Sorry so long.Break up or move in together?

[Shlm]

I met my SO when we were 7 years old.we started dating our jr year in high school. Once we graduated high school we decided to stay together since our colleges were only about an hour and a half away from each other. I had a gut feeling I wouldn't be able to handle a long distance relationship and I also wanted to be young and wild in college and meet people and other guys.

Once college started I had already cheated on him.I immediately regretted it and was honest with him about how I felt.I'm always so honest with him, even if it hurts. We tried an open relationship but I had feelings for another guy so we broke up. At the time I was under a lot of stress and a lot of drugs and alcohol. I got sick and I had to leave school and move back to our home town 500 miles away.even though there were other guys in my life me and my SO always kept in contact and he always visited me.

We have been in an on and off LDR since then until about a year and a half ago.(we first started dating when we were 16, were 22 now.it will be 6 years in October.)

I was completely out of control the past few years, I slept with a lot of men and had a drug and alcohol problem, in and out if therapy, attempted rehab, kicked out of school and I ended up pregnant with a drug dealers baby.instead of trying to figure out my life with the drug dealer and soon to be little baby,

I turned to my SO promising I'd change and get my life back together.figured we could have the life we always wanted.he is a very caring and loving guy.I love him very much and I've managed to completely turn my life around in the past 20 months, we have been through a lot together, we've grown up together,we talk about moving in together and eventually getting married and even him adopting my child so the baby can have a father. We're planning on moving in together in about 4 months.but I am so sick of this long distance relationship I can't wait anymore, and I feel myself pulling away.Do I throw away 6 years of trying to make this work? He's always busy, we don't talk every day, maybe a few times a week,i see him about 5 times a year.I need real life love and affection and not this really serious relationship that's feels mostly imaginary.I'm so done.I'm only 21,I feel like I fell in love with the right guy too soon and I haven't had time to figure myself out, and now Im a mom too.

I don't know what to do, and I have attention form other guys right now thats make me doubt me and my SO even more.
All this isn't even half of the problems we have, idk if this is worth it anymore.
Do I break up with him, or tough it out and move in with him?

[differentcountries]

If you are going to move, you need to know you can support yourself and to be sure the baby is taken well care of. You also need to know that SO can incorporate you and your baby into his busy life in his flat. You are not done self-exploring yet, I gather you are still in therapy and there is no telling if this is best done together or apart.

If you consider moving, you need to make a tentative plan on how to make things work. Practically with the move, financially with paying the bills, emotionally because CD life (With a baby) comes with its own set of challenges. If the relationship is not that stable, perhaps postphoning any serious decitions will be a good thing.

Don't make the false dicotomy of either ending the relationship or moving in together. There are tons of other options. Continuing long distance, move to his town but to your own flat etc.

[Honour]

Ok, for starters, look back through your post. How many times have you said "I won't," "I can't," "I this," or "I that?" 6 years is a long time for a long distance relationship, not the longest I've seen, but definitely commendable. You're being super selfish here. Yes, you want the distance to be through. But have you ever considered his feelings truly? Because I don't get that vibe from what you're saying. You've said you'd be willing to throw away a relationship 6 years on, with a nice-sounding guy who you've grown up, for what? Because you don't get his attention 24/7? Because you're unwilling to stick out another 4 months? Do you honestly realise how that sounds? If not, read it to yourself again. Slowly and understand it.

Let me put this into perspective for you. You've spent 6 years of your life at this man's side, cheating not withstanding. To go through so much with you and put up with so much shit surely shows how much he cares for you, because someone who really loves you will accept all your flaws and try and work them through with you. You contradict yourself by saying that you care for him, yet you say you feel it's almost imaginary and you crave real life. You've said in 4 MONTHS you'd be able to be together. Seriously. Do you want to throw away this? Do you really? It looks as if you've already made your decision without even properly accounting for his feelings, though. Or have you talked to him, yet feel unable to comprehend them, or you discounted them? You'd have wasted 6 years of your life, and you'd throw away what sounds like a very caring, patient and loving boyfriend, all for what? Because you can't hold on a little longer?

Don't be daft, don't let selfishness get the better of you, and work through all the shit bothering your relationship. Work through your issues with your boyfriend if he really means as much to you as you obviously mean to him. If you don't, you may end up regretting it for the rest of your life. Of course, you can always discount everything I've said and go ahead with what you're talking about here. But I'll tell you now.... you WILL regret it and you WILL end up in a very bad place.

Think it through carefully. There's more options than you realise. DC is right.

[hmrambling]

Everything sounds very volatile. I would suggest working on yourself before focusing on a relationship. If you are unhappy with yourself, you will not be happy with another person. Relationships don't fix whatever the problem is.

Even if he's stayed by your side through everything, are you in good shape to be a good partner to him? Would it be an equal exchange? Do you have as much to offer him as he does you? If not, work on yourself. Otherwise, you will be a vampire in the relationship draining your partner of his resources. It would not be fair to him to constantly lean on him for support without you being healthy enough to be supportive of him.

Figure yourself out. Work on yourself. Become the sort of person that you want your partner to be. When you possess the qualities that you want in a partner, maybe then you will be in a better position to contemplate a relationship.

[Shlm]

Thank you, you're so right. I talked to him about everything brie I read your reply and I'm happy that even though it's harsh you're honest and I needed that reality check of how I'm acting in this relationship. I really do love him and my post was mostly a rant because I'm so scared of everything falling apnart

[Honour]

Thank you, you're so right. I talked to him about everything brie I read your reply and I'm happy that even though it's harsh you're honest and I needed that reality check of how I'm acting in this relationship. I really do love him and my post was mostly a rant because I'm so scared of everything falling apnart

Good, I may have sounded overly harsh but sometimes people need to hear the truth of their situation Fear is a draining negative influence on you and your guy, the best thing you can do is avoid it from controlling you, because if you don't then it WILL make everything you don't want to happen become reality. Good luck to you both.