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It's over and I feel like I've failed

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    #1

    It's over and I feel like I've failed

    Hey guys out there hope your doing ok

    It's took me a while to come on here and tell you all that me and Meg aka River Song broke up on Sunday and I feel like it's all my fault, things got a bit out of hand on Saturday night (which I don't want to go into right now as it's still very fresh and raw) and it caused a major argument but on the Sunday morning I woke up and started getting ready for Comic Con in my local city of Leicester but I sent her a message saying we need to talk, went to the Con thinking nothing of it but when I got home found out she'd blocked me on everything and sent me a letter via my friend Jack telling me it's over and the reasons why to which I started really panicking, hyperventilating, was very emotional and couldn't sit down or even eat and at the end of the letter she said that I could no longer talk to her one on one and if I want to I have to go through either my best friend Jack or her sister Susan

    I'll explain more later cause I have to get to work
    As one door closes another always opens and now I look to the future with a new outlook and perspective on life, it's an open book and I'm ready for the next chapter
    Tags: alabama, break up, long distance, relationship, united kingdom
    #2
    I'm so sorry. The ending of any relationship is difficult. We are all here to listen and talk to.
    To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

    ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

    Comment

      #3
      If I remember your previous posts correctly, it was a difficult relationship before, and she was not getting the help she needed for mental issues, causing you both mental distress?

      It's very rough to have to end something like this, but blaming anyone is not going to help. It's not her fault that she has issues, but it's also not your fault that she's not getting the help necessary to give you both the confidence to continue. She has to be the one who makes the right changes. It's not your obligation to see it through, and it's entirely okay to have to back out when it becomes too much and all else fails. Please, don't blame yourself. Try looking after yourself instead and take the time to lick your wounds.

      ~
      It'll take a lot more than words and guns
      A whole lot more than riches and muscle
      The hands of the many must join as one
      And together we'll cross the river

      Comment

        #4
        Sorry to hear about that, try to take care of yourself and not live in guilt because you did something wrong. You did the best you could, you loved her! She might not like the way you loved her, she might have fallen out of love, she might have met someone else but you gave her everything, your love and support.

        Comment

          #5
          I am sad to hear that. Take care of you, and tell us how you are doing.
          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

          Comment

            #6
            Doctor you are a truly good person and a really cool guy with tons of interesting things to say all the time with a really good heart. I am so sorry to hear of your pain. Please stay around with us and don't be a stranger. We are here you, if you ever want to jump in a chat, PM me and if I am around , I will jump on.
            "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
            Benjamin Franklin

            Comment

              #7
              Sorry guys for only just replying been so busy with work and then was looking after my little nephew tonight

              Ok *takes a deep breath* here goes: About a few weeks ago she finally started going to counselling which I was so thankful for but there was just one problem, her counselor was trying to convince her that it might be a good idea to break up with me because of the problems we've been having since I was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis which of course made me a bit reliant on her (waking up in the middle of the night flaring and being in constant pain from your back, spine and hips with no one to talk to is really not fun) and I knew she couldn't take the pain away but knowing she was there to talk to and help me through this was the best remedy (apart from when she'd go out of course but then I'd distract myself with other things cause it's very hard to sleep when your in constant pain all the time) and to my relief we found out she didn't actually have Borderline Personality Disorder but it's this other condition known as Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder or PMDD for short (Wiki link here for full explanation https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Premen...horic_disorder ) Which if I'm honest made so much more sense, however we managed to stick it out for a little while but she asked me to cancel my flight because she wasn't emotionally ready to see me with everything she was dealing with, which I totally understood so I changed it to go out and see my sister, her husband and kids next month instead but during the week that followed she wasn't logging on at the usual times we talked to each other on Skype saying that she needed space which I understood but with me having Aspergers that really started making me panic and worry because as I'm sure people who know about Aspergers here know we thrive on that routine and structure but something inside me just snapped and caused this major argument (which I won't go into if that's ok) but we left it and I went to bed because I knew I had to be up for Comic Con the next morning but before I left I sent her a message via my IPod saying basically this had gone on far enough and we need to talk about things and as I said went out and thought nothing of it, but then I got home to find out that she'd blocked me on everything and sent me a letter saying it's over and wants me to get better over my anger issues (which I am doing starting Anger management classes on Saturday morning) and has basically said that if I want to talk to her I have to go through my best friend Jack or her sister Susan

