How do we make up after this fight?

[Kadessa70]

My long distance boyfriend and I fought yesterday. We have been together for a year and a half, and he just moved last month. We also just made plans to meet in two months.

We were doing so well. I mean literally just yesterday we were head over heels! I said I loved him... then out of the blue, he asks "for how long?" and "what if you meet someone?"

Where did this come from? We've always trusted each other, and my loyalty has been unwavering. I have never given him a reason to question my fidelity.

He appears to be terribly insecure about things due to past relationships. I also believe this is his first long distance relationship.

It was hurtful that he didn't believe me, that he doubted my love. I simply asked why he would think such things. Frustrated at his doubt, I kinda went over board and came off a bit angry.

This reaction caused him to be a little scared.

We didn't speak today. I reached out saying he need not worry and that I love him and only him (I really do!!). He ignored my calls and texts.

What is he thinking? We've never gone a day without speaking. Even in our past fights, we talked things through and made up soon after. This feels so strange and different.

It's terribly frustrating when it feels like you've hit a wall. I think his fears are totally irrational. I am willing to fight to make this relationship work. He's worth it.

What should I do? I don't want to lose him. How do I reassure him of my love and devotion?

[Redheart14]

You've already reassured him I'd just give him some time now. This isn't you're fault. These insecurities are something he will need to learn to deal with. Just let him know you'll be ready to talk when he is.

[sasad]

Like Red said... Give it a little time. It's a new situation for him and he has moved to a new area and away from you. He maybe feeling a little lost and lonely. I would apologize if I went overboard and just reassure him that you are in this for the long haul...

[Mims27]

If you two are new to LDR, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Give it time like others have said. He probably reacted out of fear as opposed to not trusting you. I've asked my SO that before too but she didn't get upset. We talked about it and discussed our fears. She reassured me that she never would and that she wants to be with me. If the fears comeback sometimes, I don't bring it back up because I know it's irrational and I'm the one she wants to be with. So just reassure him and don't look at it as him not trusting you, but more like he's scared. I think that's a normal emotion. LDR is scary.

[R&R]

I agree with what everyone else has said. Starting a LDR is hard, especially when you go from close distance first. It takes adjustments and learning how this new way of life is going to work out. Really, your actions are what is going to reassure your SO. Words are important but your actions will prove your words. Almost 2 years in and I still send my SO cards in the mail or will text him when I see something that reminds me of him and tell him "Just saw this and made me think of you". This way he knows he is on my mind. Little things like that can help set their mind at ease.

[Kadessa70]

Thank you all for your reassurance and comfort.

He texted me this morning just to say hello. I apologized yet again and said I didn't want to lose him. The sad part is though, he said "you already have."

He said there was nothing to forgive and that he was just scared of my behavior.

In my defense though, are argument two days ago took place over texts.

Is that it? Is it over? What do I do to convince him to stay?

Please help.

[R&R]

Thank you all for your reassurance and comfort.

He texted me this morning just to say hello. I apologized yet again and said I didn't want to lose him. The sad part is though, he said "you already have."

He said there was nothing to forgive and that he was just scared of my behavior.

In my defense though, are argument two days ago took place over texts.

Is that it? Is it over? What do I do to convince him to stay?

Please help.

An 18 month relationship ends after one argument? It leads me, as an outsider, to believe there were other issues or he was waiting for something to come up to give him an excuse to end it where he wouldn't look like the bad guy.

We can't tell you if it's over. You need to have this conversation with him. I would suggest an actual conversation, not a text conversation.

[Kadessa70]

I'm so worried. I hate this feeling.

Do you think he'll come around? Does he need more space, more time to reflect?

[Kadessa70]

Well, we have had some anxiety over this LDR since we learned he got the position in February.

Like a lot of people in our world, he was skeptical of them.

So far he's been away for a month, but this month has been amazing--we were super affectionate and always gave each other space. We also made plans to meet for Thanksgiving and then again in February.

Now this happened.

I'm so worried. I hate this feeling.

Do you think he'll come around? Does he need more space, more time to reflect?

If he says he is alarmed by how I reacted and my behavior, what can I do to convince him I can be better for the sale of us?

I am also very afraid that he could just cut things off--no more contact, no friendship, no relationship whatsoever!

[Honour]

Mind plays nasty tricks on you when you're worried. You can't tell if he actually will cut off contact completely after 1 fight, but if he did, then it just goes to show you may have been the one who loved the other more than it was reciprocated, if that makes any sense. If he truly cares about you, he will pull himself together, confront the issue and talk about it when he's ready. Fighting over text isn't a very good idea at all. If he can't control his insecurities and if they take control over him, then you may need to come to terms with the fact that it's a goodbye on his part, and that he's going to let fear override everything.

[Miasmata]

Yeah, I gotta agree, putting this much pressure on a single fight strongly suggests there were worries or issues bubbling under the surface before. We can't tell you what's going on in his head, but it definitely sounds like something that warrants a proper conversation with voice, not over text. Try to take a deep breather and approach it as a fair, calm conversation, not something where you feel the need to constantly apologize or overwhelm yourself or him. Just talk, and ask him what his needs here are, and what made him react so strongly.

[makandcheese]

I've been in your boyfriends position. I doubted my relationship a lot due to past experiences. I soon realized after my SO sent me this HUGE text telling me he'd never wanna lose me and that he loves me. I felt bad for ignoring his texts and apologized for the way i treated him. He proved to me that he loves me and now we are going on strong. Just give him a little time and explain your feelings, you'll be okay. Trust me.