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7 month long distance break up

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    #1

    7 month long distance break up

    I broke up with my long distance girlfriend of 7 months just last night, and God do I feel horrible. My heart says I love her and I feel like I really do, but thinking realistically there is no way in hell I can go through this. Since we started being ldr I've only seen her for not even a whole month, so out of 7 months I've sepent time with her for 1/7 of our ldr. Our next meeting would be in another 3 months which would be 10 overall. In addition the end date for the distance would be after uni - so 4/5 years. I could only imagine how hard it would be at uni, where I won't have alot of time to speak with her.

    However as I think about it, most the time im sad and miserable when she's not here, it feels as if the relationship is more of a vacation, an in-between thing. I sometimes felt as if I'm trapped in my relationship because neither could I be with my girlfriend nor anyone else. Being like this for 4 years? I'm having second thoughts on our breakup, maybe I could have tried harder? Maybe gave it some more time. She said she can wait the 4 years but I'm just not ready. I don't usually find myself crying, can't remember the last time I did; but right now I'm sobbing like a baby. I just really miss her and I wish I could be with her, I wish I could get back although I think it won't work, the sooner we broke up the less it would hurt both of us.

    What are your thoughts on this? Any experiences...
    Tags: long distance breakup
    #2
    Originally posted by Jake118 View Post
    I broke up with my long distance girlfriend of 7 months just last night, and God do I feel horrible. My heart says I love her and I feel like I really do, but thinking realistically there is no way in hell I can go through this. Since we started being ldr I've only seen her for not even a whole month, so out of 7 months I've sepent time with her for 1/7 of our ldr. Our next meeting would be in another 3 months which would be 10 overall. In addition the end date for the distance would be after uni - so 4/5 years. I could only imagine how hard it would be at uni, where I won't have alot of time to speak with her.

    However as I think about it, most the time im sad and miserable when she's not here, it feels as if the relationship is more of a vacation, an in-between thing. I sometimes felt as if I'm trapped in my relationship because neither could I be with my girlfriend nor anyone else. Being like this for 4 years? I'm having second thoughts on our breakup, maybe I could have tried harder? Maybe gave it some more time. She said she can wait the 4 years but I'm just not ready. I don't usually find myself crying, can't remember the last time I did; but right now I'm sobbing like a baby. I just really miss her and I wish I could be with her, I wish I could get back although I think it won't work, the sooner we broke up the less it would hurt both of us.

    What are your thoughts on this? Any experiences...
    I think you have made a tough but mature decision. I bolded the key points that you said and with you feeling that way, you have done what is right for you. Yes, you are going to be upset for awhile. Even when ending a relationship for the right reasons, it doesn't mean that it won't hurt.

    Not everyone can be in a LDR and that's okay. Not every type of relationship is right for everyone. You did put in effort and realized that this wasn't for you. Staying in a relationship that you don't want to be in any longer only ends up causing resentment down the road. Though you are hurting now, you will move forward from this. You'll be at school, have studies to focus on, meet new people and I'm sure, date someone who is there with you.
    To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

    ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

    Comment

      #3
      Sure, having little time with your SO hurts. In the beginning, on visits my SO was so desperate I could not even be alone in the bathroom because he missed me too much while I was in the shower! I have cried so much in airports other passangers thought I was crazy and rude. The pain of not getting enough time together is very real.

      Still I am thinking that when me and SO had our 6 month celebration, we had spent about 2weeks together in person. And yes I am rather grown up, but at that point I had neighter money nor holiday time to see him any more. Now we see each other more often, but we don't know when we can close the distance internationally. I know people who have been international long distance for more than 4 years. To me, knowing when you can close the distance sounds luxurios. Quitting if long distance it is not for you is fair, but if you scare yourself by focusing on the future you are cheating yourself out of optios. The key to managing long distance is to not think too far ahead, because you don't know what options will present themselves in the future. When SO and I started dating, I had no idea that I would be able to visit him one week a month for my studies. I had no ide that we would find a way that might give him work visa to work in my country, because a restaurant wants him as their waiter. I had no idea. I just trusted that we could do it. Which is hard to do, because I am a control freak and compulsive planner. If you have second thoughts on the breakup, know others walked the walk before you and it can be done.
      Last edited by differentcountries; September 27, 2015, 06:39 AM.
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

      Comment

        #4
        I gave this a lot of thought, spoke to people who are closest to me as well as my girlfriend. The breakup resulted In myself thinking too far into the future, I already made my mind up that I cant take 4 years in an ldr without trying - simply got scared. But who knows that? I don't, certainly. A relationship during uni itself may be quite a distraction, especially if I was dating someone from my Uni. When I thought about it a bit more, LDR during uni is not bad ... at all. I dont want to give up without seeing It through, I might like what I find in the end. I think about stuff too much, my mind becomes all jumbled up and Im quite an emotional guy either way . In the end, we have decided to stay together and let things work out, give it a go. If It doesnt work out then fair to that, I will at least know i tried; If it does work out then holla at me. Thank you guys for your words

        Comment

          #5
          Jake
          I know exactly how you feel, I have been tempted to end it with my SO because it hurts so much to be apart. What stops me is knowing that if we do break up I will still miss him, but I won't know how he is, if he's moved on, and I will for certain know that we don't have a future.
          LDR's are hard, but if you have found the right person, no one that is closer can take their place.

          I wish you the best.

          Comment

            #6
            We have over 3,5 years of LDR and about 2 months of that together. Once over a year without seeing him. I know it hurts like crazy and it's the hardest thing. I like to plan and don't want to have things out of my control. I smile when newly LDRs say they can't imagine doing this for years. That's exactly what I thought but here I am. Breaking up with him would be a worse choice. If there's love there's a way. Good luck.

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