Is it too over telling SO that hes being avoidant? From my side, he seems like not willing to tell me things about him and there are several times that he stopped me from asking questions (not in a harsh or angry way) saying that im asking too much (just 2 questions)
since then im a bit afraid to ask as it seems like annoying him whenever i have questions. He needs some alone time sometimes. I get it and dont disturb him during that tine. So that day he has been thinking and said that we actually dont know each other that much and i told him my feeling about him stopping me to ask questions which makes me hard to know him. He said im blaming him for not knowing him much. Am i too over? What should i do?
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What I do, is I sometimes ask SO questions but I don't expect him to answer them right away. Perhaps that could be a solution for you as well. Or you can ask him how he would prefer that you get to know each other better - though a game, a book (taking turn asking questions about each other) or some other way?I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
- Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"
"Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits -
You can't force it. Just do things together online that help you to learn about each other. Play some couples games or ask to join something you have a mutual interest of, like a forum on a favorite game or band. Check out the front page on this site for many good ideas. Sometimes we used to send each other clips of our favorite music or videos from youtube. We also talked out what our dream dinner would be. We used to watch a tv show together too. You just both pick one you have access to, say, 1,2,3, go and IM while watching on your TVs.
Above all, remember to have fun together, some people are private. Let him tell you when he is ready. Sometimes you can learn a lot with never asking. I like that game "would you rather" and stuff like that. It is fun and you can get closer to someone without trying.Last edited by Hollandia; October 12, 2015, 10:38 AM."Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
Benjamin Franklin
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I had an ex who used to ask me a lot of questions all the time. She was needy and insecure. There's a difference in asking questions because you want to get to know someone and asking questions because you're needy and insecure. She was aware that I cheated in the past, and the entire time we were together she asked me questions like, "are you thinking about your ex?" "do you think about sex with other women?" "am I as pretty as _____ (ex's name)?" "would you tell me if you were thinking about another woman?"
It seemed those questions never stopped. Ever. It seemed that she was uneasy with silence and had to ask questions just to stir up stuff. She loved a constant state of chaos, and created catastrophes when there really weren't any at all.
But it's a different story to want to learn someone's likes or interests or hobbies. For me, I like when my partner asks about my interests, hobbies, likes, and my daily life. It demonstrates that she is interested in me, and wants to hear what I have to say.
I suppose that whether or not the questions are okay depend on what the motive is. What are the questions that he doesn't want to answer?Comment
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Yea we played some couple games before and thats nice i agree but since he got a xbox one, we mostly talk while he's playing or after hes done. Maybe I'll suggest playing couple games again
I asked things about his job, or how his trip with his friends was, etc not questions because of needy i guess i did ask him about his ex once just how it ended but i stopped when he said he doesnt really want to talk about it i ask mostly things about him in daily life because we have different cultures and by that i hope i can know more about him ,about how things normally go at his placeComment
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So pretty much you are just trying to get to know more about him, what his life is like and about the area he comes from. These are harmless, normal questions. My SO and I both live in the US but from very different states. I asked him about his area before I visited. I wanted to know about his daily life. It was interesting to me to learn these things. He wanted to know these things about me too. That's just learning details about the other. Honestly, if my SO told me I was asking too many questions because I wanted to get to know him better I'd be ticked off and wonder why I was bothering with him.Originally posted by Happy_Girl View PostTo those who dream, nothing is ever far away.
Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.
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My SO is a shy guy and very private. He values this a ton. His parents say they never knew half about him until I came along. I wear my life on my sleeve. He respects me and so I respect him for his privacy. If your guy is the same, then you will have to accept that or decide if it is a deal breaker.
One time of bringing up his Ex is one time too many.
"Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
Benjamin Franklin
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I would be a little hurt (and suspicious!) if my SO wouldn't answer simple questions when I was getting to know him. Even now, I sometimes feel like he doesn't tell me enough about his life because I tell him literally everything. The difference is that he doesn't feel like they are important things to tell me. With a little encouragement and being very blunt about the fact that I WANT to know those "stupid" things, he has been much better about sharing with me. I would say to keep trying. ...and just be cautious of the fact that if simple questions aren't being answered there is probably a reason behind it.Comment
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I'm a really private person but I can open up to my SO. He opens up to me, though in his own time. I would just say be patient. I know you want to get to know him, and that's fine, but sometimes people prefer to do it when they want to, not when you want them to.Comment
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