Well I have been with my SO for 8 months, he has 3 kids (16, 14 & 8) the mother has been in and out of there lives for the last 2 years, she only come when she has time. Well I have been going see him b/c its just easier, well the ex has started trying to start a relationship with the kids and I think it great (every child need there mother and maybe she has changed) the oldest 2 do not want any thing to do with her but the 8 year old girl just loves her mother. She would always talk to me about her and I though it was great and I always encouraged it. Just the other day I said something about going to see them and to help take the girls shopping for school cloths. He text me back saying " The mother started coming around more b/c the little girl is talking about you, and she just started a new job and is talking about moving back to town and she has talked about you staying in the house with the kids." ( his divorce states no over night guest of the opposite sex) well this has not been a problem before and we are very careful not to kiss or hug in front of the kids we will hold hands but that all. Now it seems to be a problem with her. I also asked if he wanted to try and work it out with her and he said there is not working it out with me. So my problem is I can't get him to talk to me about this problem. He will not answer my calls and if I text he will replay only to questions that have nothing to do with this problem. I know he has very deep feeling for me. How can I get him to talk to me so we can figure this out. As it is I can't plan a trip to go see him b/c I have no idea whats going on and I don't want to keep nagging him about calling me. He has answer a couple of times yes I know we need to talk but right not a good time Kids and work have me crazy. I trying to be understanding and I really think we could have a great life together every thing was good until the ex showed back into the picture. I don't know if her just waiting for her to exit again she never stay in one place very long. If he wanted to end it with me he has had many opportunities to he does not confrontation and he always let his ex walk all over him. He's said its easier just to walk away then to fight with her it just not worth it. So do I just sit back and let him come to me or do I keep demanding we talk and come across like I'm nagging. I really want this to work...
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How long have they ben divorced?? And are you saying there is a clause that neither can have a sleep over partner in the divorce decree?? If so, what is the time limit they had in place? You can request that during separation and sometimes for 6 months or so after, depending on age of children, but the courts can't patrol that and really want people to move on. Plus she has been out of their lives for how long and doing what? Something doesn't sound right.... -
They have been divorce almost 3 years she moved out of town and left the kids with him. and She would come see them every once and a while. I have been dating him for 8 months and out of the 8 months she been around maybe 4 times. She will text the 8 year old so the 8 year started talking about me and all of a sudden the mother wants to be in her life.... I'm not sure if that is stated in the final divorce decree can get him to call me so I can ask... how can I get him to call me so we can discuss this like I said earlier he does not like confrontations , and I really think he thinks this will just pass and she will go away again.Comment
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Dear god, she must be my ex from my ex. She finally broke us.
I feel your pain, but he needs to discuss this. She legally can be involved till the last one turns 18.
I wish I could help as I know what you are feeling as I lived it for 11 years before I broke down. He needs to be open with you.
Cn he come meet you someplace neutral?Comment
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I doubt there is something in the divorce papers about sleep overs. But sure the mum gets sensitive thining you have this bond with her kids.
My guy hates confrontation too. So what I do is, I state things in very practical terms. For instance; "I need to plan my life in relation to work and other things, so I need to know the time I can come next. Also, since things are a bit uncertain now, should I book a hotel room?"I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
- Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"
"Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visitsComment
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No place to meet she never takes the kids for the night she comes get the 8 year old then brings her back so he has them at night. I think she's kinda cleaver she can play mom during the day and go play with her boyfriend at night and my SO won't say anything b/c he doesn't want the kids sleeping at her house. But I can't get him to talk to me about it. How can I get him to open up.Comment
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I know in the separation paper it stated about over night guest but not sure If it's in the final divorce papers. He want talk to me for me to find out. How can I get him to talk to me about this.Comment
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You can tell him that you need to know to be in the relationship.I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
- Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"
"Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visitsComment
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You can't force someone to talk about something they don't want to. Nagging and pressuring is just going to make him want to talk about it less.
If I was in your situation, I'd tell him that you understand that he doesn't want to talk about it but this is leaving you in a very uncertain situation regarding your relationship. Until he can feel that he can discuss this issue with you, you will need to back off and give him the space that he apparently needs. Sometimes it takes backing off to make them feel like they can open up and talk without pressure.
As far as no overnight guests - I can pretty much guarantee that is not in the final divorce decree. Yes, maybe while separated but no judge is going to sign off that a person can't have another relationship once the divorce is finalized.To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.
Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.
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Her guy may be telling the truth, it looks like in Alabama (where it says he's from) judges absolutely can and do add "no overnight guests of the opposite sex" in the final divorce decree. I looked it up. Crazy. Here's one link if you can't believe it. https://www.avvo.com/legal-answers/m...o-1160675.html The way around it appears to be marriage
Oh my.
Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert EinsteinComment
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Ugh, really? I've never heard of that before. Well guess it may be time to go to the courthouse........either to change the divorce decree or get married!Originally posted by Moon View PostHer guy may be telling the truth, it looks like in Alabama (where it says he's from) judges absolutely can and do add "no overnight guests of the opposite sex" in the final divorce decree. I looked it up. Crazy. Here's one link if you can't believe it. https://www.avvo.com/legal-answers/m...o-1160675.html The way around it appears to be marriage Oh my.To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.
Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.
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Thank you for your help. That's kinda how I was feeling. Also do I tell him to read his final divorce paper or just leave it alone until he talks to me about itComment
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If you ask him, maybe tell him this is the last time for awhile that you will bring it up but that it will give you some peace of mind to at least know what it says about overnight guests. You would think he'd want to know for sure too.To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.
Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.
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That's crazy. Guess he's going have to get it changed. Marriage is not in the cards right now. Thanks for you input.Comment
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It's just funny why his ex wants to cause trouble. Im a mother of 2 grown grils and I would never do anything inappropriate in front of his kids we don't even hug or kiss in front of them and I think it a good thing to hug and show affection In front of kids it shows them love. I don't mean get down and dirty making out but a kiss on the cheek or a hugs is a good thingComment
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