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    #1

    Break up

    Hi, I recently broke up with my boyfriend of nearly 2 years. We only get to see each other 12 hours a week and that's over night! He said he can't do it anymore 😔 he was the most loving amazing person I've ever met! We both agree that everything else about the relationship was perfect! He just wasn't ready to move out yet... Neither am I really! I'm trying the no contact at the moment but I'm really struggling! Any advice???
    Thank you
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    #2
    I did not understand quite well why did you have such situation in first place, with 12 hours per week?

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      #3
      It's kind of a long story... We met on holiday in 2008 and his best friend and my best friend went out for a few years. When we had a reunion night out we hit it off! Although we both had different jobs at the start which meant we had weekends off!

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        #4
        4 evenings/nights a month is half my current visit time, but twice the visits me and SO had in the beginning and probably the ammount of time together we will have next year after his visit. You see each other regularily. I would love to have the option of seeing SO every week! I am not sure I feel that sorry for you guys, or understand why this is a cause to break up...
        Last edited by differentcountries; October 2, 2015, 07:12 AM.
        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

        Comment

          #5
          Yeah, I gotta agree, the situation isn't ideal and I don't blame people for not being able to handle LDRs, but when you can see each other weekly, there are a lot of options to make it work. Have you brought that up with him? Has he made any effort to work things out or is he deadset on this?

          ~
          It'll take a lot more than words and guns
          A whole lot more than riches and muscle
          The hands of the many must join as one
          And together we'll cross the river

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            #6
            This really upsets me. If you guys think that your relationship is perfect, then you shouldn't be apart. Love can't be defined on how long you get to see him. I have yet to see my SO and we are still going on strong. I know this probably hurts and I know it sucks. Just think about how much love you have together and have him think about it. I really hope you guys will work this out. <3

            Comment

              #7
              You shouldn't let distance ruins your relationship. 12 hours a week is a lot, I only got to meet him 1 week every 3 or 4 months. We dated for 4 years, and been in LDR for 2 years now. It's quite hard not seeing each other everyday and stuff, but ITS WORTH IT. if you truly love someone don't give them up just because you have distance between you two. It seems that you have a perfect relationship THEN FIGHT FOR IT. why would you give it up. If the two of you really love each other, sacrifice. one of you must. If not then let it be over cause it seems that none of you isn't fighting for it.

              Comment

                #8
                Louise1990, a lot of people here would be very happy to see their partners for 12 hours a week. I doubt you get much sympathy from this forum on the account that you only get to see your partner 12 hours a week.

                I have seen my partner every weekend since we met. Sometimes a few hours (in the beginning), and overnight these days. Both of us compromise in order to see the other, though. It takes work... and driving... and shuffling our schedules... and getting chores done before and/or after the visit. And goodbyes, well... we get accustomed to goodbyes. My house feels kind of quiet and a little gloomy after she leaves.

                Relationships take work, whether a partner is next door or the next continent. They all take work.

                I'm not here to tell you what you should do. For me, I had to accept that the person who I have found many of the qualities that I find desirable happens to be in another part of the state. I had to settle in and accept that. Perspective is everything. Her perspective (my SO's) is that since she is from a small town, she always thought that she would have to look outside of the area that she lives in. So, she's okay with the distance and fully expected to have to travel in order to meet someone that has characteristics that she looks for in a person. Our perspectives are very different in this aspect because I never thought I would have to travel, and when we first met I contemplated if I really wanted to travel to see her. I had to sort that out and accept whatever the answer was for me.

                I encourage you to sort out how you feel. I really don't have any advice, but I will say that perspective is relevant.
                Last edited by hmrambling; October 2, 2015, 01:54 PM.

                Comment

                  #9
                  What I would give for 12 hours a week right now! It's been a month since I've been back and it's 2 and a half months until I can see him again. Before my last visit we were apart 5 months. I know people on here who have gone years. It's not about the time, it's about how much dedication you are willing to give a person. So just 12 hours a week is better than nothing. If you are living in the same country there is no reason you can't make it work. My boyfriend and I have been making it work for a year and we live nearly 4000 miles away and a huge ocean in between! It's been expensive and at times it's been hard. But I would never give up on him because I love him.
                  Engaged Dec 2015!! Visa approved June 2016 . Married July 18th 2016 <3

                  Home is where the heart is and my home will always be with my love.
                  All the way from England to the USA.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    ^ This because I'm in pretty much the exact same situation! Many people here go weeks/months/even years apart from the person they care about. It's definitely not easy, but if you care enough about the other person you can make it work. Long distance is not for everyone but it can be done.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Be grateful you got 12 hours a week. Some haven't seen their SOs in months and even years in extreme cases.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        I don't think it was the OP that had the issue with only 12 hours a week. If I read it right, it was her SO who said he couldn't handle it and that he needed more time together so she ended up breaking it off with him.

                        Yes, many of us would be thankful for having that much time with our SO's. Apparently, for him, it wasn't enough. Some people need a relationship where they can see the other person multiple times a week and it's a deal breaker for them if that can't happen.

                        OP, you are right to move on and no contact. You need to have someone who is willing to work through difficult times and find compromise and common ground. Any relationship needs those things whether CD or LD. At least he was honest in saying he needed more. Though it hurts now, you will get through it, I promise.
                        Last edited by R&R; October 3, 2015, 12:46 AM.
                        To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

                        ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          what I still don't get is why, if the distance was bothering him so much after 2 years, why he did not move to they could live together or at least spend a whole day/weekend together. She says "move out", so I recon he actually lives with his parents. She says "neither am I" so I guess she lives with parents too.

                          Is it a money thing? They can't afford to pay for their own housing? Because if you see each other once a week, I guess you live relatively close to begin with.
                          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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