More issues with my online long distance boyfriend- we haven't met yet

[veganchick222]

You give great advice. They're fine but they're lacking on his part now and not like how he used to talk to me.if he does feel badly about it,he has stopped telling me for a long time then.once i start planning visits to see him, it'll be like every or every other weekend and when that time comes I won't be acting like this because I'll have a whole weekend with him and this is just what I feel I need until that time comes so if this is how it is at over 2 months, how will it be later on? The days are passing but I feel like we aren't growing. He never ask me questions about my life and i have a notebook page of his interests and other things.

[R&R]

You give great advice. They're fine but they're lacking on his part now and not like how he used to talk to me.if he does feel badly about it,he has stopped telling me for a long time then.once i start planning visits to see him, it'll be like every or every other weekend and when that time comes I won't be acting like this because I'll have a whole weekend with him and this is just what I feel I need until that time comes so if this is how it is at over 2 months, how will it be later on? The days are passing but I feel like we aren't growing. He never ask me questions about my life and i have a notebook page of his interests and other things.

Just be prepared for those weekends for him not to always being able to focus on you. My SO and I have been together almost two years and have had multiple trips to see each other. When I go there, he still works - every. single. day. I spent Valentines Day alone - and that was our 1 year anniversary of when we met in person. He was out the door at 7 and didn't get home until after midnight. (Yes, we had words about that one!) I was going to go visit him this November but he's coming here instead because as he says "You know if you come here I'll work the whole time. If I go there, it limits what I can do and we actually spend time together". At least he acknowledges it.

You do need to feel that your relationship is growing. Think about it. Your relationship with your friends grow and expand. As you find you have less in common with some and more with others you weed people out and become great friends with others. All types of relationships need to grow. It does require effort on both parts. Sometimes people can't put the effort into it and that's why some relationships (both platonic and romantic) fail. It's usually not the intention of the person who doesn't put in the effort but subconsciously, it's just not a priority.

[veganchick222]

That's rough. One of you can't make the move to the other? I am. It's just the times like for example this Monday he told me he went to a cookout the whole day that makes me doubt why he can't focus some time on me beforehand .he told me also he forgot his phone that day he went which was Alittle upsetting to read. Also the past thursday we went without talking and I thought ok it's another busy work day for him.turns out that because on Wednesday when I asked him why he thought I cancelled our Skype call when I didnt, he just didn't know how to answer that so he basically ignored me. You don't do that to someone you care about.

[R&R]

We're looking to relocate to Texas next year. That's where he is originally from. He'll make the move sometime between January and April. I'll follow after I complete my Associates (work is paying for it, so I have to stay). I plan on finding a job before I move, so that could take a little while. I would say we should definitely be together by this time next year.

Have you thought about making a list of the positives and negatives in your relationship? Then see which list holds more importance to you based on your needs in a relationship.

As far as him ignoring you when you asked him about the Skype issue, it sounds like he doesn't like confrontation. He agrees with you when you get upset and promises to change but doesn't. He just seems very passive and hopes it will blow over. Every person handles things differently. Just remember because you handle something one was doesn't mean the other person does or will just to make you happy or comfortable.

[veganchick222]

Yeah I was just reading your most recent blog so that's exciting.i think I shall make that list right now. If he doesn't see the way it can better our relationship to communicate about these things then that's an issue. If he were to ask me to do something and I know it would make him happy,then it would make me happy that he's happy and also if it could better the relationship.

[veganchick222]

Also the longer he goes without answering the more I'm realizing that I do not know at all how he handles situations or anything really .

[veganchick222]

IVe been researching signs of passive aggressiveness In guys and I'm thinking he might be that type.everything was fine in the beginning but over the past few weeks when I've brought communication issues up to him he gives me the silent treatment

[R&R]

In the end, close distance or long distance, you need someone you are compatible with. My SO and I butt heads like crazy but at the end of the day, we work through any issues and move forward. We have different likes and dislikes but it helps us each grow as individuals and as a couple. Don't settle for less than you want but also make sure your wants are reasonable.

[veganchick222]

Why is he doing this

He still has not answered me but then I go on skype and I see that he's on (I'm set to invisible)

[Miasmata]

Skype is incredibly finicky, and frankly a badly programmed piece of crap sometimes, especially on mobile. It can show people as online when they're not and that kinda thing. Reading too much into Skype's buggy status is a recipe for disaster.

[veganchick222]

You're right. There was a time we skyped and he told me his battery died but I could still see him online and I told him that and he said if he was still online he'd still be talking to me

[differentcountries]

The opposite also happens. My SO is sometimes listed as offline on Skype (and says he did not choose to be listed invisible), and I can still call him. You can never completely trust technology.

Nobody can tell you why he is not in contact with you right now. Mostly likely the reason is logisics. Hopefully you get hold of him, it might be time to check that you have alternative ways to get in touch.

[Unicorn26]

Can I just please say something here?

You're coming across as incredibly needy, I might be totally wrong, but stalking him on Skype whilst making yourself invisible? I think you ought to just be completely open with him and say what you think! I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear but you are acting rather stalker like, that's not going to help the situation at all.

Am I right in thinking you've not met in person yet, but you already have plans to move to him? Perhaps you should just take it a little slower. You're only a few months in, what's the rush? Get to know him properly before making any plans. Personally I see red flags here. If he can't find the time to communicate with you then this is not going to make you happy, unless you relax a little and accept that his needs for communication are vastly different to yours.

I cannot complain about communication, my SO is fantastic in that department. He was working at the bar last night and it was incredibly busy yet he still found a spare minute to text me good morning, plus he rang me when he got home.

You need to speak to him about this and be totally open and honest about how it's making you feel. Hopefully you can come to some kind of compromise that you're both happy with... I wish you luck, I hope you can work this out.

[veganchick222]

Im not stalking him.i just opened up skype last nite and saw him
on and i set myself to invisible long before last nite and i thought he might thought i would skype him and not keep to my word of when hes ready to talk i will listen if i change it to online .. if hes really not on then thats a skype issue but if he is on why cant he answer me what hes feeling..hes just plain out ignoring me after i stated reasons and asked for a break. The kik app is our only form of communication and we skype sometimes.im not on facebook so i never asked his and hes not on any other social media that i know of so i cant see what hes up to even if i was curious.

Let me also note if i haven already that after the first time we skyped he kept asking me to be hes gf and i was telling him we should take it slow but then i just gave in and that was that same day.

No we have not met yet which i stated why above and why would i make plans to move to somewhere else when i know just a notebook page of things about him and he pretty much knows nothing of my life and never asks me anything.

You asking me to speak to him about this is easier said than done because hes been ignoring messages.i have told him what i felt or thought and i get the silent treatment for it.

[differentcountries]

[QUOTE=veganchick222;404748] The kik app is our only form of communication and we skype sometimes.im not on facebook so i never asked his and hes not on any other social media that i know of so i cant see what hes up to even if i was curious.
/QUOTE]
Kik is your main form of communication, and sometimes skype. Do you not have his phone number?