I have recently posted my story (https://members.lovingfromadistance....a-relationship) but I still need advises on the other issue that is in between us.
A brief story of us:
We are married in July 2013 and this is our second marriage. I am from Japan and he is from the U.S.
May 2012: first met and we clicked so well
May-Aug 2012: started a bit of long distance but the plan was, as soon as he got things squared, he wanted to move in with me
Aug-Oct 2012: lived together but he had to go back at the end of October as his ex-wife filed for custody at the last minute
Nov 2012-Now: of course we have had visits whenever we can but still not being able to be together...
At first, he said he would be back after dealing with the court for the custody. He is divorced but him and his ex had not decided with it properly. She filed to have 50/50 at the last minute. I think she thought we were getting married soon and my SO would be taking their kid to Japan as my SO had been with him after their divorce.
But at the same time as the custody issue, he was trying to get his certificate he received from college. It isn't a diploma and it was a certificate and he took a course for the certificate at a community college close to where he lived long time ago. So he went to the college and asked for a copy, but the college said they couldn't find his record. I thought it was just ridiculous. He was sure he took the course from them and after he received the name of the certificate is on his CV. So what happened was that the college recommended to take another course for a semester. We weren't married back then so I said fine, if it's just one semester. But now he has to earn for a diploma, and that, the college is just giving all the students there hard times getting classes they need like these required Math, English and such. So that's why my SO hasn't been able to properly finish. I am very angry with his college and I don't know it is an issue in America now but not being able to attend all these general educational classes is so stupid. It doesn't seem like any other community colleges that you can earn a degree faster than universities.
So I looked in, and there are some colleges and universities that we can earn American degrees without being in America. So I told my SO about it and he started checking.
When he visited me for about 3 months from May to July this year, both of us went up to one of the college close to where we live. And my SO very much liked it. I thought the college was very nice too. So we talked about transferring. He went back at the end of July this year, but he had already applied for the semester there in the States, so he needs to finish this semester which is till the end of this year and I understand.
The problem is, the deadline to apply to transfer is at the end of this month (31st of October) but he has NOT done anything yet... I understand completely he is busy with his school, his child, and making money to live (he receives scholarship but of course it isn't enough).
My wish is to be with him physically as soon as possible, as I have waited so many years and I have trusted every words that he says that he'd be back 'soon'. Soon has actually become 2 years and now at the end of this month, we will celebrate our 3 years being away from each other.
I love him to death of course but I told him today that if he is not going to apply with any reason and circumstance, I am done waiting. I have my money put away, and have applied for loans (of course I have not touched yet) so that if his scholarship isn't enough, we could use. But last year, we tried to apply. But I have no idea if he ever sent his applications to the school he tried to transfer here but what he said is that in the process of sending it was lost. So I don't know if it was him, he didn't apply or it was mail service. So I am actually so worried if that happens again. Money is tight, so I am trying to save as my SO is not making a lot of money and I am paying for his flights, and not so often but if he asks to help him.
The reason why I told my SO that I want to end is, that I feel so tight at the moment. Him holding up the future, and my finances. As I said I want to be with him as soon as possible, and I don't care what I have to sacrifice with the finance and I have told him that.
He hasn't done anything yet to apply for the other school and I found this out today, I freaked out. I felt like my feelings and what I have done (mostly waiting but it hurts a lot as you know) are rubbish. I felt like I was the one who needs to go through and he doesn't care. Am I selfish to think this way and am I mean?
Any advices please!
A brief story of us:
We are married in July 2013 and this is our second marriage. I am from Japan and he is from the U.S.
May 2012: first met and we clicked so well
May-Aug 2012: started a bit of long distance but the plan was, as soon as he got things squared, he wanted to move in with me
Aug-Oct 2012: lived together but he had to go back at the end of October as his ex-wife filed for custody at the last minute
Nov 2012-Now: of course we have had visits whenever we can but still not being able to be together...
At first, he said he would be back after dealing with the court for the custody. He is divorced but him and his ex had not decided with it properly. She filed to have 50/50 at the last minute. I think she thought we were getting married soon and my SO would be taking their kid to Japan as my SO had been with him after their divorce.
But at the same time as the custody issue, he was trying to get his certificate he received from college. It isn't a diploma and it was a certificate and he took a course for the certificate at a community college close to where he lived long time ago. So he went to the college and asked for a copy, but the college said they couldn't find his record. I thought it was just ridiculous. He was sure he took the course from them and after he received the name of the certificate is on his CV. So what happened was that the college recommended to take another course for a semester. We weren't married back then so I said fine, if it's just one semester. But now he has to earn for a diploma, and that, the college is just giving all the students there hard times getting classes they need like these required Math, English and such. So that's why my SO hasn't been able to properly finish. I am very angry with his college and I don't know it is an issue in America now but not being able to attend all these general educational classes is so stupid. It doesn't seem like any other community colleges that you can earn a degree faster than universities.
So I looked in, and there are some colleges and universities that we can earn American degrees without being in America. So I told my SO about it and he started checking.
When he visited me for about 3 months from May to July this year, both of us went up to one of the college close to where we live. And my SO very much liked it. I thought the college was very nice too. So we talked about transferring. He went back at the end of July this year, but he had already applied for the semester there in the States, so he needs to finish this semester which is till the end of this year and I understand.
The problem is, the deadline to apply to transfer is at the end of this month (31st of October) but he has NOT done anything yet... I understand completely he is busy with his school, his child, and making money to live (he receives scholarship but of course it isn't enough).
My wish is to be with him physically as soon as possible, as I have waited so many years and I have trusted every words that he says that he'd be back 'soon'. Soon has actually become 2 years and now at the end of this month, we will celebrate our 3 years being away from each other.
I love him to death of course but I told him today that if he is not going to apply with any reason and circumstance, I am done waiting. I have my money put away, and have applied for loans (of course I have not touched yet) so that if his scholarship isn't enough, we could use. But last year, we tried to apply. But I have no idea if he ever sent his applications to the school he tried to transfer here but what he said is that in the process of sending it was lost. So I don't know if it was him, he didn't apply or it was mail service. So I am actually so worried if that happens again. Money is tight, so I am trying to save as my SO is not making a lot of money and I am paying for his flights, and not so often but if he asks to help him.
The reason why I told my SO that I want to end is, that I feel so tight at the moment. Him holding up the future, and my finances. As I said I want to be with him as soon as possible, and I don't care what I have to sacrifice with the finance and I have told him that.
He hasn't done anything yet to apply for the other school and I found this out today, I freaked out. I felt like my feelings and what I have done (mostly waiting but it hurts a lot as you know) are rubbish. I felt like I was the one who needs to go through and he doesn't care. Am I selfish to think this way and am I mean?
Any advices please!
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