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    #1

    She would forgive me if I slept with another girl

    Out of the blue, I randomly asked my gf if she would accept me and take me back if I cheated and slept with another girl. My boss is quite good looking and I told her about it. My boss is married. I didn't mean to test her in any way and I just wanted to know how she would react to it. To my surprise, she said " I would accept you back depending on how it happened, its not a big deal.. I have a soft spot for you". I have no intentions of sleeping with any other girl. I was completely shocked and disappointed. Why would she accept someone who slept with another girl? Does that mean she would do the same? She does live with a male roommate, not in the same room but same apartment and she tells me he's married. Now I have so many doubts about her. I can't trust her. I don't know if its my insecurity or am I thinking too much.
    My whole view about her completely changed in a day and I don't feel like I should take her seriously anymore.
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    #2
    Hahaha!! Wow. You are a real sleaze. She gives her opinion on something, you don't agree and all of a sudden she's not to be taken seriously or trusted? Not a thing wrong with her, you're the nut job.

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      #3
      Thanks for this. You're probably right.. I was kinda torn about it.

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        #4
        Sorry to say, but you opened up a can of worms. I'm sure she didn't appreciate hearing that from you. Why would you ask her the question if you couldn't handle her response?

        "Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches."

        Like a drum, my heart never stops beating for you.

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          #5
          If you want an open relationship or are looking for another, consensual and respectful way to spice up your sexuality, this is the absolutely wrong way to go about it. You outright asked her how she'd feel if you slept with your married boss, what the hell? That shows zero respect for your partner AND your boss. If you ask something like that, don't be surprised if you don't get a response you like.

          ~
          It'll take a lot more than words and guns
          A whole lot more than riches and muscle
          The hands of the many must join as one
          And together we'll cross the river

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            #6
            She probably thought you were joking and answered in kind.

            Just be happy she did not take you seriously, because asking "would you continue the relationship if I slept with my attractive married boss" is usually what people out in the real world sees as manipulation when you are in fact not infatuated with your boss or interested in an open relationship.
            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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              #7
              You were hoping she would be jealous, territorial and possessive as a way of showing she loved you. Instead, she has a "soft spot" for you (not that she loves you) and probably doesn't see your relationship half a seriously as you do. It's not that you can't trust her - it's that your ego just got shot to the ground hard. Don't ask questions if you aren't ready for the answers.
              To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

              ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by Miasmata View Post
                If you want an open relationship or are looking for another, consensual and respectful way to spice up your sexuality, this is the absolutely wrong way to go about it. You outright asked her how she'd feel if you slept with your married boss, what the hell? That shows zero respect for your partner AND your boss. If you ask something like that, don't be surprised if you don't get a response you like.
                No. I don't want an open relationship, that's not what i meant. I was watching a movie where the girl asks the guy that question so I asked her if she would forgive me if I cheated.. that doesn't mean I'm going to go cheat and sleep with others.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by R&R View Post
                  You were hoping she would be jealous, territorial and possessive as a way of showing she loved you. Instead, she has a "soft spot" for you (not that she loves you) and probably doesn't see your relationship half a seriously as you do. It's not that you can't trust her - it's that your ego just got shot to the ground hard. Don't ask questions if you aren't ready for the answers.
                  You understood me perfectly. That's what I was trying to convey. I don't understand what that "soft spot" means.. could you tell me about it? Do you mean she doesn't consider this relationship seriously? I was thinking she would be thinking of open relationship.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by JohnGoober View Post
                    You understood me perfectly. That's what I was trying to convey. I don't understand what that "soft spot" means.. could you tell me about it? Do you mean she doesn't consider this relationship seriously? I was thinking she would be thinking of open relationship.
                    A soft spot - she cares about you, she likes you, she thinks you're nice. It's a far step from love or a serious relationship. This is probably a good reason why she wouldn't be so concerned - she's not really vested in the relationship yet. It doesn't mean it doesn't have potential to become something eventually but right now it sounds like she doesn't really consider this relationship to be serious.

                    You may want to have a conversation with her as to how she sees this relationship right now. Does she consider the two of you to be exclusive and to not be dating or having a physical relationship with anyone else? What are the guidelines of your relationship. I wouldn't be jumping immediately to not trusting her as it seems the two of you haven't really discussed what you consider this relationship to be. You seem to be not just on different pages, but in different chapters.

