I am having trouble.

[katie.lvd34]

I love my SO.
I love him to death. We have been together over 2 years and last summer I went to visit him.
This summer, he has been with me. I am struggling to find the faith that we will last. He doesn't have a job, hasn't been putting in effort to go back to school... etc.
I want our relationship to be a success. I didn't mind all of these things when he was away in his home country, but now that he is here and my friends and parents are judging what kind of man he is, it just hurts more than anything. I find myself wanting to end it, but when I think about that I cry and cry. I can't imagine a life without him. I know I am letting the opinions of my friends and family sway me away from him, but they bring up some legitimate points.
He is leaving next week to go back home and I am anxiously excited.
I feel so guilty about the fact that I want him to leave. I know I'll cry when I actually have to put him on the plane, but for now I am lost. He is a great man, he show me so much love and attention. My family is just worried that he isn't ever going to get his life together.

I've talked to him about it, and he plans to go back to school this fall, get his own place, a job... But I am just hoping he'll actually do it.
I'm not sure what kind of advice I'm looking for, or even if I need any, I mostly just needed to vent to people who might understand what I am going through.

I don't want to be mistaken, I love him. I want to spend my life with him, I am just going through major doubts right now.
I think everyone has them sooner or later. I want to make it through mine.

[differentcountries]

If he doesn't have a job or studies, it is very real to worry that he will be able to support himself and find meaningful things to do.

When I first started dating my husband, he was also in a dire place. I told him in not so many words that I expected him to work things out for himself, that I would help him but that I needed him to do everything he could. Since he has taken two educations and is currently fully employed in a job relevant to his education.

If you love your guy, support him, don't feel ashamed. Everyone can fall into dire straits. Everyone can also do something about their life to change it. Sometimes small things are helpful. Does he have a hobby that he is good at? Can he take a small course rather than a full class? Can he enroll in some kind of program for job search or qualifications? I understand, it is hard. And it is good that you are realistic that trying to sustain an internation relatonship when you are not in a good place in your life makes things more difficult.

I think you are right to doubt. But if you love him it is also right to support him. Wish the both of you the best of luck!

[R&R]

You need to watch his actions and decide from there. People can say whatever they want to get someone to stay in a relationship, but unless those words are backed up with actions, they don't mean anything.

You can be an emotional support system and encourage him, but only he can do what needs to be done. He also needs to be doing these things for himself and not to make anyone else happy. He should want to be starting to get his life moving forward as an adult, figuring out his goals and doing what he needs to reach these goals.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

The thing about dating people who aren't motivated is that eventually it'll get old and you'll be stuck with a man-child with no ambition who hates his life but doesn't do anything to fix it. You can't do anything to change that though! He has to be the one who wants to change things. Without that, you can cry and beg and scream all you want but it'll never change. Ultimatums never work either. If he's being pushed to do it, then he really has no motivation to do any better with his life. If he says that he is going back to school then you just have to trust the fact that he will live up to your expectations and actually do it. Try to encourage and support him the best you can and don't forget that saying your proud of him for enrolling and whatever else he accomplishes along the way makes a big influence. If he doesn't go back to school and refuses to get his life together then you need to evaluate your relationship and make a timeline for how long you're willing to put up with his lack of motivation. Either you stick by your man through think and thin and possibly end up with a broke, jobless, unmotivated, uneducated man who lives off of you (hope you are going to have a good job!), or you say enough is enough and tell him if he doesn't get his shit together you are done. Either way, this could be a phase or this could be the rest of your life. Be prepared for that and don't let love make you blind.

[SailorRei]

I don't know how old you SO is, but at some point he'll have to get his life together. Especially if you guys want to close distance, because it would require lots of time and money to get you through it.
What are his plans? Just to continue education and find a job? Pretty sure he should already know if he will continue school since it's close to september.

[hmrambling]

Here's what I learned abour relationships: when people show me who they are, I need to believe them.

Sometimes people show me who they are, I chose not to believe them in the past. If I was in a relationship with someone who lacked motivation in the past, I might have chosen to not see that about the person. I might have looked past it, or hoped it would get better. Today, I believe people when they show me who they are, and I trust my intuition more. I give people a chance to show me who they are and then I make informed decisions from what I've learned about that person.

Best of luck to you. Trust your intuition, your gut, and you Higher Power.

[katie.lvd34]

He is old enough to know that he needs to get his life together. I am just getting so tired of listening to him complain about how he's scared and worried about how it's going to turn out. I feel like I can only say "I know you can do it", "I'm happy you're doing this", "You'll be fine, you just have to do it", so many times before you get annoyed with it. I try to encourage him as much as possible but I can't keep doing it if he's not going to actually do it.
I love him, and he's an important part of my life, but I can't keep playing cheerleader to the football player with the bad knee. He has to do something, anything to show that he's gonna move forward with his life. I love him, I really really do, but I cannot keep it up. When he complains, I try to be supportive, I try to be everything he needs, but when I tell him that I can't make him do it, he gets upset and says things like "I was just trying to open up to you!" I'm just hurting and I don't know how fix it. I know he would be devastated if I left.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

He is old enough to know that he needs to get his life together. I am just getting so tired of listening to him complain about how he's scared and worried about how it's going to turn out. I feel like I can only say "I know you can do it", "I'm happy you're doing this", "You'll be fine, you just have to do it", so many times before you get annoyed with it. I try to encourage him as much as possible but I can't keep doing it if he's not going to actually do it.
I love him, and he's an important part of my life, but I can't keep playing cheerleader to the football player with the bad knee. He has to do something, anything to show that he's gonna move forward with his life. I love him, I really really do, but I cannot keep it up. When he complains, I try to be supportive, I try to be everything he needs, but when I tell him that I can't make him do it, he gets upset and says things like "I was just trying to open up to you!" I'm just hurting and I don't know how fix it. I know he would be devastated if I left.

Have you tried telling him exactly what you just told us? He'll probably feel like you kicked him in the nuts, but hell, it might just be enough to get him to straighten up and do something with his life? If not, it sounds like you know it's not working for you. Props to you for seeing it before it's too late!