New to Long-Distance and Struggling

[cyndioeo]

Here's our story: We are both in our 40's and have never been married. We met online and went through the communication process of getting to know each other. On Valentine's Day, we started texting and continued for about six hours (including finally talking on the phone).

We met mid-March and spent four wonderful days together. When I came back, he was amazing about staying in touch. We talked every day. We then decided I would come "live" in his town for the summer (I'm a teacher, so I have summers off). I had my own place to live, although the second month, I was pretty much staying with him. Everything went beautifully. We certainly had some conflicts and miscommunications, but seriously, I don't think I would have expected it to go much better than it did.

Now I have been back for three weeks and am miserable. I just do not how to deal with the long-distance (he is on the West Coast: I am on the East Coast). I'll be seeing him in three weeks, but I'm still miserable!

Honestly, nothing is wrong in the relationship right now - except my anxiety. Somebody tell me to get a grip. Believe me, I'm telling myself all the time. I should be on cloud nine that after a few failed relationships, I have someone who wants to be with me! I'm so frustrated with myself!

Please give me some tips on how to handle the long distance! I would greatly appreciate it!

[BryansGirl]

Here's our story: We are both in our 40's and have never been married. We met online and went through the communication process of getting to know each other. On Valentine's Day, we started texting and continued for about six hours (including finally talking on the phone).

We met mid-March and spent four wonderful days together. When I came back, he was amazing about staying in touch. We talked every day. We then decided I would come "live" in his town for the summer (I'm a teacher, so I have summers off). I had my own place to live, although the second month, I was pretty much staying with him. Everything went beautifully. We certainly had some conflicts and miscommunications, but seriously, I don't think I would have expected it to go much better than it did.

Now I have been back for three weeks and am miserable. I just do not how to deal with the long-distance (he is on the West Coast: I am on the East Coast). I'll be seeing him in three weeks, but I'm still miserable!

Honestly, nothing is wrong in the relationship right now - except my anxiety. Somebody tell me to get a grip. Believe me, I'm telling myself all the time. I should be on cloud nine that after a few failed relationships, I have someone who wants to be with me! I'm so frustrated with myself!

Please give me some tips on how to handle the long distance! I would greatly appreciate it!

I am also new to LDR me and my boyfriend got together on 8/21/14 and lived in the same town seeing each other all the time until 9/7/2015 when he moved with his parent's its tough but we skype every night. We aren't sure when we will be able to see each other again it's gonna be at least 2 months. Try skype it really does help

[R&R]

It's can be tough being apart. There are lots of ideas throughout the boards that can give you ideas.

The biggest thing is to remember that you had a whole life prior to this relationship. Don't lose yourself as an individual and forget to attend to the things that you had, and should still have, in your life where you live. Your SO and your relationship are a part of your life but they are not your entire life. If you forget that and spend your entire time focusing on your SO and the distance then you are losing a big part of your life.

Your attitude is going to have a lot to do with it. If you spend time thinking how miserable you are and dwelling on the distance than guess what? You're going to be miserable. Take the energy you are putting into being miserable and focus on the positives of your relationship.

Keep busy. Read that book you've been putting off. Go out to dinner with friends. Enjoy a bubble bath. Plan out things you would like to do the next time you are together. Learn to cook something new. Indulge in a day of Netflix catching up on a show you love but haven't watched. LIVE YOUR LIFE.

[cyndioeo]

Thank you so much for your advice. I am a very independent woman, and this feeling of neediness is so foreign to me. Everyone who has given me advice has said the same thing as you have. I have an amazing life here, and I'm very busy, and the fact that this has taken over has really been frustrating for me.

He and I FaceTime every night, and he has given me no reason whatsoever to think anything has changed between us. We're just both learning how to live apart after being together 24/7 for two+ months.

Luckily I'm heading there in three weeks for a long weekend. And if this relationship continues in the way it has, we'll only be apart through next June when I'm done with the school year. I will relocate there and find a teaching job.

Thank you for your words! I think I may even post them up to read when I start feeling this way.

It's can be tough being apart. There are lots of ideas throughout the boards that can give you ideas.

The biggest thing is to remember that you had a whole life prior to this relationship. Don't lose yourself as an individual and forget to attend to the things that you had, and should still have, in your life where you live. Your SO and your relationship are a part of your life but they are not your entire life. If you forget that and spend your entire time focusing on your SO and the distance then you are losing a big part of your life.

Your attitude is going to have a lot to do with it. If you spend time thinking how miserable you are and dwelling on the distance than guess what? You're going to be miserable. Take the energy you are putting into being miserable and focus on the positives of your relationship.

Keep busy. Read that book you've been putting off. Go out to dinner with friends. Enjoy a bubble bath. Plan out things you would like to do the next time you are together. Learn to cook something new. Indulge in a day of Netflix catching up on a show you love but haven't watched. LIVE YOUR LIFE.

[oinkpig329]

Honestly depression and anxiety isn't unusual when it comes to a long distance relationship. You're not with the person you care about, in some senses you are single since they are not around, yet you have to keep your heart and mind engaged and in that "I'm in a relationship" mode. It's quite the balancing act. First I suggest letting yourself be sad. Mourn the loss of his company. Mourn the fact that you don't have a normal relationship. It's a part of it, and denying that won't help. Then, once you do that some, do everything you can to keep yourself mentally healthy, however works for you. I have found practicing gratitude has helped to alter my mindset to become more positive. When I was initially depressed after a summer-long visit (like you!) I was crying at the drop of a hat and anything bad felt like it would last forever. Now I've been able to shift that to I can acknowledge that those bad things are just for now. A small example? I get cut off in traffic by someone going slow. Instead of getting really worked up about, I get mad, then realize that in about 10 minutes it won't have mattered any more and I'll forget about it anyway. Realize that this anxiety won't be forever. You'll be anxious for a while but then it'll slowly fade and you'll feel better about it. You'll have to be intentional about working on your mental health but if you keep up with that, and let yourself mourn every once in a while, you'll start to have a better feel for the balancing act. Good luck! We're all here for you!

[cyndioeo]

Thank you!

I really thank you for your thoughts. It's been almost four weeks now since I've been gone, and you're right: it is getting a bit easier. The jolt from being together 24/7 for 2+ months to long-distance again has faded just a bit. I'm so grateful to live in the technology age! We watched a movie together last night and figured out how to sync it perfectly while also on FaceTime - it was fun and amusing!

I feel lucky that I'll be able to see him again in two weeks, and our long distance has a definite end in sight after this school year is over. That makes all of this much easier. I do have an incredible life here, so I'm going to focus on doing things and getting out with friends as much as possible in the last several months before I make the move.