                    When my SO and I got back together, a couple of weeks in I asked him if we were back together and exclusive. His reply "well I thought so". We hadn't discussed it and it could have had the potential for disaster. Until I clarified and confirmed with him, I thought we were still just friends and working on getting back into a relationship. Communication is key.
                    To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

                    ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by JohnGoober View Post
                      I was watching a movie where the girl asks the guy that question so I asked her if she would forgive me if I cheated.. that doesn't mean I'm going to go cheat and sleep with others.
                      Yes, in the movie the GIRL asks the GUY. Because that is what girls say (to guys and other girls): Would you forgive me if I cheated? Would you still leave me if I got fat? Would you date me if I ended up in a wheelchair?

                      And what that means, in proper English, is: do you love and care for me? They are not literal questions meant to be answered, and noone can really answer them because many people would try to be patient but, you don't know until you are there.
                      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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                        #12
                        Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                        Yes, in the movie the GIRL asks the GUY. Because that is what girls say (to guys and other girls): Would you forgive me if I cheated? Would you still leave me if I got fat? Would you date me if I ended up in a wheelchair?

                        And what that means, in proper English, is: do you love and care for me? They are not literal questions meant to be answered, and noone can really answer them because many people would try to be patient but, you don't know until you are there.
                        This I do not agree with. It's not girls asking the guy only. It happens both ways. That was a movie. Not reality.

                        And I don't think that is what it means in English either. Some people ask (stupidly, in sone cases) when they have already cheated or want an open relationship...

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Originally posted by sasad View Post
                          This I do not agree with. It's not girls asking the guy only. It happens both ways. That was a movie. Not reality.

                          And I don't think that is what it means in English either. Some people ask (stupidly, in sone cases) when they have already cheated or want an open relationship...
                          My point is, often when a girl asks, usually the guy thinks she is insecure. Which can be cute, if you are into that. Or it can be annoying. A guy can ask out of insecurity, too, and it seems OP does this, but it gets a different flavour when a guy asks - it looks more agressive and less cute.

                          My SO once said "and how would you feel if I took women home when you are not here" - I took that as a complete joke, I did not answer it properly, I guess I said something like sure, we should all have sex with strangers. We have talked over our relationship style, so if he wants us to do things differently he needs to say it straight.
                          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                            My point is, often when a girl asks, usually the guy thinks she is insecure. Which can be cute, if you are into that. Or it can be annoying. A guy can ask out of insecurity, too, and it seems OP does this, but it gets a different flavour when a guy asks - it looks more agressive and less cute.

                            My SO once said "and how would you feel if I took women home when you are not here" - I took that as a complete joke, I did not answer it properly, I guess I said something like sure, we should all have sex with strangers. We have talked over our relationship style, so if he wants us to do things differently he needs to say it straight.
                            Don't make this about gender, it's really not. Men and women ask the same stupid questions to get a rise out of their partner, no matter the gender. Sometimes it's a joke, sometimes it's serious, sometimes it's because of insecurities, sometimes it's because they want confirmation that their behavior is acceptable.

                            Relationship began: 05/22/2012
                            First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
                            Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
                            Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
                            Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
                            Married: 1/24/2015
                            Became Resident: 9/14/2015

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Originally posted by R&R View Post
                              A soft spot - she cares about you, she likes you, she thinks you're nice. It's a far step from love or a serious relationship. This is probably a good reason why she wouldn't be so concerned - she's not really vested in the relationship yet. It doesn't mean it doesn't have potential to become something eventually but right now it sounds like she doesn't really consider this relationship to be serious.

                              You may want to have a conversation with her as to how she sees this relationship right now. Does she consider the two of you to be exclusive and to not be dating or having a physical relationship with anyone else? What are the guidelines of your relationship. I wouldn't be jumping immediately to not trusting her as it seems the two of you haven't really discussed what you consider this relationship to be. You seem to be not just on different pages, but in different chapters.

                              When my SO and I got back together, a couple of weeks in I asked him if we were back together and exclusive. His reply "well I thought so". We hadn't discussed it and it could have had the potential for disaster. Until I clarified and confirmed with him, I thought we were still just friends and working on getting back into a relationship. Communication is key.
                              She talks about us being married and us having kids. I tell her to take things slowly but she always brings up with the marriage topic. She says she's serious.

                              Comment

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