Well this is different...
Normally, I would tell you all about the pain and heartache that I've been feeling. I might even ask for advice on how to cope. It's different this time....
The last time I saw him was August 5th when I left his house that morning. I drove back home in tears. I cried myself to sleep for a week after that. I was worried that his starting med school would lead to problems in our relationship. Worried that he would forget about spending time with me from being so busy. Worried that he would find new friends and rather spend his time with them than on the phone with me. After all, communicating with a face to face person is more engaging than over the phone.
We had an argument during that time. As normal when we have our arguments, I was sad and felt lonely and pushed away by him ALL DAY. When we finally talked we had to agree to disagree on the little bickering topic. We have not argued since then. While I consider this an accomplishment and would rather it be this way, something has changed on the inside of me. I have had thoughts and felt certain ways that are foreign to me.
My normal thoughts about now would be... "I miss him soooo much", "all I do is cry", "when am I going to see him again", or "WHHHHYYYYY?". Since that meaningless little argument, my thoughts have become... "I don't need him", "I have better things to do than cry", "do I have to see him any time soon" (because I fear the pain will start over), or "Meh, it is what it is".
This is completely out of my normal realm of feelings and emotions. Has anyone else ever experienced this?
Is it just my way of dealing with the pain? It isn't that I don't want to see him, it's that I feel stable and don't want a visit to disturb that. Labor day is coming and I would normally make plans to see him. I am actually avoiding it.
I was told by a friend of a med student that when my SO started med school, I would need to learn to be comfortable with the back burner and stay out of his way. Only speak when spoken to. When I told my SO this, he didn't disagree. So in a sense, maybe that's what I am doing. Maybe I am getting comfortable with life without him because I know that this is the way it will be for the next 4+ years.
Opinions??
Advice???
Anyone else ever had these reversed thoughts?
Any long distance med student SO's out there?
Normally, I would tell you all about the pain and heartache that I've been feeling. I might even ask for advice on how to cope. It's different this time....
The last time I saw him was August 5th when I left his house that morning. I drove back home in tears. I cried myself to sleep for a week after that. I was worried that his starting med school would lead to problems in our relationship. Worried that he would forget about spending time with me from being so busy. Worried that he would find new friends and rather spend his time with them than on the phone with me. After all, communicating with a face to face person is more engaging than over the phone.
We had an argument during that time. As normal when we have our arguments, I was sad and felt lonely and pushed away by him ALL DAY. When we finally talked we had to agree to disagree on the little bickering topic. We have not argued since then. While I consider this an accomplishment and would rather it be this way, something has changed on the inside of me. I have had thoughts and felt certain ways that are foreign to me.
My normal thoughts about now would be... "I miss him soooo much", "all I do is cry", "when am I going to see him again", or "WHHHHYYYYY?". Since that meaningless little argument, my thoughts have become... "I don't need him", "I have better things to do than cry", "do I have to see him any time soon" (because I fear the pain will start over), or "Meh, it is what it is".
This is completely out of my normal realm of feelings and emotions. Has anyone else ever experienced this?
Is it just my way of dealing with the pain? It isn't that I don't want to see him, it's that I feel stable and don't want a visit to disturb that. Labor day is coming and I would normally make plans to see him. I am actually avoiding it.
I was told by a friend of a med student that when my SO started med school, I would need to learn to be comfortable with the back burner and stay out of his way. Only speak when spoken to. When I told my SO this, he didn't disagree. So in a sense, maybe that's what I am doing. Maybe I am getting comfortable with life without him because I know that this is the way it will be for the next 4+ years.
Opinions??
Advice???
Anyone else ever had these reversed thoughts?
Any long distance med student SO's out there?
Communicate with him.
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