Text messaging frustration

[4am]

My boyfriend is quiet. He's a little shy and doesn't talk much. He prefers to text. However, I get kinda frustrated with this. Yes, we talk on the phone but only bout once or twice a week. The rest of the time, it's text.

I agree that there is a lot of dead air on his end when we try to talk on the phone. Our relationship is going fine otherwise.

The problem with texting is we have misunderstandings because you can't convey emotion very well in text. He also doesn't use the winkys or lol's much. Not as much as I do. And conversations that could take a few minutes on the phone seem to take 10 times as long as text.

Any ideas about ground rules I can set about texting? And how to approach him about it?

Thanks!

[jjbabixo]

My boyfriend and I are in the same situation so I'm curious to see how to fix it. I know sometimes though we will be in the middle of a text conversation and I'll just pick up the phone and call him. Maybe you can take the initiative in calling him more often and he'll catch on to the idea.

[noodle]

Did you ask him why is it like that? Or well talk to him about it?
Cause I used to be super shy talkin as well cause I wasnt confident about my English skills (and it still happens at times)
But I've overcome this fear and my SO actually thinks my german accent is cute and sexy haha
I actually hate it now when we cant talk.

[threecheers9980]

Maybe you can take the initiative in calling him more often and he'll catch on to the idea.

I agree with this. I know that when Joe and I first started talking on the phone, I was shy and uncomfortable and didn't say much. The more we talked on the phone though, the more I loosened up. I'm still not all that talkative, but now I feel like it's okay to ask questions and make conversation.

[Moon]

How long have you been together? I'm just asking because I think I'd tell him you're finding it hard to progress the relationship through text only. This is kinda bad, and I'm not suggesting it for you, but my guy is very shy too, and when we first started talking outside of work, we drank a little bit. Just a little, enough to take the edge off and sorta kill some of the the inhibitions. This was only a couple of times until we realized we were just as comfortable and easy with each other outside of work as we were in work.

That worked for us, now you have to find something that works for you. Once you get him used to the phone, you'll be fine.

[Caitlin2009]

im very shy as well and i dont like talking on the phone much because of it, but i only like it when i call Denise which is our only form of contact at the moment because they still have no internet so even though im shy i still call her because its the only way. tell him to call you more often and tell him not to be so shy when calling you since you are his girlfriend theres nothing to be afraid of

[squiddie]

We're the same way, except I'm the quiet one. While I do prefer talking to texting, I prefer talking in person. I hate talking to ANYONE on the phone (talking to my parents feels like pulling teeth, and I have a great relationship with them). Though neither of us are big smiley/lol people.

Like you, most of my relationship is going on through texting at the moment, partially because he doesn't have internet yet at his new house. We've had exactly four 15 minute phone calls since he left on August 23rd.

My best suggestion is that you both try to set a time for talking on the phone, even if it's only once or twice a week. Before that time gets to you, jot down a little list of things you want to talk about, and have him do the same. Something funny that happened during your day, an interesting news item you read, a question you may want to ask him. This'll keep the conversation flowing, and it's good practice...yup like everything else in life, you have to practice being able to talk on the phone.

Is it possible for you two to skype? Even if you don't have webcams in your computers, most come with built in microphones, or you can get a decent headset for cheap. I feel sometimes that's easier for me to do than a phone call, especially since with the webcam I can get a good face to face.

[nicole]

Me and my SO both hate talking on the phone, our relationship started off by texting so we kinda just stayed that way. I remember when I went to NYC for vacation with my parents, we couldn't talk for more then 30 minutes without it getting awkward. I was so worried when I left we'd have a HUGE communication problem. But I've got to say skype helped a bunch, as you can see each other face to face. we can talk for hours on skype, it seems a bit more personal then the phone. Is there a way you can to that?

as for texting rules... see I just used to use emoticons all the time when I could text him (darn internationl texting charges >.<), and he just picked up the habit off of me.... you could ask him to use them more when the text could be taken the wrong way? I would set up times to phone too though, I think the more you talk, the more easier it will get for him with each call.

[Rosebud]

I wouldn't suggest forcing him to call more and sounding upset over it. For some people such as myself it can take aLOT of practice to get used to talking on the phone, even with someone we really care about. If he feels that he HAS to call you he may start to resent it and may want to avoid calling even more as it would then be even more uncomfortable. I agree with what was mentioned in that it has to be practiced, and having alot of things you want to talk about ready in mind could be very useful. I know for me the reason I mostly get so awkward and nervous is when those silences come up and I can't tell what my bf is thinking. Perhaps if you avoid those silences and keep the conversatin going, your bf won't have those worries and after some time he may feel more inclined to join in and talk back more with you. I do think it's a good idea to tell him that calling is important to you and it may be easier to explain through speaking why sometimes it's difficult to interpret him through text.

[underthewater]

I personally think texting is very impersonal. Is there any reason that you can't talk on phone more? My boyfriend used to text me all the time and I occasioanlly called him but was always worried that he didn't like talking on phone. One day I eventually asked him why he never called me and he was like "yeah, I wouldn't have noticed this if you didn't bring it up." But of course we saw eachother three times a week at that time so only texting will still be fine. After that talk he called when we didn't see each other and now he called everyday. I think you should open up to your boyfriend and talk about your concerns. I wouldn't believe that was the reason my bf didn't call at the beginning but guys sometimes think differently. Good luck!

[paulawriteslove]

I think that you two should set up calling times or something. If he's quite on the phone then ask him fun questions to break the ice
Hmm, but a way to spice up your texting life would be asking him to use more emotion and smilies

[Karringtyn]

I was a text queen before Dan. haha. Then I met a man who DOES NOT text. He refuses to. And I am so glad. I use to get so upset at tones of texts..and sit frantically waiting for a text...not in this relationship..and now nearly a year later...I am glad. Now mind you I use to HATE talking on the phone....but for us....it just works...I am not shy...and neither is he...so for us...it works.

Each relationship takes time to find that groove and what works best. I agree...try talking it out...and come up with a compromise.