Feeling insecure about us?

[Joker]

Recently I've noticed some changes in my bf, probably in the last couple weeks or maybe even month. He seems less attentive with me and doesn't really seem as sexually aroused or engaged. Is he just getting used to me so i'm not as special to him anymore? Or is it just work related stress like he's telling me it is? He says he loves me all the time and has never once skipped on calling and texting me. I've told him my worries and he always assures me that I'm overthinking and he doesn't know how else to show me that he cares about me. Another thing he's been saying a lot is he's not sure what to say to me sometimes over the phone and mind blanks a lot. He thinks it's because we talk so much and have run out of things to say. Isn't that a bad sign? Or does it mean we should talk less frequently? The amount of time we talk has lessened in the past month and so has our skyping and texting. Is it normal to slow down and not talk so much the longer you're with someone?

Just getting scared he's losing interest in me is what it comes down to, just to sum everything up. I'm sure I left out some information but I'm basically looking for reassurance that this is normal and I should calm down. Should I ask him for more attention or should I back off and talk to him less? Need advice on what helps.

I've tried going out a lot and distracting myself with other things but nothing makes me feel as happy as when I talk to him. Just doesn't feel mutual all the time.. but like he always tells me, I'm probably overthinking it. He says it's difficult for him to express emotion and he's never had a gf before me. He just seemed a lot more passionate a few months ago so I feel like it's just an excuse to be honest. Sigh..

[differentcountries]

If you don't have anything that makes you really happy besides him, the relationship might get a little claustrophobic and dull soon, in any relationship, but perhaps more so in an LD where you can't really go out and have experiences together. Make sure to have other things in your life that you really enjoy, that will help you regardless of how your relationship plays out. Everyone's lives get boring if all we do is watch movies and talk online. What you want to do, is have a little talk about it. Things are changed, are you ok with it? Is there stuff going on in his life, like studies?

I make sure to do stuff in my life, I work out, I attend things, I travel to the next city, and then I take him with me in my pocket on the Skype app so he can see it, or talk to me about it afterwords. We have sometimes skipped phone/Skype altogether to actually do stuff in our lives - and then the next Skypes have been so much better.

[Happy_Girl]

maybe its because you both are not living at the same environment? LD? so you dont really have that much common things to talk about. You dont even talk 24/7 with your family right? i mean non-stop talking. Guys are kinda simple when it comes to this in my opinion. They cant really do much things at once aka multitasking and they are not like girls- more into emotional. When hes getting comfortable to you, that happens - not much talking like first few months dating. Just give some time to both of you and trust him more

[Miasmata]

Guys are kinda simple when it comes to this in my opinion. They cant really do much things at once aka multitasking and they are not like girls- more into emotional.

This is a very old and kinda harmful cliche. Every guy is different! Some of them are more emotional and some of them are not so much. And their brains are perfectly capable of multitasking, some people are just better at it and some are worse.

@Topic: Definitely bring up your worries with him, but also remember that you are whole, as a person, with or without a relationship. Like differentcountries said, being active and engaged in- AND outside of the relationship helps a lot with getting your mind off of things and also making your conversations interesting. And if your SO has issues expressing his affection, discuss that with him too, and suggest him constructive ways to do it. My SO is big on shmaltzy words and such, but he needed time to come out of his shell and say them. It helped that I encouraged him to be comfortable, but also didn't pressure him. Other ways to show affection over the distance can be stuff like sending each other links ("Saw this cute picture/video/song, thought it'd brighten your day", along those lines), or sending postcards, or doing activities online together (like watching movies, playing games, the works). You don't just have to sit there and talk!

[differentcountries]

I like to do little DIY projects for SO/us. Like, I buy fancy cards, write a poem or some greeting and send it in the mail. Last card I sendt him was a small, golden card of some fishes "kissing" and I wrote him something like "I know July is going to be difficult but we can do it together and I am looking forward to see you". He got it after I came but he was so happy to know I thought of him 3 weeks earlier. I always send him cards if we go more than three weeks between visits. And I am working on something for our aniversery, like I will probably make him a big "book" of pictures of us, poems, our story etc. It keeps me occopied while doing something constructive. He absolutely loves it, he feels very cherished and I know he brags to people that I make that sort of stuff for him

If DIY or writing cards is not your thing, then perhaps consider buying him a small gift to send - or plan how to celebrate his birthday. I don't mean showering him with stuff every day, but just something small now and then if you know there is something he likes or would appreciate. A t-shirt from his favourite football team, or your lipstick kiss on a piece of cardboard, or your perfume put on filt... If he is not so much of a talker, perhaps he is a visual person. Why not a flirty picture? Instead of just focusing on the ammount of talking you can look at all the different ways to be in contact and show affection.

Also, I noticed that you say that your boyfriend has never dated someone before. It can take some getting used to! Me and my boyfriend are different in that I have long experience in serious relationships while he had sort of an affair/casual relationship going but not on the level of I love yous. We had to use a long time to where we are now, because frankly my boyfriend finds relationships a big scary, so some things we have taken in babysteps. Sometimes I need to get very frank with him with what I need from him, I mean he can be very intuitive but it takes time to know someone and it takes time getting used to the structure of being in a romantic relationship. I absolutely loved the first two months where we were Skyping 2 hours or more every evening, but it also made so that I didn't have a life, because it got in the way of me going to the gym - and sleeping. So I am comfortable with us Skyping less. Sometimes less is even more, for instance when he looks me in the eyes over Skype I get the same feeling as if he gave me a hug so it is not like there always has to be that much talk to create closeness.

[kittyxuchiha11]

How long have you guys been together? just asking because it is completely normal for your relationship to sort of tone down a bit and not be super exciting with all those amazing butterflies in your tummy every time you talk feelings all the time. That's just the way relationships go and that's perfectly normal. also if you guys do talk all the time, of course you're going to run out of things to say. Sure talking less can solve that but if it doesn't make you happy then maybe you need to look into what to talk about. Try asking each other questions, talking about your future, exchanging funny family stories, it's amazing how much something as simple as that that boost a relationship