Friday afternoon he texted pictures through facebook. He always does that no matter where he goes. After that he hasn't communicate at all. I sent him a message on Sunday and he replied very cold ( not even as friend) and he told me to not worry about not chatting, that connection is very bad in Yosemite (California) and he is having a great time. I have seen he is getting online periodically, but not talking to me.
                          I feel hanging on a string right now and trust me it is not a very good feeling.
                          What should I do?
                          Does this mean that this is over?

                          Advises please!
                          That doesn't seem cold to me. It could be as he says, he is spending time with family in an area with bad connection and he doesn't want you to worry because that is in fact the two reasons he is not in contact. I am a bit curious about what a non-cold practical message would sound like, according to you... There is nothing here to indicate he is breaking up. He is being considerate by stating to you the terms of the trip (impossable to stay in close contact). Be considerate back by not worrying needlessly.
                          Last edited by differentcountries; July 14, 2015, 12:18 AM.
                          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Texting is one of the worst ways to convey emotions.... When you say he answered cold, how could you tell? He said his connection was bad, so maybe he was frustrated? And your message to him on Sunday...could he have taken that in a wrong way?
                            The best way to tell is by talking. Set a time and call or Skype. Ask direct questions and answer honestly..
                            Good luck!

                            Comment

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