              I'd really like to know what you guys think about this and if that last part does sound a bit childish
              As one door closes another always opens and now I look to the future with a new outlook and perspective on life, it's an open book and I'm ready for the next chapter

              Comment

                #8
                I think sometimes the issues people have, make for bad matches in the situation. Especially when people are scared, it is easy to either lash out or go into hiding, and to not realize that your feelings might be similar. She needed space and you got angry. I take it she is a bit scared of you or overwealmed now, which is why she doesn't want to talk to you directly.
                I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                Comment

                  #9
                  If she asks for time, give her time. Your post was a little hard to read due to lack of punctuation. I understand that you are upset and might have been hurried when you posted. Breathe. Give yourself time. It helps when I autopsy a relationship so that I can look at the role I played. I try to learn from the relationship so that I don't repeat the same behaviors again.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I think you should do as she said and use one of those two people. You should maybe wait until you can show your progress in your anger management help. A short message through one of them saying, " I love you and I promise I am getting the help I need. If you need me I am here, I will concentrate on getting better for a few weeks and update with them with another message to update you. ....and then do it. Get help and work on that and nothing else for a few weeks. Don't contact her at all for at least 2 weeks, maybe 3.

                    I was a victim of anger problems. I left my ex for it. Make this your priority and then in a month or so, see where you are at. I would say at least 3 months of serious therapy and concentrate on nothing but that. If not, you could lose her for good.
                    Last edited by Hollandia; October 16, 2015, 08:11 PM.
                    "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
                    Benjamin Franklin

                    Comment

                      #11
                      If I'm honest I know that some of the stuff she did was inexcusable, like the gaslighting and mind games and trust me when she was doing all that I did want to leave but when she started counselling, that's what got me to stick around but unfortunately things happened the way they did and it's why we're in the situation we're in now
                      As one door closes another always opens and now I look to the future with a new outlook and perspective on life, it's an open book and I'm ready for the next chapter

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Do you have anger problems or no? I thought you said you did?
                        "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
                        Benjamin Franklin

                        Comment

                          #13
                          I do yes mainly caused by my Aspergers because of how much anxiety and panic it causes and then it'll send me into a high emotional state that I have no control over
                          As one door closes another always opens and now I look to the future with a new outlook and perspective on life, it's an open book and I'm ready for the next chapter

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Sorry to hear what's happened.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Sorry to hear this. I'm trying to picture myself in your shoes and I agree it's tough. I'd give her space for a few weeks. Its not easy, but it'll let you step back and get your feelings organized and give her the space she seems to need right now. Then you can send your note through Jack to see if she'd be willing to talk.

                              Be patient, if it's meant to be, one fight won't define your relationship. Explain your feelings. And if she really feels the same about you as you do about her, we can just hope she'll be ready to talk about things. But either way you'll respect both her and yourself by taking some "you" time for a couple of weeks. And if you do that and communicate in a way that makes her comfortable, you shouldn't have regrets about how you handled it, no matter where it leads you. My opinion. Good luck.
                              ** Met on OKC 6/8/15 ** 1st Visit & Engagement: 1/30/15 (San Jose, Costa Rica) ** 2nd Visit: 1/8/16 (San Pedro Sula, Honduras) ** i129f NOA1: 2/22/16 ** 3rd Visit: 3/19/16 (San Pedro Sula/Puerto Cortes, Honduras) ** i129f RFE: 5/6/16 ** NOA2 Approved 6/2/16 ** 4th Visit: 7/1/16 (Tela, Honduras) ** K1 Visa Interview Approved 7/18/16 ** K1 Visa Received 7/27/16 ** Closed The Distance: 8/16/16 ** Married 9/24/16 ** Greencard Application In progress **

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