Curious about compatibility

[oinkpig329]

I've been wondering about relationships and natural compatibility vs hard wok and knowing each other. With this, I mean are good couples magically in sync and in tuned with each other or is this something that comes as a result of spending time together, getting to know one another, working at it, etc. What are your thoughts and experiences on this? Is the concept of couples being magically in tuned with one another an unrealistic ideal set by our culture/media?

Thank you for your thoughts!

[differentcountries]

My experience is that it is both.

You start off with a good chemestry and liking to be in each other's presence, spin on that and feel like you know each other like an instinct.

Then you start to learn more about the other person; their personality, their habits, their history... They become more complex in your mind. There are, if not fights, at least arguments. You start to round each other's edges and make small adjustments. In some ways it becomes easier to be around each other. The moment I saw it very clearly that SO doesn't like to tell anybody "no", or set boundries, or do self search, I was like...Ok,but I am up for the task. And I dear to be myself around him, it costs me nothing to show him sides I would be embarressed to share with most people. Sometimes we create humour together, sometimes we find out together who we are.

I think a lot of people see that we are effortless together, and a big part of that is chemestry that we always had, but also the chemestry that happens when you let someone see you for who you are.

[SailorRei]

I think it always starts as perfect sync- you fall in love and whatever that person does is just perfect because HE/SHE does it.

And then after a while, you learn more about that person, start noticing things and the small stuff that freaks/annoy you. Then it takes actual work to cooperate and you both have to change tiny bit. This is the part when you either give up because you think it's too much or you have unrealistic expectations, or you work through it and came back even stronger as a couple!

[Ahava]

I agree with the above posters. Both are needed.

[snow]

I think compatibility shows within the first months of the relationship, where you get to know each other a little bit and see if this is what you are willing to get into and once you know that this person is a person you'd like to spend more of your time with, you start to work on the relationship through discussions and compromises.

I know that to the people around us, the people in our gaming community and his family, it always looked like we were perfectly in sync and that our relationship always seemed so perfect, but the truth is, we had lots and lots of arguments and discussions where we faced our differences and learned new things about each other before we came to this state that from the outside looks like a good relationship. A friend of mine even measured the relationship he was in at how perfect my husband and I are together, which caused lots of havoc until I explained to his girlfriend that there is a lot of things going on in the background that you don't see and that makes our relationship so much stronger.

So I guess the magic compatibility is more or less how willing you are to work on issues together that is hidden from view to other people.

[oinkpig329]

I think this is very in line with my thinking. Good relationships look like they take no effort on the outside, therefore creating unrealistic expectations for some people when in reality it takes a lot of work, arguments, discussions, and confronting your differences. Thanks all for your thoughts!