Depression, Anxiety and PTSD?

[Maxy54321]

Hello everyone. I'll try to make this quick.
I met this wonderful girl on Tumblr almost two weeks ago. She made a post about needing to talk to someone, and I volunteered. Upon talking, I learned that she was dealing with depression and has been in treatment for months (therapy as well as antidepressants), yet was starving herself as well. We talked that night until about 3am, and continued talking everyday since then. I learned that she had depression, anxiety and PTSD, due to being sexually abused at the ages of 4 and 8. I also learned that her sister verbally abuses her from time to time, to the point where they shouldn't even be in the same room together. Her mother isn't necessarily all that much help either, and she has a bad relationship with her father.
As we've talked over the past few nights, I became determined to be someone different. According to her, everyone has hurt her in some way, shape or form, and she's come to expect that she would be hurt by everyone. Now this is where it feels a bit dangerous for me. I don't necessarily want to become a romantic interest. She has already opened up to me more than she could anyone else, and claims that I'm helping more than her therapists usually do (she doesn't like therapy much but still goes). She has even already said that I'm someone she wants to love someday, and that she knows I'm not going to "last in the way she wants me to," which means she wants me romantically. Whether this is a product of my openly being there for her no matter what and stating I would be, coupled with being online and apparently easier to talk to, I'm not sure. I feel like that's what it is, yet I can't take her feelings lightly at all; she seems serious and I really don't want to hurt her. She claims that's inevitable though, whether I'd mean to or not.
I'm in quite the bind here, she's dealing with things out of my control. I don't want to hurt her. I can't speak for the future and what my feelings will be, but at the same time I don't want to give her hope, just for things not to work out. As of right now she seems attractive but dealing with college as well as my own personal issues, dating just isn't in the cards for me right now. Not to mention she's young. I'm 18 and she's 15. Everything is really delicate and I'm not sure what to do really, about any of this. I've sort of been stressing the fact that I'd like to be there for her, regardless of our exact relationship status, and that I'm just glad to have her in my life (she's attempted suicide once before, and it pains me to think of her succeeding or even just trying again), but I don't think that's enough..any advice at all, about mental disorders, unrequited feelings and the like, anything at all would help. Thank you in advance.

[differentcountries]

She is only 15 and starving herself...that sounds like anorexia. Eating disorders are very common for those who experienced sexual abuse.

Remember that you are not her therapist. Having someone to talk to is nice, and sometimes works well with therapy, but it is not therapy. And you are not obliged the way a therapist is. And you are not responsible if she does self harm.

You take an interest in her, she is looking for someone to heal all her wounds, the risk of her falling in love is pretty high - that is actually also something very common for people with eating disorders and also sexual abuse victims, to either be very sexually or romantically cold, of to fall for anyone who shows kindness.

which makes me wonder...does she have any friends? Are you her only friend?

[4lom]

Why not just carry on talking to her without committing to anything much and be a listening ear to her? You have to remember that she's only 15 and we all know how being a teenager at that age feels. The fact that you're helping her by listening to her everyday is really comforting to hear and I'm sure she appreciates your effort.

Good luck!

[Miasmata]

Yeah, it can't be stressed enough that you aren't her therapist and never should try to be one. Being a supportive friend is already more than enough. Don't get too serious yet, just let things flow at their own pace, and encourage her when she needs it to get help.

[ChloChlo]

If you really want to be "someone different" for her, then be honest, open and kind with her. Understand that you CAN NOT heal her - she is already doing that herself, she just isn't seeing it yet. I have been in a similar stage of healing as your friend, and when you're in the thick of it (especially at a vulnerable age), you want to be rescued and you can't see the huge progress you are making at being your own rescuer. But she MUST be her own rescuer, otherwise she will always look outside herself as the place to find security and happiness - which leads to trauma when that source changes or disappears. This is a really scary time for her because she's so young and so hurt. Encourage her to keep going with her healing process and with therapy. If it's not helping, encourage her to shop around for another therapist. Bad/ineffective therapists do exist and there's nothing wrong with leaving one!

You must be honest with her and show her that respect if you want to be a true friend. Let her know that you don't feel romantic towards her - not in an unkind way, but don't give her false hope under the good intentions of "not hurting her". It sounds like the stage is already being set for another heartbreak because she wants to be loved so very much, and you are clearly not feeling it. It's ok for her to want love and it's ok for you to not feel that way, but it's very important that everyone knows exactly where they stand.

[Maxy54321]

which makes me wonder...does she have any friends? Are you her only friend?

I'm not her only friend, she's openly stated that she has others, though I haven't heard of any other male friends.

Why not just carry on talking to her without committing to anything much and be a listening ear to her? You have to remember that she's only 15 and we all know how being a teenager at that age feels. The fact that you're helping her by listening to her everyday is really comforting to hear and I'm sure she appreciates your effort.

Good luck!

Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do. She said she appreciates it and what I'm doing is more than enough. Thank you!

Yeah, it can't be stressed enough that you aren't her therapist and never should try to be one. Being a supportive friend is already more than enough. Don't get too serious yet, just let things flow at their own pace, and encourage her when she needs it to get help.

All of you are right about that, not being her therapist and all. Letting things flow at their own pace sounds good, I'm just nervous because I don't know how things will pan out as time goes on. And I know it's not necessarily advisable to worry about the future, but her falling for me is a possibility, the same way me falling for her is..
I've tried to encourage her to get help, and so far things are working well, even though the family isn't quite responsive to family therapy sessions..

If you really want to be "someone different" for her, then be honest, open and kind with her. Understand that you CAN NOT heal her - she is already doing that herself, she just isn't seeing it yet. I have been in a similar stage of healing as your friend, and when you're in the thick of it (especially at a vulnerable age), you want to be rescued and you can't see the huge progress you are making at being your own rescuer. But she MUST be her own rescuer, otherwise she will always look outside herself as the place to find security and happiness - which leads to trauma when that source changes or disappears. This is a really scary time for her because she's so young and so hurt. Encourage her to keep going with her healing process and with therapy. If it's not helping, encourage her to shop around for another therapist. Bad/ineffective therapists do exist and there's nothing wrong with leaving one!

You must be honest with her and show her that respect if you want to be a true friend. Let her know that you don't feel romantic towards her - not in an unkind way, but don't give her false hope under the good intentions of "not hurting her". It sounds like the stage is already being set for another heartbreak because she wants to be loved so very much, and you are clearly not feeling it. It's ok for her to want love and it's ok for you to not feel that way, but it's very important that everyone knows exactly where they stand.

So far her therapist is fine, it's her family that she's worried about/annoyed with, and that's not necessarily changeable. It's the family's actions that need to change, so that's tough. I'll do my best to assure her about being her own rescuer, it wouldn't help at all for her to become dependent on others.
I've already let her know of my intentions not to date anyone for a while, since I'm getting myself right and personally don't have time for a relationship right now. I don't want to give her hope for the future though..I'm honestly not quite sure how to go about that. Would it be best to simply state that I'm not romantically attracted to her and leave it at that, then if something changes and we are in a better place to move in that direction, to let her know then, at that time without any prior hints? I feel like that would cancel out the hope and what not. If I'm wrong, please correct me.