How to deal with post-visit depression

[laurel23]

I just got back from seeing my boyfriend for two weeks. I had the most amazing time with him, we spent every moment together. Now I'm trying to go back to my old life and I feel lonely and bored. When you're with someone for that long non-stop, not being with them feels like you're missing part of yourself. I'm just waiting all day to Skype him but then when we do I don't have anything to say. I'm trying to stay positive for his sake, but it's so hard. I just want to cry. We're already planning a trip for him to come see me for Thanksgiving, but it feels so far away. Any words of advise would be greatly appreciated.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

First of all, there are a ton of threads similar to this so please look around because there is great advice to be had in a lot of them.
Second, you need to have your own life without your SO. Staying busy and having fun on your own is the only way that you won't have that. You have been together for a while now, so I'm going to assume that you got used to LD before your visit. What were you doing then? Do those exact same things now. LD is a routine and you have to hop right back into it to avoid those feelings.

[differentcountries]

Make a count down calender and be active in your life with hobbies and friends.

[rachel0106]

It's definitely really tough - last time I cried at the airport, cried through security, cried most of the 8 hour plane ride, & couldn't say much on Skype when I got home because I kept almost bursting into tears. It's horrible. But it's got better since.

Like others have said, it's a routine you have to get back into, & it does take some adjustment - you will get back into it. Spend time keeping yourself busy with friends and family, and book your next visit if you can, so you have something to look forward to and discuss things that you want to do together during the visit so you have something to be excited about.

[oxymoronx]

Oh gosh this is what i'm afraid of. Post-visit depression. I'm gonna meet my SO for the first time in almost 2 weeks time and we are gonna spend a week together and what happens after that? R we still gonna be together or not cos frequent visits are not easy for us as our distance aparts are almost 6000miles. Hope i can get through this. I believe time heals everything.

[oinkpig329]

To be honest sometimes it's just good to come to the forum here and find other people who experience the same thing and know exactly what you're going through. It sucks. Long distance never doesn't suck. Some days you mope about it. Some days you mope about it, and cower under the loneliness. Some days you're okay. It becomes your new normal and this community exists to support you on those days when the weight is a little more than you can take. We can all support each other and make it through this struggle one day at a time. Best wishes to you!

[Alyhere]

I've been very much feeling the same way that you do after the last few visits. It's as if I'm used to LD in one way yet it keeps surprising me every time. I think the first two week after seeing eachother are the loneliest, especially if you're like me and keeping thinking about the next visit and how much time you have to wait until then. But about a week ago when I was feeling down about all this, I made a thread looking for advice, and I was told to keep keep myself busy so I don't think about it much. It's not ideal because the feelings are still there and it's easier said than done, but you just have to find ways to distract yourself with something you enjoy, and LD isn't ideal as it is, so I suppose how you deal with it isn't going to be perfect either.

What helped me the most was thinking about the reasons I love him and why we're so much stronger than the distance, and yeah it's depressing as hell, but try to say to remind yourself why you're with this person and why they are worth suffering through the distance. Also if you are thinking about closing the distance - looking at all this as temporary helps too.

I hope you find your way of feeling better soon.

[laurel23]

Thank you so much. It's great yo know that others deal with it the same way that I do. I made a countdown until the next time I get to see him and everyday I look at it and it seems like FOREVER! I have been trying very hard to keep busy. I've been earning money to save up for moving and that's keeping me very motivated. Along with looking for apartments and applying to colleges where he's at. Have you had an issue with arguing a lot more? My boyfriend and I have been arguing nonstop since I left, then things get better and the next day we're fighting again! I don't know what to do about it. We both love each other very much and it's not a normal thing for us. I just don't know what to do. Neither of us want to fight either.

[differentcountries]

Try to look at your fights. Are they real issues? If so, perhaps they can be solved. If they are mostly about your emotions, perhaps you can help each other to calm down.

[RavenThing1]

Make a count down calender and be active in your life with hobbies and friends.

I will meet my SO for the first time is... 22 days! Making a countdown calendar has really helped! There's something so gratifying about crossing off another day. This is my first LDR and we're both really excited to meet. If this goes well, I'll drive to go see him the week of Thanksgiving

[differentcountries]

I will meet my SO for the first time is... 22 days! Making a countdown calendar has really helped! There's something so gratifying about crossing off another day. This is my first LDR and we're both really excited to meet. If this goes well, I'll drive to go see him the week of Thanksgiving

I am happy for you, hope your meeting turns out great

[Britanica]

I am going through it right now. I go from balling my eyes out to feeling like I want to go to sleep... to crying again... having anxiety. It sucks. We had 9 days together this time and I think the extra time made it harder. You get used to sleeping in bed with them, eating breakfast with them, smelling them in the room, just being there. The first visit was hard for me when he left. The second I cried but was fine by the time he got home, this time feels just as bad, if not worse than the first trip because we not only went all of summer without each other (basically) but we have to wait till November, end of it, to see each other again. It gets better the closer you get to the next visit. As bad as I am feeling right now, as detached and lonely, messy, all over the place... I know when we get into a skype chat in the morning and I am able to see him and hear him again I will feel better. Honestly, and this may sound bad, but these flights are the longest we went without speaking to each other. The more often you talk the harder is is I guess.

But it is not forever, we all have to remember that. One day, hopefully sooner than later, we will all be with our SO's for good.

[RavenThing1]

I am going through it right now. I go from balling my eyes out to feeling like I want to go to sleep... to crying again... having anxiety. It sucks. We had 9 days together this time and I think the extra time made it harder. You get used to sleeping in bed with them, eating breakfast with them, smelling them in the room, just being there. The first visit was hard for me when he left. The second I cried but was fine by the time he got home, this time feels just as bad, if not worse than the first trip because we not only went all of summer without each other (basically) but we have to wait till November, end of it, to see each other again. It gets better the closer you get to the next visit. As bad as I am feeling right now, as detached and lonely, messy, all over the place... I know when we get into a skype chat in the morning and I am able to see him and hear him again I will feel better. Honestly, and this may sound bad, but these flights are the longest we went without speaking to each other. The more often you talk the harder is is I guess.

But it is not forever, we all have to remember that. One day, hopefully sooner than later, we will all be with our SO's for good.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Taking it one day at a time is all we can do. At least we have Skype. Seeing him, being with him... that's what makes this all worth it. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I'd rather wait to with him for good.