Talking to your SO about LDR sadness?

[Lisa143]

Is there a way to talk about the hard time you're having with the LDR without making your SO feel guilty or sad? My family and friends don't really understand so I feel like I have never one to talk to about this, but I don't want to make him feel bad by "complaining." I love him and he's definitely worth all of this though...Any advice?

[differentcountries]

You can simply say "I don't want to complain, but sometimes I feel so sad about the distance. Have you ever felt this way?"

I try to take things in stride, but sometimes actually honesty and openness about how you feel can bring you closer to your partner.

[Mr Gravy]

My girlfriend and I talk about it all the time. We don't exactly indulge in the sadness but keep saying how much we miss each other etc. This way we let each other know how much they mean to us and that we want to do our best to make it work. It's okay to embrace the sadness to a certain degree but no one should feel guilty about it. This distance isn't anyone's fault really, is it?

That's us, though! People are different and what works for us won't necessarily work for you, too. Do you have reason to believe that your SO feels different about the distance and that he's not struggling himself? Chances are he would like to talk to you about each other's feelings.

Good luck!

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I think that there is nothing wrong with talking about how sad you are and feeling down every once in a while. Your SO is your partner. You're supposed to share everything with them. With that being said, don't let that sadness carry over to every time you talk to your SO. It's really important to still have fun and light-hearted conversations with your SO even though you might be sad.

My SO and I probably have once a week that we "indulge" on the sadness. I tend to be the emotional one, so it's normally me. It definitely makes him sad to see me like that, but in the end it brings us closer. So I think that maybe there isn't a way to not have your partner feel sad or guilty, but rather just to let those emotions happen (occasionally) and to be honest with one another and let that honesty help your relationship rather than hurt it.

[4lom]

Whenever I'm on the phone with my SO, we keep saying that we miss each other close to 3 times every night. Sure that sounds really redundant. But I think deep down, it's nice to hear that someone far away is missing you and that you're being remembered.

Maybe you guys can watch a film about LDR as well, I find " Going the distance" to be really relevant and accurate.

[R&R]

At the beginning of our relationship, we frequently told each other we missed each other. Now, almost 2 years in, it usually only comes up just before a visit (I can't wait to see you) or after a visit (I really miss you). For us, at this point being apart is just the norm and though we miss each other, there are too many other things to talk about and that go on in our daily lives to focus on that. It doesn't mean we don't miss each other but that we just don't really voice it much any more.

[memyj97]

You should never feel guilty for telling your SO that you miss them. And don't be scared of making them feel guilty. Me and my SO tell each other that we miss each other almost every day. We both like to think of it as a term of endearment. I love to hear that he misses me because he's basically telling me that I'm thinking of you and I miss being in your presence. I know that if I never heard him say that he misses me it would make me feel like I'm not as significant in his head as he is to me. So tell your SO that you miss them, like I said, its a term of endearment. Especially when there is no way to close the distance between you two.

[emk4t]

I completely get this. I'm the much more emotional one in the relationship, and I find it hard to miss somebody, so missing my girlfriend is a foreign feeling that I struggle coping with. I opened up to her and spoke about it, and asked her how she deals so well with it. Simple answer is she doesn't, but she doesn't let it get her down as much as I do. We always tell each other that we miss each other, and focus on the plans for the future. It's always better to talk to them about how you're feeling, I find. But like MissingMyDutchLove said, don't let every conversation revolve around it. Being long distance is part of your relationship, but it's not your whole relationship.

[staruletto]

I'm light-hearted about it with mine. I say things like "hey... I miss yer face" and the like. We talk about the future and what's to come a lot to help get past being sad.

[Ella85]

I'm the most emotional one and my boyfriend will sometimes tell me he misses me. I probably do it more often. I think at one stage after my first trip I started doing it a little too much and I got really down. But after having been apart for 5 months I learned to deal with it somewhat more. After spending the summer there I had a really bad week while I was adjusting to being home and I cried a lot that week, but I got back into the routine a lot quicker. I know I'll be back there soon. I try not to dwell on it too much as it ruins the time we have together. But I don't think there is anything wrong in saying it sometimes. I'll maybe say it when I am really missing him so around once a week. But I do say less often than I used to. Doesn't mean I miss him any less I just know he knows how much I miss him and I don't need to constantly remind him of that.

[Honour]

I tell him I miss him, he tells me much the same. We're both just honest about it and open, I'm the more emotional out of the two of us and his cheery attitude is more than enough to distract me when I get down about the distance. Having been through this before makes no/little difference, distance sucks no matter if this is your first LDR or not. Best thing I can suggest is avoid dwelling on it, and finding distractions. I know it's easy enough to say it, but there's no right/wrong or easy way of handling this. Chin(s) up