Possibly necessarily/unnecessarily worried

[Star34]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a couple of months. We met in high school, he graduated, joined the Marine's and I'm currently in my last year of high school. A couple of weeks back he was home and it was our first interaction as a couple. We got into two minor arguments, which were quickly resolved, and we parted on good terms. We talked about the future of our relationship and agreed that we both wanted it to continue.

Our entire relationship, like all LDR's was based on text, phone calls and skype. We kept in constant communication, he's the kind of guy who prefers a million of "hey" texts versus days without communication. I didn't have any problems with that and I loved that when he was going to be busy he would let me know. He was just stationed in North Carolina and told me that he gets terrible signal on base. I have no reason not to believe him. When he left the communication was the same as before, but he didn't go directly to base so signal wasn't a problem. When he arrived on base he did tell me that signal was bad and so obviously the communication dwindled . We got a messaging application that works on wifi to communicate to combat that.

However, I haven't heard from him in a couple of days and this happened before as well when he first arrived there. We went from talking everyday to going days without talking. I know that he is busy, he is taking classes and working and that he gets home late, then there's also a time difference. But I'm inclined to sweat even the smallest things, and I know this. I don't know if I actually have something to worry about, like him trying to push me away or not being intersted in putting the effort. But I do, on some level, feel like there's something amiss. If I don't get in contact with him lately, he won't contact me. He told me a couple of days ago that this weekend we would actually get to talk, and maybe I'm thinking prematurely, but I don't see that actually happening. Especially considering I messaged him yesterday and still nothing. When we last talked it was nice and "normal" for us.

I'm confused and hurt, I do have a tendency to worry over nothing and I'm not just saying that. I don't wan't to make excuses but also not assume anything which is turning out to be very hard. I do love him very much and he loves me.
I would appreciate any advice anyone could give me. Should I be worried? Let the situation play out?

[kittyo9]

You can be worried if you want, but there is unfortunately nothing that will make you feel better until you hear from him. If you don't have another way to contact him (ex: calling him at his base), you'll have to just wait it out and talk to him about it the next time you make contact. Sorry!

[R&R]

Part of your story sounds very familiar. My daughter was 16 when she started dating her BF and he is in the Marines and was stationed in North Carolina as well. They never had a problem with service, but it's possible they used a different carrier than your SO does and that can make a difference.

They do get very busy. It depends on what he is doing. If they go in "the field", even if on base, they aren't going to have the means to communicate. They don't always get warning either. They can be randomly woken up and taken in to the field for a few days and there is nothing they can do about it. It's all part of the training.

My daughter and SO have been together 3 years now. He did one-year in NC and then chose to go into the MSG program. He has spent two years overseas and will finally be in Canada (same time zone, same continent and only a 6-hour drive) for his final year. They have had ups and downs. They have had times of no communication. They have made it through so far.

You have to learn to roll with the punches and take it as it comes. Being in the military, he is not in charge of his life right now. The Marines own him. He may have the best of intentions, like wanting to talk with you this weekend, but factors beyond his control will happen. It's not an easy life and it's not for everyone. Take it one day at a time.

[differentcountries]

You really have to decide: do you think he is doing what he can with his time, energy and service connection to stay in touch with you as much as possible? Or do you think he is avoiding you...

I have no experience with the Marines but my boyfriend also has a job that to some extent claims him. He works long hours. The job can decide on random that everyone, or just him, is working double shifts that day, no extra pay or time off. He works for nine months straight with maybe one day off, that will usually be when I am visiting so no such time when we are Skyping. He usually manages to let me know, but in high season he sometimes don't have time to eat enough, let alone message me. I have stayed with him for 14 days now and during that time they made him do double shifts 5 times, half of it unplanned. It is really hard for me to understand his point of view and for him to see mine, because we are both suffering but in different ways. It is hard.

If you trust your SO, try to make peace with the fact that he can't neccesarily be in contact as you would like. Cultivate your independence. Try to come to terms with the difference of feeling hurt (experience pain) and that he did something to hurt you (if he doesn't control his own day he also can't decide on his own when to contact you ,which makes thinking he is avoiding you a bit absurd ).

[Star34]

Thank you for your responses! They were definitely helpful. You're right, better for me to accept and roll with punches than worry about something he can't actually control. Especially since his time isn't really his own.
It'll be a great learning experience, for both of us.